General Art Two Stories Ready for Publishing (just Need Time and Perhaps Characters)

[Ⓡⓔⓖⓘⓝⓛⓔⓘⓕ]

Alright, well the way I see it, this new idea was in my plans right from the beginning, only for me to have changed my mind. Don't get what I am referring to, do you? It is simple. At first I told you guys/gals that I wanted to rewrite Rise of the Dragirs and Survival of the Fittest for publishing purposes, but then I changed my mind and said that I would instead write something original. Today I was browsing through the publishing site and happened upon some sweet, cool deals. Since I have those two mentioned stories finished, I thought to myself, "Well why not get those ready for publishing and see whether this whole I-wanna-get-published deal is really gonna work." If it doesn't then I don't wanna waste my time writing a long story to have it not work in the end. So, in most sense, I am doing this as precautionary measures.

And so I am gonna take a brief detour, or break, if you will, from writing on my serious story, as you all know it by. The next couple of days I will find myself busy editing the stories in order for me to get them ready to go. I will have to remove all Zelda content from them, which really sux, and I will have to replace that with original stuff of my own. And so I will, but for the most part, the story will remain the same, with some added stuff and surely with all those few typos gone, which I made back then.

The thing is, I wanted to give my friends here the chance to replace characters from the stories, so if you are up for it, just look at this list and choose whatever position you want. Feel free to make new characters if you want, but for the most part, I'd be happy if you would allow me to use those that you have already submitted for my other serious story. As usual, I will add a few friends by default since they aren't here most of the time.

Alright, so you can replace the following characters: (and even if all spots are filled and you still wish to join, just keep signing up, I can always squeeze you in there)


Dragir male warrior-- Ddraigh (MikauIncarnate)
Dragir male warrior--
Dragir male wizard--
Dragir Female warrior--
Dragir Female archer-- Aisling (Chilfo Freeze)
Dragir Female archer-- Abigale (Raindrop14)
Dragir Female mage-- Caithyln (_VioLink_)
Human King--
Lycan King--
Main Villain-- Shadow (Lord Vain)
Villain's right hand--
Human Captain--
Human Soldier--
Human guild leader--
Guild member--
Guild member--
Assassin Leader--
Assassin--
Assassin--

Special spots and guest appearances by default:
Kybyrian, Hero of Time, Magatha, vatti, Pandora, Din Akera, Smitie, Zelda_8, and Zeruda, MarinetheWitch. More could be added.

 

[Chilfo Freeze]

Alright, Gobli. It sounds like you've got a good plan going here. Go ahead and make my character the Dragir Female Archer.

 

[MikauIncarnate]

Name: Ddraigh Afon
Age: 389 (idk, about 18 in human years)
Race: Dragir
Role: Dragir male warrior
Appearance: Pale skin (like Zelda addict pale), blue-teal scales spreading across back and part of arms, black, spiky, LA Link-like hair
Height: 6'5"
Weight:150
Personality: Outgoing, easygoing, unfocused sometimes, easy mastery of weapons, music, or pretty much anything, good and loyal in a fight
Outfit: Black tights, brown leather belt with a copper buckle, white tunic with a silvery-gray open buttoned shirt (sometimes worn open and undershirtless), black leather, tall boots
Weapons: Carved rowan bow and handmade arrows fletched with red hawk feathers
Favorite Food: Venison
Region: Dragiria

Edit: Oh, haha. Just saw the thing about "I'd prefer to use the characters from the serious story." Lol. Oh well, it's here so you can use whatever you want.

 

[Ⓡⓔⓖⓘⓝⓛⓔⓘⓕ]

Thanks, Chilfo, I added Tass, hope that's who you want me to use (I really love the way Asiling sounded. ) And Mikau, this character works fine, so I will use him. Both of you have been added. ^^

--edit--btw, that's not the entire cast, I didn't add a few characters since those I will replace with family and friends. Dont worry, peeps, in this story every character will have major parts, I don't really see any minor characters.

