Zelda Darksider

I’m not going to go too in-depth on this for two reasons. Either this article is flame bait primarily made to cause rage or it is clearly a joke meant for laughs at the expense of those who think it is the former. Either way, you can see the general reactions to this article in the comments on Destructoid if you so dare.

Destructoid, a bastion for game journalism everywhere, apparently believes that Darksiders is clearly better than Zelda. I can barely argue otherwise (although I still will a bit,) other than direct the writer towards the closest psych clinic. I have never played Darksiders and in all honestly, I’d like to play it because it at least looks fun. His points are thus:

  • Link is a pussy – Well, this is clearly not true. I don’t know many kids who will fearlessly go fight evil with a sword and shield. Still, next to the main character of Darksiders, War, this might be true. I don’t think Link is one of the horsemen of the apocalypse.
  • The Chaoseater is better than the Master Sword – I have no idea here, honestly. His main argument is that the Chaoseater is named the Chaoseater and it is bigger. Okay… I guess.
  • Darksiders has Mark Hamill – Okay, this I will agree with. Mark Hamill is awesome. Sorry guys.
  • Darksiders has a shiny cover – Wait, what? If covers were a measuring tool for how good a game was, the first Megaman would’ve been a shit covered Popsicle. Or a gold encrusted nugget of awesome, depending on your view.
  • Darksiders invented the Portal Gun – See this is the first time when it starts becoming painfully obvious this article is a joke because he implies Portal invented the Portal gun when it was actually Narbacular Drop.
  • Darksiders will always have better graphics – This is probably true as well until a 1080p Wii comes out with a 3.2ghz i7 processor and a Radeon 5770 GPU. That might be overkill, though. Actually, on second thought, that would be awesome.
  • Ruin > Epona – Flaming doom horse vs. super fancy horse-horse. I think Darksiders has a bit of an unfair advantage here.
  • Every Zelda is the exact same game – And there’s only one Darksiders. This is more a negative (or positive, depending on how you look at it) of Zelda than a positive of Darksiders. Still Adventure of Link, Majora’s Mask, Link’s Awakening, and The Wind Waker are all unique in their own way. If you look at them all in a gameplay sort of view (except for AoL) then yes, they are extremely similar, just like every other game series out there.

And that’s all she wrote. As I said earlier, this is clearly a joke. Either that or this guy truly believes this and we can pitifully laugh at him while he wallows in his pit of ignorance. It’s probably the former, though. Just to end with, Darksiders looks like a good game, a great one even, and I would love to play it (if it was on PC,) but it’s hard to take this article seriously. So enjoy the laugh you’ll likely get out of it.

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