I have a lot of friends at my school. For once in my life, I'm actually happy, because I have a lot of people I can hang out with and I'm hardly ever alone anymore.
But today I had a revelation. Are they really my friends? I hang out with these guys, we practice together in the halls, we eat lunch together, we go out for beers after a long day. I consider myself to be quite close to them. But how close are they actually to me? I love them to bits, but there are tons of things about myself that I hide from them. For example, ZD. But not just ZD, there are things about my past, and even my present, that I don't feel comfortable telling them. They know next to nothing about me, and I know next to nothing about them. So are they really my friends? Friends are supposed to be people you can count on, people you can share your darkest secrets with. But there are things I can't even imaging telling them. It makes me wonder how many of my "friendships" are genuine, and if I really have any true friends at all at this moment. I shouldn't have to live a lie around them.
I don't know. Just random thoughts I've been having. I wish I could figure this out because it's really bothering me. I love these guys, they're like family to me, but I hide my life from them. Are they really my true friends then? I know they'd be totally understanding about anything I tell them, but idk... I hate living a lie but I still feel like I have to, and I really don't like feeling this way.