The Shadow of a Hero.

[eponafan]

This is my NEW fic.NOTE: I do not count LA as an adventure( since it was a dream) but ZW is.

Chapter:1-the Triforce
Part-1-The Rouge

It seemed like only an hour ago he burned the village's education district. That's because it was. He took his slingshot and SHOT the lantern! Now, his Mom had something to say:
Mom: .....how...how...HOW COULD YOU????
????: ....well, you load it, then aim,and...
Mom: NOT what I meant! That's it, let's go!
10 minuets later....

Mom: so could you do this, Link?
Link: What's the kid's name?
????: it's Topa.
Mom: Thanks for watching Topa, Link. I know you like to watch troublemakers.

Link: So,Topa.What do you like to do?
Topa: shoot stuff with Harro.
Link: Harro?
Topa: My Slingshot.
Link: Let's try this:

Then, link handed Topa an awesome new destructive item:the wooden sword.

Topa: This is the second coolest thing i've ever seen!
Link: second? What's the first?
Topa: this! My lucky charm!
Link: ....th-th-th- THAT'S A PIECE OF THE TRIFORCE!

 

[ChargewithSword]

As enjoyable as a story it is. This is not a very good format for any fan fiction out there. Script is something we use for movies because we have images that describe the situation for us.

That's because it was.
That is the example of an incomplete sentence, you do not explain to us what the experience was.
You also fail to give us any back-story on the other characters (who are not Link). You only mention what they did and that they are now going to Link for help.

I do notice that you try to add emphasis to your words by having them in caption and I applaud you for trying to make up for your lack of detail.

I would suggest adding detail for your later chapters and ditching this script format. it does seem to be coming as an interesting story though.

 

[eponafan]

NOTE: when I say "piece of Triforce, i do not mean one of the triangles, i mean a piece, like in WW. also, taking Chargewithsword's advice i decided to ditch the script. im still doing 1 a day, and on friday and saturday im doing 2 a day, and mabye 2 on sunday, depending on my mood.

 

[eponafan]

CHAPTER: 2- Hyrule
Part: 1- the bulbos

Link had the rush of 13 adventures in his blood. In each of those, getting the Triforce wasn't as easy as this.

"Ready?" Link asked. "Ready." Topa replied. Link had already explained the Triforce to Topa, and said they had to go to Hyrule for reasons he wouldn't tell him. "Alright!" said Link, getting on Epona. "Do you have a horse?" "Well, I have something to ride!" exclaimed Topa. So, they set off to Hyrule. Link, on Epona. And Topa, on his dog. Now, it wasn't a tiny Chihuahua, it was bigger than most dogs are. "So whats his name?""Rako." "Well, you see the castle in the distance? That's...BULBOS!" shouted Link, as bulbos and bulbins appeared.Then, they STABBED Link with a Stallroot. A Stallroot is a root of the Brinko plant ( which parralizes the nerves) and a Wolfos Fang. "G-g-go t-t-to hi-Hyrule.Mee-t the princess." Link tried to say before the Bulbins carried him away.
Then, Topa manged to escape on Rako. "*gasp* *gasp*. Where am I?" Topa asked no one. "WeLcOmE!!" said a raspy voice "to the Lost Woods!!!"

"Just take it." Topa said, as the skull kid took his "Lucky Charm". "Ah. perfect" Then, a man came, and slashed skull kid, and took the Triforce piece, willingly knowing what it was, and gave it back to Topa. "Whats your name?" Topa asked. "Alamar." So with that, they headed off to Hyrule.

 

[eponafan]

CHAPTER 2-Hyrule
Part 2- Distress

Link was walking around a field,freely. Then, he heard it, as he saw a blue blur. It said the dreaded words. "Hey! Listen!" Link awoke in a start. He was in a dark, rat infested cell. "better than the dream..."