--edit-- changed Tass to Aisling.

 

[Raindrop14]

I wanted to be the female archer Chili.

Well Gobli, just make my character the Dragir female warrior. Yeah, go ahead and use the one from the serious story. And I can't remember what her weapon was, so if it's not a sword, make it a sword. :bleh:

 

[Ⓡⓔⓖⓘⓝⓛⓔⓘⓕ]

Rainy, there is actually another archer spot, I didn't list it because I assigned it to my sister. But you can have it, I can always add her as a mage. So yeah, it will work, I will give you a position. I will edit the post and arrange it. Thanks, btw.

 

[Violet Link]

Dragir Female Mage! I want that!!

(is a magical starsign fan)

If Mage is taken,maybe Warrior or Princess.
You can use my serious thingy character,lol.

 

[Raindrop14]

Okay Gobli, I'll take the other Archer spot then. ^^

 

[Ⓡⓔⓖⓘⓝⓛⓔⓘⓕ]

@Vio Alright, Vio, thanks for joining. I added you to the list. And Rainy, no problem. ^^

Here is an updated list so that peeps don't have to go all the way back to the first post to see it.

Dragir male warrior-- Ddraigh (MikauIncarnate)
Dragir Female archer-- Aisling (Chilfo Freeze)
Dragir Female archer-- Abigale (Raindrop14)
Dragir Female mage-- Caithyln (_VioLink_)
Demon/MV's Right hand-- Exan (MyriadViper42)
Extra--Lance Scars (Go_Skyward)
Extra--
Extra--

Special spots and guest appearances by default:

Kybyrian, Hero of Time, Magatha, vatti, Pandora, Din Akera, Smitie, Zelda_8, Zeruda, MarinetheWitch, Athenian200, Vee, Lazarus, Xinnamin, Mandy287, Hazel, xmajorax. More could be added.

--Edit--I've removed most of the available spots since I will use character from the Serious Story sign ups. I also added a few extra slots in case anyone else wants to join.

Expect me to post a part of the story soon. If I do, I will use the spoiler tag for those of you who do not wish to read ahead before the project is finished.

 

[Go_Skyward]

Alright, on the wonderful request of Gobli, I will be using one of my overused characters! Yay! Just a reminder, Gobli, if you need any of this changed, feel free to do so c:


Name: Lance 'Scars' Flinn Tolken
Age: 21
Race: Make his race whatever you see fit
Role: Extra
Appearance: Blue eyes. Scar on his left side of his face that covers his ear and stops at his eye, his black hair covers most of it. Has a large scar on his right arm, that handicaps him making him left handed. It extends to his wrist to his shoulder. His arm scar is mostly covered at all times.
Height: 5'4"
Weight: 100 lb. (I never considered weight *shrug*)
Personality: quiet, can be blunt and talkative when need be. Can be very mean to others if they piss him off. He tends to play leader most of the time. And will sometimes go out of his way to help those in need. When he's disguised as his alter ego 'Scars', he's more blunt than normal, still helps people but doesn't appear to be happy about it. He acts more like a soldier. He has a soft spot for woman, because he was raise to basically worship the ground they walked on. (if you need me to, I can change things. I just wanted to give a fairly detailed description of him)
Outfit: Black tunic as Lance or Scars. While Scars, he wears a black mask that covers his face.
Weapons: Sword.
Region: Depends on what race you want him to be.

(for the record I stole this fill out sheet from one of the other posters. I am thief!!)

 

[Ⓡⓔⓖⓘⓝⓛⓔⓘⓕ]

Lol, it took me a while to get this ready for you guys/gals, but finally here is chapter 1 of the newly rewritten Rise of the Dragir.

It looks like that because it is already formatted to be printed/published, however, the tabs didn't work here, lol, that is why it looks crowded. So just overlook that and the errors that you may find. Help me out by pointing any that you see, or whether you have any useful words that could replace others that I used.

