Author: Zelda MisInformer

In the latest blockbuster acquisition from renowned businessman Elon Musk, who has had such previous successes as the destruction of Twitter and production of self-driving cars that explode without warning and can’t merge, comes arguably his biggest triumph yet: the acquisition of Hyrule Castle. “Well, Elon’s offer was generous, so that was one factor in deciding to sell,” said King Rhoam in an official press release. “In fact, the offer was about quadruple the market value of the Castle, so…

WINDFALL ISLAND – In a shocking and unexpected turn of events, a Windfall Island jury has found Salvatore, operator of ‘Zee Fleet’, not guilty of minigame rigging on all counts. It has been a laborious series of hearings for the local business owner and painter, appearing repeatedly before the Windfall Island council and a jury of his peers. For nearly two decades Windfall residents and transient adventurers alike have claimed that Mr. Salvatore’s Zee Fleet minigame is rigged against the…

Nintendo has spent the better part of a decade reducing the amount of time between a Nintendo Direct announcement and the digital event itself. Now, after shaving that lead-time down from a single day, to twelve hours, to six minutes with recent Directs, the Big N had nowhere else to go but into the negative. Nintendo took to Twitter to announce that the next Nintendo Direct event will take place yesterday, promising — as much as one can promise something…

BREAKING–Hyrule’s new government confirms “a breakthrough for climate change” as temperatures reach a record low at Zora’s Domain. Royal researchers say it’s but just one small step in King Ganondorf’s plans to tackle global warming. Special correspondents flocked to northeast Hyrule to witness first-hand the rapid climate change in the region. Temperatures are confirmed to have plummeted and snowfall is prolonged in this usually otherwise ambient area. Renowned Lake Scientist joined our reporters to corroborate findings from his own research:…