General Art The Rise of Elizibeth

[amaterasu]

I just started writing this fanfic this afternoon when i couldn't get on the computer. no lie. I don't do good with begginings, so to make up for it, i'll post the Prologue and Chapter One. If you didn't sign up already, the thread is here http://zeldadungeon.net/forum/showthread.php?19464-Just-A-Story-CHARACTER-IDEA-SIGN-UPSe i need more patrons, please! no more sages!

Prologue​

"Hey! You! Up There!" Elizieth awoke with a start. Rubbing her eyes, she looked down at the voice.

"What! Can't a girl get a little sleep up here!?" Then when she got a good look at the person, she realized who it was. He was a Hylian Knight.

"Get down from there!" the Knight shouted. "You are on Royal Family Property! You will be prosicuted for trespassing unless you leave immedietly!"

"Sorry! Sorry! I didn't know!" Elizibeth said, frantically scrambling down the tree. "I didn't know, it's just--"

"It's okay." The Knight interupted. "What's your name girl?"

"Elizibeth Carlson. Fifteen-year-old Hylian." Elizibeth said quietly. "You can call me Lizy for short."

"Okay then 'Lizy.' You seem like you had a rough night." he said, judging by her torn purple tunic, bloodshot emerald eyes and unkempt red hair. "Tell ya what. You give me twenty-five Ruppees, and we'll pretend like this never happened." The Knight suggested.

"Okay, here." Elizibeth said, handing him the money. "Can you give me a ride back to Hyrule Field?" I need to get my horse."

"Sure. Hop on." he replied, patting the saddle on his horse behind him.

"Thanks.

Chapter One
A New Start​

"Okay, here's your stop. You might wanna wash up by the river first." The Hylian Knight said, stopping his horse.

"Yeah. And change my clothes." Elizibeth added, hopping down. "Thanks again for your help!" she called as he galloped back towards town.

"Even though I'm a mess, I need to get to Bailey." Elizibeth muttered, taking off towards Lon-Lon Ranch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Lizy! What happened?!" Malon, gasped, seeing her various scratches and bruises, her torn clothes and messy hair. Malon was a small girl about the age of 10 with long red hair and sea blue eyes

"Tousle with some Stalchildren. Bigger group than usual, it was really wierd. Where's Bailey?" Elizibeth demanded.

"He came galloping in last night looking spooked." Ingo said, walking out with the horse in tow. Ingo was a tall man with a crooked mustache and brown eyes. "What happened?"

"Stalchildren army. There were more than usual, and Bailey ran off. I spent the night in a tree and a Knight kicked me out." Elizibeth explained.

"Sounds like You-know-who's back." Malon said quietly, the color draining from her face.

"You mean the 'G' name?" Ingo asked. Malon nodded. Even Bailey seemed to go on edge at the mention of the letter.

"Ganondorf." Elizibeth said aloud, her eyes narrowing. "I, Elizibeth Carlson, swear by the Goddesses that I will slay him."

Everybody gasped, and Bailey stomped his hooves in protest.

"That's suicide!"

"That's crazy!"

"It just might work."

"Dad! What are you saying! Elizibeth would be mince meat before she said anything to Gaonon!" Malon protested.

"She wouldn't even get to his tower!" Ingo added.

"She's standing right here." Elizibeth said, annoyance dripping from her voice. "We all know Link isn't here, and I'm damn sure none of the knights are brave enough!

"Well, you're going to need some major help then. Follow me. Ingo, Malon, tack up bailey." Talon, a guy like Ingo only fatter and with a straighter mustache, said, heading towards the grain silo.

 

[Ganondork]

Hm, it was an alright prologue and first chapter. I found it annoying when you referred to your protagonist as Elizabeth and Lizy. It made it sound like there were two people there instead of one. Maybe say her name when not in dialogue, and Lizy in dialogue.

You also needed to explain the environment and even characters better. Pretend people reading this have no idea what Malon looks like. Tell me what the horses are doing in their pens. And don't ever do this again:

"Well, you're going to need some major help then. Follow me. Ingo, Malon, tack up bailey." Talon said, heading towards the grain silo. (the big building in the corner of the ranch with the cows in it)

That is a horrible mistake. Explain what it is in detail and in story; never go out of scene to explain something.

