For those of you who haven’t heard, apparently our old oppressors chums at Zelda Universe are in the midst of an election for who will become the next webmaster of the place. Up for election is forum mod Power Shot against the slightly less annoying (and VGRC administrator) Cody. In this debate, they answered questions submitted by the community.

1:00 – Nothing much so far. Resident owner and jew, Jason, is introducing this monkey show and getting things started.

2:10 – Cody is trying his best to answer ‘how to solve the issue of the receding ZU economy,” but he’s stuttering all over the place and sounding like an asian kid with Down’s Syndrome. Wait, now he just stopped and said the question was shit.

3:00 – Power Shot responds. He sounds like a better speaker, but this point is moot as 99% of your visitors are going to be reading your content, not listening to it.

3:50 – Cody declines a rebuttal against whatever Shot was going on about (something about enslaving forum members and using their creations for the Jew’s gain.) and admits he wasn’t listening. Bravo, sir!

5:00 – What the fuck now they’re talking about swallows.

6:00 – Cody goes on about the superiority of Monty Python.

7:00 – Power Shot accusing Cody of being drunk and sleeping. Cody puts up a stunning rebuttal while falling in and out of consciousness. I love this kid.

8:30 – They’re all laughing about something and I’m not sure why.

8:45 – Jason says he’s going to cut something out. Evidently post-production failed to catch on this.

9:45 – Cody talks about the superiority of the bare-bones “mobile” skin over the one Jason paid 5 thousand dollars for.

13:00 – I was already getting a migraine, so I kind of missed the last couple minutes as I walked off to my liquor cabinet and started throwing back shots of Wild Turkey.

13:45 – OH NO RULES

14:25 – Banning people from “Fake ZU.” Haha what.

15:00 – Power Shot changes the topic to how his voice resembles that of a greasy guido taking it up the ass from a stallion.

15:50 – Power Shot calls for the destruction of ZeldaInformer. (We certainly must be doing something right for this to be an issue, no?)

16:15 – A bewildered Cody questions this, calling it bullying. (I guess when you’re under continual attacks from the Internet Hate Machine you’re an expert on bullying, amirite? )

16:30 – An argument sets in on the definition of destroying ZI: Is it liberation or terrorism? (We prefer to think it’s lulz, for all the obvious reasons)

17:00 – The Jew changes topic, recognizing that throwing rocks at a wasp nest might not be the greatest idea.

19:00 – Apparently internet drama has real-world implications. Both inadvertently suggest that ZU has “minimal importance.”

21:00 – False promises.

22:45 – Debate gets trolled with a question about defending against raptors, the holy mascot of the Zangaroan empire. Both parties attempt serious answers. They fail to come up with a plan on how to address the fact that raptors do not know fear.

26:00 – Still talking about raptors.

26:30 – Now they’re going on about “ranks and banners,” because in the foreign territory of ZU, positions of power are a social status. I love these third-world cultures!

29:00 – Both candidates assure us that they are in touch with their common man because they don’t forget their roots. They from the streets, bitch!

31:30 – TODAYS DEBATE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE LETTER E. I couldn’t really understand them at this point, so I came up with a list of words that started with the letter E that this debate reminded me of:

  • Estrogen
  • Earthworms
  • Earache
  • E. Coli
  • Ecchymosis
  • Erection
  • Eminent Domain
  • EOM
  • Enema

32:45 – Cody talks about the moral superiority of cheesecake.

33:45 – Power Shot plays the race card.

36:00 – I’m completely lost at this point. I can’t tell if this is an attempt at humor to show their “down to earth” sensibilities, or if they’ve gone completely insane. Probably both.

38:00 – Cody expresses his disapproval with being woken up at 6 in the morning to participate in this travesty. Meanwhile, Power Shot assures us that he has passed the first grade and can, in fact, count to 10.

39:00 – Now we go back to the topic of banners. Again, apparently it’s a social status in these foreign lands! Cody is also accused of being a traitor to the superior ZeldaInformer.

41:45 – Power Shot admits that like other normal people, he goes insane if he isn’t provided the amenities of the wapanese lifestyle.


48:00 – Pro-Skub or Anti-Skub? I love how an issue that is currently dragging VGRC to civil war is now somehow relevant to positions of power on Zelda Universe. Power Shot tries to pad his answer with fancy words, proving that he doesn’t even know what Skub is. Both ultimately fail and take the position of Anti-Skub.

53:56 – It’s over. Thank God.

If for some reason you want to listen to this nonsense, check it out at ZU here.

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