Would You Rather: Edition VI

Hello Zelda Dungeoners and welcome back to “Would You Rather!” I loved your comments and reasoning for our warrior edition last week, so keep up the enthusiasm! We haven’t looked at creatures for a while so I’ve put together a real-life scenario for you that would literally change your whole world. We all know someone who thinks that seaweed is a sea monster or refuses to smell tulips for fear of camofluaged spiders between the petals. But what if there actually were something in the water or the flower worth giving space? Hit the jump to find out!

Fear of the unknown is a common affliction, though it may manifest in any number of ways, from being afraid of the dark to a fear of success. If normally innocuous things in nature were suddenly harmful, the immediate response would be of wary disbelief. Flowers that attack, fish evolving into fire-breathing, territorial jerks, electrified goo sprouting out of the grass and so much more. This week are taking a look at two of these possibilities: the Deku Baba and the River Zora. Keep in mind that we are considering these creatures to be a problem in your modern world, whether that be a big city like L.A. or a place where cities cannot thrive in all places, like Kansas. Would you rather live in a world where Deku Babas are real, or where River Zoras are real?

Both of these creatures would turn your current life into a frenzied search for shelter, as Deku Babas do not fully extend and attack until it is almost too late, and River Zoras are constantly moving but somehow seem to know exactly when you are within range of their fire blasts. Check out the lists below for some features that each possess which would make your life crazy.

Deku Baba

• Are located wherever there is shade or the slightest bit of pollution. In our modern world, that’s basically everywhere.
• Have quite a few methods of attack, making your real-life reaction time very important. If you are slow, you’re going to be partially eaten by a carnivorous plant.
• The only way to defeat them efficiently is to cut them at the stems, but Link has an easier time of this with his sword than we would with our pocket knives.
• They have a tendency to grow en mass in thin passages or on ceilings, making getting by them at best a hassle and at worst a very real danger
• They can grow underwater and disguise themselves to look like lily pads. Suddenly the “seaweed” under the water can take on a whole new meaning and cause dread in the bravest of swimmers.

River Zora

• Once out of the water, these creatures are much bigger than any of us, posing a strong physical threat
• They shoot fire balls at humans exclusively, meaning that if one catches you in their sights, you are the only living thing it considers a target
• They show no mercy and will burn you past the time of your death. For whatever reason, the common River Zora hates your very existence, regardless of whether your body is capable of maintaining a conscious mind.
• Common River Zoras seem to be quite rebellious, so if you happen to do a huge favor for their queen, don’t expect them to let up. They still hate you and want you dead.
• There are very few ways to kill River Zoras, and the methods that are the most effective require skill and training, such as the use of a bow and arrow. Us regular folks don’t really have anything to counter the presence or attacks of a River Zora.

I know I wouldn’t want to have to deal with either monster while hiking or swimming, and am very glad that my rivers are just filled with fish and my forest hiking trails are safe in a general sense. What about you? Which creature would you be most willing to acclimate to having exist? Let us know in the comments below!