 

[amaterasu]

*facepalms* okay. don't worry, it gets better as time goes on, and i'm already to Chpater Four. I thought it was chapter three but.... oh yeah! THAT's chapter three. Chapter 2 is EXCRUSIATINGLY LONG so the first part will be posted tommorow, and then the next part later that day.

technically, it is tommorow. if Chapter 2 isn't as long as it was on paper, i'll post all of it. if not, i'll post the other half later today.

Chapter Two
Family Secrets​

"I've never seen this part of the Ranch." Elizibeth breathed, looking around.

"That's because you're always pokin' around the other parts of the Ranch and hangin' out in the Field. But you ain't seen nothin' yet." Talon said, walking over to the some crates. "Give me a hand movin' these boxes."

Together, Malon and Elizibeth moved the crates to the other side of the room. Talon tore a large poster of a cow off the wall to reveal a door. Walking in, Elizibeth looked around. There were multiple tunics, and some swords and shields. "Talon...."

"Welcome to my secret stash. 'Got everything you'd need. Tunics, weaponry, shields.... The list goes on. Talon Explained.

"Where did you get all this stuff?!" Elizibeth gasped.

"Call it my personal collection. Go ahead, look around."

Elizibeth flipped through the tunics of all different colors, and the maps of every part of Hyrule. There was an assortment of shields and armors as well. She looked at Talon. "What do I need?"

"Well, for starters, a new tunic. Then, we need to figure out what weapon suits you best. Sword, bow, knives, things like that. here. Wear this until Malon fixes your old tunic." he said, handing her a green one. Talon left Elizibeth to change and explore the room while he checked on Bailey.

Elizibeth walked over to the weapons and took a look. Picking up a sword, she swung it around, learing how to adjust the wieght on her arm. Then she found a bow and some arrows. Aiming at a spider on the wall, she drew back the string, and hit the spider dead center, pinning it to the wall. "Bullseye." she said aloud.

"Lizy?" Malon's quiet voice drifted into the room. "I finished our tunic."

"Aw, thanks Malon. Looks better than when it was new." Elizibeth said, putting down the bow and taking it.

"I have to give you somthing, and teach you something. Here." Malon said, handing her a small box. "Open it."

Opening the box, Lizy found a small blue ocarina with a Tri-force on the reed. The Ocarina of Time. Elizibeth's eyes went wide. "Malon. Where did you get this?"

"Remember how Link went missing? I found this in Epona's saddlebag the day she came back. With a note. It said;

"Malon. I have gone to a different place, far away from Hyrule, and sent Epona back with this ocarina. I know that Ganondorf will once again rise. When he does, give it to Elizibeth Carlson. Teach her how to play it, and tell her never to give up." Malon repeated.

"How did he know me? I watched him from the window the day he got Epona." Elizibeth remembered.

"He saw you, and asked about you. I told him you liked to hang out in the field and often hung around at night just to kill the Stalchildren and keep them from the Ranch. Link said you reminded him of himself." Malon explained.

"Oh. WEll, you wanna help me pick stuff out?" Elizibeth asked, trying to change the subject.

"Actually, I have somthing to say as well." Ingo said, walking inside. "Elizibeth Carlson. You have grown into a beautiful young woman. I have watched you grow up since you were a young child. Would you like to know thestory of you origin?" Ingo asked.

"Yes sir." Elizibeth said, sitting on a crate of arrows. Malon sat next to her.

"Do you remember what you learned about the different races of Hyrule? Goron, Hylian, Gerudo, Zora, and Kokiri?" Ingo asked.

"Yes. Goron are like, rock people that are heat tollorant and eat rocks, Zora are amphibous people with blue skin and gills. Gerudo are people from the desert, who are an all female race with one male born every 100 years. Their King. AKA, Ganon. Hylians are you and me. Regular skin tones and hair, and pointy ears. Kokiri are just like us Hylians only they live in the forest, and have fairies assigned to them when they're created. They can never leave Kokiri Forest and live eternally as children." Elizibeth said.

