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General Art Wielder of Aegis' Various Short Stories of Woe and Pancakes

Wielder of Aegis

Greetings everypony!
Jan 26, 2010
The Celestial Plain
Hey all! :rolleyes: I just thought I'd post a thread for short stories that I wrote last year. This here is the cream of the crop. "The Happy Moose that Went Crazy.":D

We all knew right from the start that there was something different about Gerald, but we never thought it would come to this. Our herd wasn’t one to criticize a moose that was different, but Gerald had an odd vacant glint in his eyes. And when he ate his walnuts at the campfire, he stared into space, as if in deep thought. Gerald was the awkward newbie of the group; happy and eager to make friends. All the other mooses tried to make him feel accepted, but I could tell they tried just as hard to keep their distance from him.
The night before Gerald arrived, Charlie had a dream where the entire state of Maine was on fire. “It’s a premonition, I tell ya!” he said that morning. “A whole lotta stuff’s gonna go down soon, ya hear?” Charlie was the other oddball of the group, but we loved him for it. Gerald arrived after breakfast.
“Hi! I’m Gerald,” the stranger said. “My herd kicked me out, and I need a place to stay.”
There were some strange looks from the group. I was the first to come forward. “Welcome to the herd Gerald. My name’s Edgar,” I said. I introduced the rest of the gang; Burnsie, Wendell, Gary, Eli, and Joe. Charlie refused to welcome Gerald. I gave him a dirty look to show him I disapproved. He responded with a sarcastic hello.
Over the next few months Gerald lived among us. We were unsure of him at first, but we all grew to accept him. Except Charlie. “I don’t trust that guy,” Charlie said. “I ain’t seen a moose that suspicious looking since aught six, dag nabbit!”
Charlie became more distant every day. He slept more and changed the subject whenever Gerald was brought up in conversation. He was starting to tick me off. I’d never thought of Charlie as rude, just quirky.
Then we saw the minivan drive down Sabbatus road past Cushman Pond. The odd glint in Gerald’s eyes made me nervous.
“Who’s that?” he asked.
“That’s the Moore’s car,” I explained. “Every summer they drive up here to stay with Glenn and Claire.”
“Who are they?”
“They’re an old couple who have a summer home here. Their son’s family visits for a week in August. We have a rule when it comes to humans. Don’t directly communicate with them.”
“Why?” he asked.
“It’d upset the balance of nature,” Eli said.
“Why?” asked Gerald.
“Because it just doesn’t work out that way,” Burnsie said, getting frustrated.
Joe finally snapped. “YOU JUST CAN’T OK?!”
I turned to Joe. “Relax, man. Geez.”
Things went well until Wednesday. We were eating lunch when Gerald said, “What’s that smell?” He wandered away. We ran after him. We stopped at the edge of the forest by Glenn and Claire’s house. And there, in the front yard was Gerald, looking into the house. Through the window we could see the Moores making muffins.
I tried to get Gerald’s attention. “Hey! Get over here, you son of a cow!” I yelled as quietly as I could.
He looked over and reluctantly walked back to the woods.
Wendell was the first to reprimand the troublemaker. “What the heck were you thinking?! Are your antlers on tight enough?!”
“Jesus, Gerry!” Gary said. “What did we tell you?”
“Sorry,” said Gerald, “but I’m partial to muffins.”
“It’s not about the muffins, genius!” said Eli.
I came forward. “Guys calm down. I’ll straighten him out.”
I took Gerald through the woods as I explained the concept of human interaction. “You have to understand that humans think that animals can’t speak or regulate conscious thought. And it’s our duty to keep it that way. Do not talk to humans. If they found out that mooses can talk, the whole world would fall into total anarchy.”
“That would make a good sci-fi movie,” he said.
“Yes, but man is surprisingly dull-witted and easily corrupted. They don’t react well to tremendous change in what they consider normal. Some things are better left as mysteries, OK?”
“Yes Mr. Edgar!”
“Hey,” I said, “Call me Ed.”
He walked away as a voice behind me said, “Trouble with the youngling, eh?”
I turned to face Charlie. “Just a little social skills lesson.”
The old moose sighed. “I’ve come to make amends for my rude behavior over the past few months, Ed. You know, this morning I was so close to apologizing and accepting that lad into the herd, but this little muffin incident has hindered my trust in him. So, I’ll give him the rest of the week to be good. If he can make it till Sunday morning without screwing up, I’ll accept him, but if he fails, he’s out of the herd!”
That seemed like a good enough deal. And it went perfectly until Saturday night. See, when the Moores come to Maine every summer, they go moose-hunting. Not the kind of hunting with guns; hunting as in just looking for mooses. I just wish I’d explained that to Gerald.
We were grazing in a clearing when we saw the minivan. Gerald looked confused.
“Where are they going?” he asked.
Eli pulled the pin. “They’re going moose-hunting,” he said.
Gerald gasped. “Moose hunting?! We’re all gonna die! Don’t worry Mr. Edgar! I’ll stop them!”
I called after him as he charged after the van. None of us could watch. We shut our eyes, but we could still hear the screams of little Jamie, and the others. I looked up and gasped. Gerald had disappeared, but the van was flipped over onto its back. “Come on guys!” I said. “We’ve got to save them!”
Each of the guys pulled a family member out of the wreckage. I myself came to Jamie’s rescue. After I pulled him out he stared up at me with wild eyes.
“You saved my life!” he said.
I decided to risk it. “You’re welcome, kid.”
His jaw dropped, and he ran away screaming, “Mom! That moose just talked to me!”
Wendell looked at me. “You spoke to a human,” he said.
“Eh. Nobody’ll believe him.”
“But you broke the laws of nature.”
“Alright, tell you what, if the world falls into total chaos, I owe you a Coke."

So that’s the story, but be warned. If a wild moose is rampaging through your neighborhood, call animal control. Because only you can bring to justice, the happy moose that went crazy!

The End...

What dost thou think?:puppy:
Jan 28, 2011
His jaw dropped, and he ran away screaming, “Mom! That moose just talked to me!”
Wendell looked at me. “You spoke to a human,” he said.
“Eh. Nobody’ll believe him.”
“But you broke the laws of nature.”
“Alright, tell you what, if the world falls into total chaos, I owe you a Coke."

That's Awesome :D. I didn't know moose drank Coke; guess you learn something new everyday :lol:.

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