And as I said, I have used the Spoiler tag for those of you who do not wish to read it yet. Enjoy, because I don't know whether I will be posting other chapters.

Spoiler

Chapter 1: The Couple​

The two horned figures stood very close to each other on a high balcony, their shoulders touching each other’s. They were staring down below at what seemed to be a large training ground surrounded by well-trimmed grass, small trees, and high stony walls that encircled the compound completely. Many figures could be seen performing their training as several other figures walked about with their hands at their back, encircling them, as if watching them while they trained.
It was early in the morning, the major star had already come up a while ago and was blessing the earth with its usual warmth. A pleasant day it was to the two figures, just as other previous days had been throughout the week, for summer was still going full force over Cephelafydes. Still, despite the pleasant morning promising a good day, one of those two figures was not feeling that good during that morning.
“Look at them, Lazarus,” a female mature voice disrupted the singing of birds that could be heard chirping all around, for below and all around the compound there were also many tall trees that housed these types of feathery creatures. “They are just cadets still, twice as young as you and I. Most of them still have a long ways to go before they know what we know. Do you think that they have what it takes to be taking on this sort of mission that you’ve been assigned?”
Lazarus, who was a proud member of the dragir race, same as the female who stood beside him, turned to regard her with a comforting smile showing on his fair face.
“They will be alright, Vee,” he simply said and kept the smile, for he aimed to relax his partner with it. The male dragir even raised his right hand and tossed his counterpart’s silky blonde hair out of her forehead and to the back. Vee Englehart, as the dragir was called, smiled at that. The truth was that Lazarus himself wasn’t sure of what he had just told her, that is why he turned his attention to the front and sighed quietly as he feigned to scratch his right cheek.
The male dragir had a curvy, handsome face and had short dark hair and pale skin. He wore glasses over his blue eyes, a type of item that had been invented by the clever humans to fix someone’s damaged sight. He dressed in dark pants, dark knee-high boots, with a long dark trench-coat covering his torso. He carried a sword within a silvery scabbard at his left side hip, along with a satchel at the other end. His companion had a thin, round beautiful semblance, blue sparkly eyes, light peachy skin, and long blonde hair to go with it. She wore knee-high dark boots, and a two-piece magician’s outfit, which consisted of a short-sleeved white blouse with many shiny runes all over, and tight knee-low pants, which had a squared cloth hanging at the front and back, these full of magical shiny runes and symbols as well. A dark belt in the middle separated the blouse from the pant-skirt, enhancing the female’s bust. Running all around that belt, Vee carried satchels which contained magical trinkets and other useful things for a mage. At her left hip hung from a magical clip her star-shaped rod, just one of several weapons that she used for fighting, for Vee was also dexterous with a blade, a weapon that at that time she was not carrying with her.
Dragir resembled humans, except that they had spiraling horns on their heads, dark scales showing on random parts of their bodies, and pointy teeth, with two fangs dropping down at either side, like those of vampires. For the most part they were peaceful creatures, but within their society there was a long war going on since times unknown. This war had been affecting their way of life, for there were the dragir, and then there were the Jyy, who were also dragir but these were renegades. Jyys not only had turned their back on the dragir and their ruling Daelden, but also had deserted all faith and honorable principles established by the Dragir long ago. The word Jyy meant both traitor and coward; it was the term that the Daelden had given those renegades, so from that moment on they became known as Jyy. House wars between the two had been occurring so frequently that it had disrupted and changed their way of life. The dragir loved life, the Jyy loved death.
“Look, Lazarus,” Vee spoke in a quiet tone, making the male turn to regard her. Lazarus already knew that Vee had been worrying too much from the moment that he had confessed part of his mission to her, but he decided to let her speak her mind out. “I could help you out. I could go to the Daelden and implore her to reconsider her plan, I have friends at the palace. I can ask her to accommodate you ten strong dragir from the front lines. I just don’t feel right with you going into the human lands with a handful of cadets. I’d be devastated if any of you fell, specially you.”
Lazarus was quick to grab Vee by her shoulders, and he rubbed his hands on them several times.
“Hey, big girl, settle down,” he tried to calm her down, and Vee just remained staring at him. Lazarus, who was scheduled to marry Vee in a month, brought his forehead against hers, and he stared into her light-blue eyes intently.
“It’s alright, Vee. I know that you are trying to help me out, honey. But you know that we cannot go against the Daelden’s wishes. Every skillful warrior that we have is needed on the front lines, our boundaries, and also to protect Crystal City and the surrounding Houses from Jyy attacks. We cannot spare a single one.”