"Do you remember how Link was raised as a Kokiri, but was really a Hylian?"

"Yes."

"You are a Kokiri Elizibeth."

"What!? Why didn't you tell me this sooner! Why havn't I died yet! Why am I fifteen!" Elizibeth shouted, anger coloring her face red.

"Lizy, calm down. Let Ingo explain! Please!" Malon said pulling on her tunic to get her to sit down.

The rest of the story will be posted later today. EPIC CLIFFHANGER.

 

[Luigidude64]

Don't Kokiri wear Green? And have Blue eyes? Other than a few spelling mistakes, it was fairly good, a bit more detail is needed but it's not all completely awful, or perfect. But it is quite entertaining, it seems more like something that you just read, you should try and add in some more action and again, just a tad bit more detail.

 

[Linknerd09]

Great story! I love it! Can't wait for next chapter...

 

[amaterasu]

Don't Kokiri wear Green? And have Blue eyes? Other than a few spelling mistakes, it was fairly good, a bit more detail is needed but it's not all completely awful, or perfect. But it is quite entertaining, it seems more like something that you just read, you should try and add in some more action and again, just a tad bit more detail.

it will all be explained in Ingo's Story. The second half of Chapter 2!

"Fine." Elizibith grumbled, sitting back down and crossing her arms.

"Okay. You were born as a Kokiri, but raised as a Hylian. Usually the Kokiri live eternally as kids, but you were an acception. The Greak Deku Tree knew of your importance and bent the rules a little. When you were born, you were taken from Kokiri Forest and brought here. Talon nor I knew where you came from, so we raised you as our daughter. As far ask the Kokiri are concerned, you're a Hylian. The Deku Tree even made it so you wouldn't look like a Kokiri. Red hair and emerald green eyes." Ingo explained.

"And why didn't you tell me this!?" Elizibith demanded, her face changing color again.

"Lizy, it's okay. the Great Deku Tree requested it." Malon quickly explained. "That's why you're here."

Elizibeth's emerald eyes searched Malon's sea blue ones, but she couldn't find any trace of lies in the girl's eyes. Her face went back to normal. "Okay. But I will always think of you as my my crazy uncle, Talon as my dad, and Malon as my best friend and sister." she said with a small smile. "I love you guys!"

"Aw, I love you too! And I will always think of you as my sister!"

"And my niece."

"And my daughter."

okay, cheesy ending, but still. Chapter Three, Lizy's Training, is EXTREMELY BORING in my opinion, and will be posted later today.

okay then. it's dark out here, so Chapter Three is here! i'm not going to post another chapter until MUCH later tommorow.

Chapter Three
Lizy's Training​

"Okay. Voice down, bow up. Ready. Aim. Fire." talon wispered to Elizibeth. Letting the bowstring go, she watched ti fly through the air and hit a Guay square in the wing.

Of Course, that triggered the whole flock of them to start dive-bomb Elizibeth and Talon. "Run!" she screamed, kicking Bailey into a caunter and hurrying back to the barn. Even while they ran Elizibeth did her best to aim and shoot more Guays out of the sky.

"Wait ofr me!" Talon shouted, kicking up dirt and gravel as he ran, trying to catch up with Bailey and Elizibeth. When he reached the barn, he was red in the face and sweaty. "Okay... Yo-you are.... good wi-... with archery...." he panted. "N-next..... Session."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Okay. This time, we're going to be the ones with the bows. If we hear you, we'll shoot at you." Malon explained, leading Elizibeth, who was blindfolded, to the center of the corral. "You use all of your stealth to sneak through the Ranch, and grab all twelve flags."

"Okay. Don't worry, there won't be any shots fired at me." Elizibeth assured her with a sly smile.