Topa really liked Alamar. "so, what are we going to Hyrule FOR?" asked Topa, clueless. "We are going to see princess Zeelda." he said, as Topa realized he had a foreign accent. "I will wait out here." "why?" "People...can be...cruel..." So, Topa entered Hyrule castle town and saw nobody there. Not even the guards were at the castle.So he walked into the castle, and saw one person. "Who are you?" they both asked. "I am Topa Ostt of Kumarari." "I am Zelda Hyrule of...Hyrule." "AH!P-princess!" "its OKAY! you don't have to be so...formal!" "so, where is everyone?" "Theyre all at a meeting. Did you not here? the Triforce BROKE into 6 pieces!" "Like this?" Topa asked, while holding up his "lucky charm". "YES!" Zelda exclaimed, then looked out a window, and started crying. "someone bad must have stalked you!" "why?" "Because, there is a band of Gerudo thieves burning down the village!" And then, Topa looked out the window, and the one leading the thieves, was Alamar.

 

[*M i d n a*]

Glad you switched over to this kind of format, though you should try using this sorta style when having the characters speaking:

"Ready? Link asked.

"Ready," Topa replied.

If you have: "Ready," Link asked. "Ready," Topa replied." That sorta causes confusion at times. Anyway, I use the style I described to you above, it is better that way imo and it will look better and more organized. Also, the reader will have a better read knowing who is speaking what. Regardless of what style you use, nice story you got going.

 

[eponafan]

Thanks for the awesome comments guys! I'll try to get a better format, too, and make this story as AWESOME as possible!

 

[eponafan]

CHAPTER 2-Hyrule
Part 3- Alamar's story

"Never!" shouted Link.
"I'll let you go, as soon as you tell me!" spat the Gerudo."WHERE.IS.THE BOY?!" Link thought.and thought. and thought. Finally, he had an idea.
"....He's in Kakariko." lied Link.
"Alright. Execute him in the morning. We're 'Letting you go'. HAHAHAHA!!" Shouted the Gerudo, at a bulbin, then at Link.

His name wasn't really Alamar. It was Kurino. As the Gerudos entered the town, they ambushed the guards, and Kurino removed his hood. As he was doing this, Zelda saw him. "That's Kurino!" she exclaimed.
"No.. that's Alamar." Topa replied.
"I HAVE eyes. That's Kurino, grandson of the great Ganondorf!" Zelda cried.
"Whoose.." Topa began. "NO time!" Zelda excaimed. "Use this route to escape to Kakariko.When there, go to Death Mountain." Zelda explained, as she opened a tunnel.Topa had no choice but to go through.

Topa arrived just in time to see a man with a with a sword kill 10 Bulbins, and a Gerudo. He wore a cloak, but Topa knew he could trust him, somehow.
"Who are you?" The man asked. "Topa" he replied. "I am Karrma." "oh..well, have you seen anything like this?" Topa asked, holding up his Triforce Neckless. "....Yes. THIS!" he said, as he held up a piece of the triforce, while accedentilly dropped his sword.
"Nice sword." Topa declared. "It's a special sword." Karrma added. "known as the Master sword."

 

[eponafan]

NOTE: before you read this, keep in mind: I have not beat MM, so I do not know how it ends. Also, this isnt too related to mm, but just read it.

CHAPTER: 3- Majora's Mask
Part 1- New Item

Link had been able to predict the future when in danger. For instance, one day, he got a death threat. That night, he had a dream, and when he woke up, he felt like drawing a horse. That day, he got Epona. Today, he felt like drawing a mask, one that looked familiar. He It's the same feeling he gets when he sees an Ocarina. Anyway, this mask was shaped like a heart with spikes. Link didn't realize it, but this was Majora's mask.

Topa was scared. Not because of Karrma, but because Bulbins and Gerudos riding Bulbos were coming.
"I'll hold them off!" Karrma stated." You find a cave in Death Mountain to hide."
" Alright." Topa agreed, as he ran to Death Mountain.

So, after he found a cave, there was a hole, the size of a heart with spikes. Then, a fairy appeared.
"I was once a forest fairy, but became immortal to guard this Triforce piece."
"What is your name?"
"Tatl."
"So, how do I get this piece?
"Someone stole the mask that fits there, so I broke it into three pieces. the first is across this gorge.Use this." Tatl said as she gave him...The hookshot!

so, Topa used the hookshot to get across the gorge. However...
" Halfway th-" Topa started to say, as the hookshot broke, and he fell down the 50 foot gorge.