“But, Lazarus,” Vee interrupted, with reason, she hoped. “You know that your mission is dangerous. I mean sure, I understand that it’s a must mission, a mission of great importance for the good of all, as you told me last night, but come on. The Daelden must have been dropped on her head if she thinks that you will be able to complete it with just the help of cadets.”
Lazarus suppressed a chuckle and understood then that Vee was worried mostly about him. She loved him greatly and he did likewise.
“It’s not as bad as I made you believe last night,” he confessed, and he leaned in and kissed her on her right cheek before disengaging from her completely. Again, Vee smiled at the act.
“Yes, it’s a hard mission, no doubt,” Lazarus continued then, staring below at the training ground. “But one that I’m sure that I will be able to complete, else I would have refused Her Majesty.”
“Silly, you still haven’t told me what you will be doing in those human lands,” Vee scolded, although her voice was low and not that serious. “Will you tell me now or is that confidential?”
Lazarus hesitated and just stared at her. How he wished then that he could confess everything openly to her. Maybe by doing that he’d feel better and would lose some of the heavy weight that he felt within.
“I will put it this way,” he said, removing his glasses and rubbing his right eye with his right thumb. “We are going after a package.”
“A package?” Vee’s eyes widened.
“Yes, a package,” Lazarus affirmed as he put his glasses back on. “I am afraid that is all I can tell you, for I have my honor, Vee, you know that. I swore an oath and promised the Daelden that I would keep the mission’s most detailed parts a secret, and so I will. If all goes well, though, you will have me back here before the weekend comes. And I promise to you that I will then take the time to get everything ready for our compromise.”
Vee smiled wildly and nodded, understandingly.
“Alright, I will take you on your word. But, can I least be informed when is it that you will take your leave?”
Lazarus licked his lips and thought about it for a while, wondering whether he should let her know or not.
“The sooner the better,” he confessed and then cleared his throat. “Tomorrow morning I will gather all cadets from both schools and select those that I think will be the most useful to me for the mission.”
“You mean the most skillful, right?” Vee told him.
“Yeah, you could say that,” Lazarus smiled at her. “I plan on taking along a good balanced group, maybe eight warriors and two archers and two mages for support. You train the mages, so you could definitely help me by pinpointing out to me the most skillful of the bunch.”
“Oh, that will be easy,” Vee told him. “Lexi and Magatha are the names you are looking for. I’ll tell ya, those two are on their way to greatness, they’ve mastered all there is to know in terms of academic magic and the year isn’t even over. Two months, Laz, that’s how long it took them to nail everything down. It took me the whole year, if I recall correctly.”
“Dang,” Lazarus was sure surprised, and the dragir couldn’t help it but feel proud of those two young mages, even if he didn’t know them personally. “Then Mistress Magnifica ought to watch herself, those two young ones might surpass her greatness very quickly.”
Vee chuckled at that.
“Yeah, those girls sure put every bit of effort into their studies. I’ve never seen any mages work as hard as those two do. They’ve asked me whether they can move on to learning advanced spells, but Magnifica is still thinking about it ever since I told her.”
“Seems to me that she doesn’t want to be bested so early,” laughed Lazarus. "And I understand her. She's done well to keep her House name so high for so long, who'd want to see something like that defeated, or bested?"
Vee nodded at that.
"The Primroses are as noble and competitive as any of the high Houses," she remarked. "But they don't have any young mages that could replace Lady Magnifica. Maybe that's why she's considering the girls's proposal, you know, to protect her mark."
“Perhaps, Vee.” Lazarus draped his right arm over her shoulders. “But anyway, let us leave Magnifica and her greatness aside. Make sure you show up early tomorrow to the warriors training ground with those two in tow. If you say they are the best choice for me, I will take your word for it. I shall be waiting there with my selected few.”
“I won’t fail you, Laz,” Vee hugged the handsome male dragir from his waist and squeezed a little, to what Lazarus squeezed his arm around her neck a tad bit. “And I will be curious as to who you will pick from those many warriors. I know for a fact that there are many skillful dragir to choose from. I’ve been hearing rumors about several dragir who also are very talented in the blade art, which again brings forth the noble Primrose name.”
“Yes, perhaps that House has no mages who might fill Magnifica's shoes one day, but they have plenty of talented warriors. But besides them, there are many that I am considering taking along,” Lazarus let her know. “I’d mention House names to you, but it’s best if you find out tomorrow, don’t you think? It would be my honor to present those warriors to you personally. And I am sure that they'd also be glad to meet my future wife.”
“As you wish,” Vee smiled at him, then the two shared a kiss.
They would spend ten more minutes admiring the scenery below, and they would share breakfast before they both departed to handle other tasks in their agendas.