Malon left Elizibeth and walked near the front door of the house. "And.... Blindfold off!" she shouted before heading inside. Ripping off the blindfold, Elizibeth ran towards the back of the corral and grabbed a flag. Looking around, she saw Ingo to her left, heading towards the barn, and a flag about halfway up the side of the house. Running to it, Elizibeth found some rocks to climb on and reach it. Hopping up onto them, she grabbed the flag, and landed back on the rocks, slipping off. Her boots squeaked, causing Talon to look over. Elizibeth dived behind a crate, and waited for him to go into the grain silo.

Then Elizibeth looked around again, seeing another flag right next to her. Plucking it up, she saw another one about twenty yards in front of her. The bad part, it was out in the open. So, she looked around for each family member. Ingo was walking out of the barn, and walked inside. Malon walked out of the house and was walking towards a spooked horse. "Okay. Just enough time." Elizibeth muttered to herself, dashing from her hiding spot and towards the barn. One, two flags, and one on the door.

Entering the barn, Elizibeth took a quick glance around. There was one in the saddles, and one in the spiderweb in the darkest corner of the barn. She began to walk towards the door, but then heard footsteps and hoofsteps outside. Elizibeth cracked open a crate of oats and hid inside, holding the lid about an inch high so she could see. Malon walked inside, leading Spazz to his stall, quietly wispering to him.

"It's okay Spazz. It was just a little Guay. Just an undergrown Cucoo, it couldn't of hurt you." Malon put the horse into his stall and took off the lead rope. Hanging it on the hook beside his stall, she left the barn.

Elizibeth climbed out, but was stabbed in the leg by something sharp. Looking at her leg, she saw a flag sticking out of the side. "Clever." she thought, climbing out and putting her ear to the Barn door. Hearing Malon's footsteps fade away, she creaked the door open to see her heading to the Grain Silo, and Ingo spreading manure. Jogging to the house, she found one flag on one of Talon's Super Cucoos. Elizibeth went upstairs to the apartment and found another flag under the matress. "Okay. That just leaves the Grain Silo." she said, putting her hand on the doorknob. Right as she was about to turn it, she heard Talon walk in.

"I have to admit, the girl's aim is good, and nobody has seen her since the flag finding session started." Talon boasted.

"Hmmm. And how many flags has eh found?" an unknown voice asked. It sounded high-pitched and small.

"Not a clue. We'll just have to wait 'n see." Footsteps left the room, but Elizibeth only heard one set of feet. Wierd.

Hopping down the stairs, she looked out the window to see where everybody was. Not seeing anybody, she closed the curtains and felt somthing hit her head. The twelfth flag. Smiling, Elizibeth picked it up and walked outside, and into the barn. Meanwhile, Malon and Talon walked in the house. Sneaking up on Ingo, she clamped her hands on his shoulders, and shouted into his ear. "I found all of the flags!"

Ingo jumped, his heart racing, then realized it was just Elizibeth. "Good job. Knew you could do it Lizy. Lets go get Talon and Malon." Walking outside, he bellowed out their names. "Malon! Talon! Lizy finished finding the flags!"

The two came out of the house, Malon carrying glasses of Lon-Lon Milk, and Talon carrying apples. "Great job Liz'" He said, handing out the fruit.

"Awesome! Apples!" Elizibeth said, taking her snack. She took a bite of her apple. "So, what's next? Swordfighting?" she asked through a mouthful of food.

"Actually, there's somebody I need you to meet." Talon said, steping to the side.

"Hello Elizibeth. My name is Navi."

PLOT TWIST!

 

[Ganondork]

Hmmm, I never critiqued you for chapter 2, so I'll do it now. Your descriptions still need some work, and you're unrealistic about how Talon would talk. I'm guessing you've played Ocarina of Time, and you'd know that Talon is very lazy and sleeps next to all the time.

Descriptions hardly improved in chapter 3, especially because you didn't even describe what a Guay looks like. Explain how it flies before Lizy shot it with an arrow. And sometimes don't always say "Lizy did ____" or "She did _________" do something like:

With a flag out in the open, waiting for Ingo, Malon, and Talon to leave the area was the only way to grab it with detection

If you work on these things, your writing will greatly improve.

 

[amaterasu]

thanks. chapter four will be uploaded later today. I may've used Talon in the story, but i'm using pretty much everybody out of character. Notice how Ingo wasn't complaining that Talon was a lazy bum?

okay everybody, i admit. i am a moron. i skipped chapter four and went straight to chapter 5, so i had to renumber hte chapters. anyway, here's teh next chapter. very short BTW

Chapter Four
Navi's Story​

"Navi? You mean Link's fairy?" Elizibeth asked, dumbstruck.

"Yep. When he left, he sent me back to Kokiri forest." Navi explained. "Then when the Great Deku Tree Sappling called me, he explained your story. Do you want to know the story?" Navi asked.

"Please. Call me Lizy by the way."

"Okay Lizy. After Link defeated Ganon, Zelda asked him to return the Master Sword to the Pedestal of Time, thus returning him back to the past seven years. She asked for the Ocarina of Time back, but he kept it anyway. He sent it with Epona back here to Lon Lon Ranch. You should have it now."

"Yeah, Malon said she'd teach me how to play it." Elizibeth replied.

"Good. When Link sent it back with Epona, he also sent some messages. Did you get those as well?" Navi asked.

"No. Malon didn't tell me about them. She just repeated the note that was to her."

"Good. You're not supposed to read it yet. Malon will give it to you when the time comes."

"How long will that be!?" Elizibeth demanded.

"It all depends on how long you take. Time is everything you know Elizibeth." Navi said mysteriously. "Anyway, after Link sent Epona back, he asked me to go back to the Forest and tell the Great Deku Tree Sprout where he was going. Some place called 'Termania' By that time though, The Great Deku Tree Sprout had grown into a Sapling. The Deku Tree asked me to fill in for the faries of Kokiri Forest when they got sick or injured. Just recently, he sent me to bring you to the forest. I see that you're not yet done with 'training'. So, I will stay here until it's time for you to leave!" Navi announced.

"Um. Okay. I think the last thing I need to do is work with a sword and then learn the ocarina." Elizibeth said, looking at Talon for confirmation. He nodded.

"Good. Then let's get to work." Navi said.

 

[amaterasu]

wow. i can't belive how short that chapter was. here's chapter 5.

Chapter 5
Little Things​

Talon examined the wall, searching for just the right sword. "How about this?" he asked, picking up a medium sized long sword.

"Looks about like the Master Sword. That should help when Lizy draws the actual sword. Elizibeth, are you ready?" Navi asked.

"Ready as I'll ever be. What do you want me to do Talon?" Elizibeth asked, taking the weapon and spinning it around.

"Go outside and stand at the first bale of hay you see. I'll toss them to you and then you slice them how I call." Talon explained.

"Okay, let's go!" Elizibeth said, leading the way outside. She aproached the first bale and held the sword in her left hand, ready to strike.

Talon picked it up and stood back, then tossed it shouting; "DIce it!" Elizibeth did so with precision. Talon tossed the next. "Again!" she did so. Then he tossed another. "HOrizontal slice!" then another. "Verticle slice!" More and more hay came, and more and more hay was sliced.

"Good! You have a natural talent." Navi commented.

"Thanks. Malon, wanna teach me the ocarina now?" Elizibeth asked, taking out the Ocarina of Time.

"Yep. Okay, hold it like this..." Malon said, holding it so her thumb and fingers covered specific holes. "And then cover the different holes to play different notes." she said, demenstrating herself.

"Like this?" Elizibeth asked, copying the hand placements and holding the reed to her mouth, playing some random notes.

"Exactly."

"You'll learn new songs throughout your journey to help you. Songs to bring you to different places, and change some things. Good thing you learned to play now." Navi said.

"Yeah." Elizibeth said.

Okay, nother short chapter, but i've been suffering from writer's block, so when i run out of chapters, we're screwed until it goes away. D:

 

[Ganondork]

That's a shame that you have writer's block. Good chapters, although it would have been better if you explained how she did each sword attack. Also, in chapter four, you said Termania, not Termina. I don't know if that was on purpose or if it was a mistake. And when playing an ocarina, your two thumbs go on the back holes, and your fingers on the specific holes. For future reference.