 

[Tom]

Wow, you are definetely getting better. It is really nice to see you are improving your writing skills more and more. Good luck with that story.

 

[eponafan]

It's time for some bonus content! the name Topa Ostt comes from zelda game initials. Twilight Oracle Princess Ages (I like seasons better, but Tops wasn't a good name) Ocarina Spirit Time Tracks. Hope you enjoy this!

 

[eponafan]

CHAPTER: 3- Majora's Mask
Part 2- Old Man

Link was worried. In his dreams, he never sees Topa anymore. He decided to look out the window. You see, the prison where the cells are held is mostly underground, so outside Link's window , he could touch the ground. There, he found the thing that would ensure his freedom.

As Topa was falling, he landed. "Am...am I dead?" He asked himself. Then he realized something. He was on a cliff. Then he looked at the hookshot. Something was written on it. "One Mask piece sleeps with the fishes, one is in a dead field, and the final is in the Final Resting Place." It read. Then, something passed by the wall. It was a bombchu. It exploded, and destroyed the weakend cliff, as Topa fell into the shallow water bellow.

Winston was a unique man. He didn't even like his original name. That's why he changed it to Winston. Every day, he went to the mostly-dried-up-lake. Every day, there was less and less water. But this was the first time he found a boy in the water.

"Who are you?" Topa asked, after finally gaining contiousness.
"I am known as Winston these days." He stated.
"GAHHHHHHHH!" Topa shouted, after looking at his wooden sword. "My sword...It's broke!!!"
"Pffft! wooden sword. Back in my day, we didn't have wooden swords, only wooden shields! I had this for a sword. Keep it." Winston said, as he handed Topa an ACTUAL sword.
"Is it called anything?"
"Well, It's been a while, but when I was ten, we called it... The Kokiri sword."
Then, Topa heard something Echoing. It was the weed used to call Epona!

 

[eponafan]

Chapter 3- Majora's Mask
Part 3- Revenge

Link was happy. When he summoned Epona, he gave her a note for Topa. You see, horses can find anyone. Even at the bottom of a gorge. However, Epona wasn't the only one who heard the weed. Then, the bulbins came in.

Winston's journal: Entry 1- I have finally done it! I found the famous kokiri sword! I, being an infamous treasure hunter, just need the Deku shield!

"Say," asked Topa "have you seen anyone with any bombchus around here?"
"No, but there is a nice lad in those woods over there." Replied Winston.
And with that, Topa headed over to the lost woods again, but this time, right into Skull Kid's territory.

"WeLc- Skull Kid began "YOU! Your... Tapioca!"
"Topa!" Topa shouted, as skull kid took out a short sword, and launched towards Topa.

Topa countered his attack, by dodging it and moving towards his back, and hit him with his blade. Then, Skull Kid started to flee, but as he was running, Topa took out Harro. He SHOT skull kid in the back. Now, Skull Kid decided to get back at him, by setting up a bombchu. just when Topa was going to die thanks to a robot mouse, A horse came and got him out of the way, and gave him a letter. It read:
"Dear Topa,
This is Link. Enclosed, is a map of where the small jail is. I may have been paralized, but I could still see. Please rescuse me."
Then, Skull Kid stole the letter, Just to make Topa mad. Then, when he read it, he hopped on Epona.
"Where are you going?" Shouted Topa
"To rescue an old friend. By the way, He seems like an old friend of yours. This belonged to him, so take it."
And with that, skull kid gave Topa a Blue Ocarina.
"Winston knows the song to open up the Gorge Lake. That's where the first mask piece is, by the way."
And with that, He Rode off.

 

[Mighty Deku]

Awesome story eponafan

(I hope this is fifty characters)

 

[eponafan]

Thank you, I love the awesome comments I get, which is why I constantly refresh the page!