*End of Chapter 1*

 

[Vanessa28]

That was magnificent!! You haev a great writing style Ats and I cannot wait to see more coming and what the secret will be what was tasked to lazarus

 

[Myriadviper42]

Can I be villain's right hand? You didn't post it in the updated list. Is that taken,If so......

Name: Exan Verunius
Age: 403
Race: Demon
Role: Villain's right hand
Appearance: Could almost pass for human, has long dark brown hair and golden eyes.
Height: 6'4"
Weight: 176
Personality: Calm, loyal, does as he's told but won't hesitate to bend orders if it is more effective to do it his way. He likes to twist others' words to his advantage, whether to help the cause or help his cruelty, or both.
Outfit: Black armor with red cloak.
Weapons: Broadsword, twin daggers
Favorite Food: Ummm.....?
Region: Dragiri



That was a really good chapter, got introduced to Laz and Vee, and it'll be intersting to see what happens next.

 

[Ⓡⓔⓖⓘⓝⓛⓔⓘⓕ]

@Vee Thanks for reading, I am glad you liked it. I might post something more later on, not today maybe, but surely some other time, I wanna keep hooking people into this new story because it is gonna be better than the previous one.

@Myriad If you want that spot you cannot be a dragir, you'd either have to be a human, or an demon. Your choice. And you can also be a dragir, but you won't be the MV's right hand. So yeah, think about it.

 

[Chilfo Freeze]

I peeked. Well, I did more than peek at the chapter... I read the whole thing. Couldn't help myself, Gobli! You're writing style kept me reading, and that's a trait that every writer should have. This first chapter was an excellent lead-in. It makes me want to know more about what that package is!

Since you have this story set to be published, I will give a little more effort in critiquing! ^^

The first sentence... it's repetitive. Instead of saying "each other" twice, you could just finish off the sentence with the word "touching". Just something that may make it sound better, IMO.

In the second sentence, you don't need the comma after "small trees". The reason for this is because when you put a comma to end a list of things and continue the sentence, the rest of the sentence after that last comma should be able to become its own sentence. (Oh gawd, that's probably confusing.) Lemme show you.

You have: "They were staring down below at what seemed to be a large training ground surrounded by well-trimmed grass, small trees, and high stony walls that encircled the compound completely." BUT, if you take the rest of the sentence after the last comma, it is not able to stand alone as its own sentence... "High stony walls that encircled the compound completely."
...Make sense? So... no comma.

One last thing. Here's the sentence. "Still, despite the pleasant morning promising a good day, one of those two figures was not feeling that good during that morning." Instead of "good", it should be "well".

Gobli, I must say, this chapter is very promising! :yes: