Things That Are on Your Mind

[Wolf Sage]

I've been here for less than a year, I've made friends, I've become a part of something I could nearly consider a family, I've talked to some people from here on Skype. This place has become a home for me, more of a home than the roof over my head. I feel like I've made a mistake coming here. Interacting socially has always been hard for me and I know I tend to say something that will ruin a conversation and I am unable to start a good conversation on my own. I thought that maybe here it would be different, but I feel it's been getting worse. The worst part is that now people care about me and I don't know how to be a friend to them. I feel like I'm failing, I feel like I'm butting in every time I say something. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't leave because there is nothing for me anywhere else, but the longer I stay the more I feel like I'm intruding. I know I should take a break, but I already have trouble staying away from this place for a few hours and not feeling lonely. I don't really have any irl friends who seem to care, they often forget about me and when I do hang with them it obvious that I annoy them. I guess either way I seem to feel lonely. I can't find my place anymore, I've never been able to find my place. I don't know what there is after this, but I can't see a happy option. My life has been marked by failure after failure, there is
no motivation to do anything but fail anymore.

I'm scared of not knowing what I plan on doing to help myself out of this situation, it would be so much easier if I could just go up to somebody who could help and ask them for advice. But I can't waste anybody else's time on me for them to only fail. It's kind of funny how I'm more comfortable bringing things like this up to random people on the internet than I am with a school counselor or something like that, isn't it? I guess it's because I can't see the look of disappointment on your faces. Maybe that's why I love this place so much, because I can just pretend like there's nothing wrong. I can pretend like there is nothing wrong without having to lie...without having to put a fake smile on my face.

This sounds all too familiar. Eerie.

---

Peculiar. There's this error message that keeps popping up on the top of the Google search page every time I type my [real] name in the search bar:

error on line 2 at column 1476: xmlParseEntityRef: no name

The engine generates two measly results that are completely unrelated to my [full] name in any way, shape, or form. What's more is there's this huge blank space below the two search results I mentioned, which I conjecture might somehow be connected to the error message. I'munna try typing my name in there a few more times throughout the day, because I'm really curious as to where my [real] name'll end up (like, which websites. Etc.). I find it really bizarre that this appears to only happen when I search MY name.

 

[Japas]

I was in art class one day and we were talking about cars and I mentioned something about my car and this one kid was like "Oh you have a car?" and I was like "Yeah, I just can't drive it yet because I only have my permit and we have to see if the battery still works." And another kid was like "What kind of car do you have?" And I was all "A 1996 Ford Taurus" and it was the funniest thing in the world. Both of them burst out laughing and they were like "Oh I have a <insert expensive car name here>" and I'm like "Well, my car was used and has been used by both of my sisters" and the kid was like "oh no one cares" and I'm like "Yeah, I would like a nice car but I don't need a nice car seeing as I'm 17 and still learning to drive." And the teacher that sits in on the class (not the teacher of the class) was like "That's a very good thing to consider." It just pisses me off so much. Like, I really don't care what kind of car I have. If it can get me from Point A to Point B then that's all I need. I'm learning how to drive legally and I'm going to buy my first actual car with legal money not from selling marijuana. Of course, I didn't say this but I wanted to. But the first kid is also the kid who asked me if my earrings were real. And I'm like "No, they came in a pack of 12 because I need to keep my hole open." And he's like "Yeah I can tell they're fake because they turned your ears black." And I wanted to be all like 1. My ears are black on that hole because they've been re-pierced so many times. 2. I honestly don't give a damn if my earrings are fake or not. I have a pair of real gold earrings that I will never in my life wear to a high school. I honest to god hate my school so much I'm just glad we have 47 days left. This is the same kid who came into class (again in art) back in October and wrote his nickname on my paper in orange highlighter. I was just starting a new project and I'm like "<teacher name> I'm going across the hall." And I took my picture with me and cried in the desk across the hall. After the first day of school I went to see one of the staff members and all I had to say was "Well, only 179 days left."

 

[Japas]

Only 47 more days of school!

 

[Vanessa28]

This week will be a good week

 

[Vanessa28]

Some people are so judgemental about fans of another team....

 

[Sydney]

I'm nervous for this week. The week before spring break, and we're supposed to present a play. A play where one person dropped out months ago, and we recently (like 1-2 weeks ago) lost a lead. Oh, did I mention the play is two and half hours long?!?!? From what I've heard, it's pretty boring... What bothers me the most is that I'm supposed to stay after this entire week to help out, but guess what? The crew pretty much finished everything they needed to, so we're technically not even needed (there's no set changes, which is what most of us usually help with come showtime). My only option would be to help with costume changes which, let me tell you, is LOW on my priority list. Oh, I completely forgot my friend's Bday is tomorrow, and I barely even started her present. So, on top of being a ****** friend and one tired techie, my parents keep bothering me about my birthday. I don't even want to think about it at this point -- I can't, not until Sunday at the latest. I'm just really stressed, and I have no idea why I even typed this. I just wanna sit in a corner and cry it out, but that solves nothing, and it just makes it worse. I need to make it to the weekend, and then I can relax (probably not because we have a showing Saturday, and not to mention I'll have a crapton of homework).

Hi I'm atikus and I'm so screwed.

 

[sailormars109]

I really hope this chapter of my fanfic turns out well. It's the first.... extremely mature.... writing I've made and am going to publish. I'm super nervous!

Also, I'm sitting at our kitchen table with a blanket wrapped around me because I'm cold. Am I the only one that does this?

 

[Vanessa28]

Too much...so many drama on the net

 

[Skunk]

Finished a crappily made project(not that I didn't try, just that I can't make one beyond a crappy one) project that I'll upload here once it's all exported and uploaded.

Upload:

[video=youtube;jSaDmxR5640]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSaDmxR5640&feature=youtu.be[/video]

 

[Seth]

Scared I'll eventually go bald

 

[Sheik]

I'm happy because an awesome amusement park in my city is finally being reopened after about four years of being closed down.

 

[Vanessa28]

The pics are beautiful The weather was really good

 

[Lord Vain]

Was planning on going up to visit a friend of mine while I'm laid off, but unfortunately that seems to be an unrealistic plan now for various reasons, so who knows when it can happen...you know though, sh*t happens, and usually at the worst times. Hopefully someday.

 

[*M i d n a*]

Gonna go watch Noah after all.

 

[*M i d n a*]

Someone I hold dear to me is back; why shouldn't I be happy? ^^