Zelda MisInformer: “Zee Fleet” Owner Salvatore Acquitted Of All Minigame Rigging Charges
Posted on April 01 2023 by Zelda MisInformer
WINDFALL ISLAND – In a shocking and unexpected turn of events, a Windfall Island jury has found Salvatore, operator of ‘Zee Fleet’, not guilty of minigame rigging on all counts.
It has been a laborious series of hearings for the local business owner and painter, appearing repeatedly before the Windfall Island council and a jury of his peers. For nearly two decades Windfall residents and transient adventurers alike have claimed that Mr. Salvatore’s Zee Fleet minigame is rigged against the player and have called for modifications or a shutdown of the amusement, as well as damages from the proprietor. Emotions ran high after the controversial decision. The defendant was heard exalting a spirited “Hooray! Yay!”, and the outcome of the trial was hotly debated.
Critics of the decision claim that the jury was largely composed of the island’s business class, including jurors such as photographer Lenzo, merchant Zunari, and fashionista Mrs. Marie. “It’s a travesty”, says local café-dweller Gossack. “This is a clear example of Windfall’s social elite protecting their own. The evidence is clear; whenever you try to spread out your shots, all of the octos are gathered together. If you manage to find one early, he just sticks them in the corners, so you have to use all of your remaining ammo prodding them out. It’s bull[redacted]”.
Ultimately, the jury decided that nobody was under any obligation to play the minigame and only had themselves to blame for any lost rupees. “This is an optional minigame with optional prizes”, jury spokesperson Doc Bandam claims. “There are so few meaningful threats on the Great Sea and an endless torrent of recovery hearts to be found in our plentiful grass, not to mention the absurd healing powers of fairies and soups. If you want to spend your hard-earned rupees on a game of chance for an extra piece of heart, that’s your prerogative, but Mr. Salvatore cannot be held responsible for that decision”.
When reached for comment, Salvatore said “Sploosh!” before retiring to his private home on Spectacle Island.
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