 

[amaterasu]

okay thanks. i fail at spelling, and i kinda guessed about the ocarina from seeing peeps on youtube play theirs.

 

[amaterasu]

sorry for no update yesterday, got a bit sidetracked, so today, double chapters!

Chapter Six
Good-bye's Suck​

Elizibeth Carlson adjusted the sheath on her back, and twirled the sword nervously. Putting it in its sheath, she took the Shield from Ingo and put that on her back as well. Talon had gone to the market earlier that day and bought her a new orange tunic. She was wearing it now. Her quiver hung opposite her sword, the bow next to hit. her wallet was in one of the pockets on the quiver, as well as the Ocarina. Malon was doing her best to keep the tears at bay, but her eyes still watered. Everybody was choking back tears. Even the horses.

Ingo walked forward and gave Elizibeth a hug, as well as a small box. Inside was a locket, with the picture of the family on one side, and the horses on the other. "I'll always miss you." he said simply, patting her back.

Talon came next and gave her a bottle of Lon-Lon Milk, and her purple tunic. Hugging her, he whispered into her ear; "Bailey is tacked up for you. We'll miss you both."

Malon was last, and came up with her own ocarina. "I'll teach you a song. Wherever in Hyrule you play it, we can hear it. After a batlle, or sometimes just 'cus, play it. Let us know you're O.K." She put the reed to her lips, and played a song similar to Epona's Song. "That's the Ranch Melody. We'll always listen for it."

Elizibeth repeated the song, and adressed her family. "This isn't the last time we'll meet. I will always come back>" and with that, she mounted Bailey, waved good-bye to Malon, Ingo and Talon, and galloped away, bouncing with each of the horse's steps, not looking back.

Chapter Seven
Kokiri Forest​

AS Elizibeth rode along, she looked anywhere but the Ranch.

The Castle.

Kakoriko Village.

Death Mountain.

She kept snivelling but kept most of her tears at bay. Once in a while a warm tear would escape down her face. Bailey kept shaking his head as if this was all a bad dream.

But it was Reality.

Elizibeth opened Link's note. "Lizy, it is up ot you ot defeat Ganon. You'll need the Master Sword. The Deku Tree will explain." As the got further from the Ranch, Bailey slowed to a walk, and Navi flew onto the saddle horn. "We're almost there. Ignore the other Kokiri, we're just going to the Deku Tree."

Elizibeth nodded silently. "It'll be quite a shoker. Kokiri who's fifteen and left the forest comin' back. No fairy. Well, except you Navi."

Navi flew up and looked around. "Take a left towards that tree. Unless Bailey can walk across a wooden bridge, he'll have to wait out here."

"He sould be good. Bailey? You ready?" Elizibeth asked. The horse nodded.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What is that?" one Kokiri whispered.

"I don't know, but who's that riding it?" another asked.

"Look! Navi's back!" a third exclaimed.

"So, if I was raised as a Kokiri, this is what I'd be like?" Elizibeth asked Navi.

Navi nodded. "More or less, yeah."

Elizbeth got off Bailey and Navi nodded again. She began to walk towards the Deku Tree's Medow, and Navi stayed behind to talk to the Kokiri. "Hello? Great Deku Tree?" she called out.

"Hello Lizy. I am the Great Deku Tree Sappling. I grew after Link defeated the evil inside the Great Deku Tree!"

"Uh. Hi. How do you know my name?" Elizibeth asked.

"I created you, and all the Kokiri. Did you recive a note from Link?" The Deku Tree Sapling asked.

"Uh, yeah. He said I'd need the Master Sword to defeat Ganon. And that you'd explain."

"And I will. You see, the Master Sword is the only thing that can truly slay evil. It is sealed in the Temple of Time behind the Door of Time in the Pedestal of Time. You have to use the Song of Time to open the Door of Time, but it must be played on the Ocarina of Time."

"Wow. That's a lot of 'of Time''s. I have the Ocarina, Link sent it to me." Elizibeth said.

"Good. Do not worry, in time, you will be taught. But, right now, you need to meet somebody very important.Your fairy, Sheiba."

"Hi Lizy! My name is Sheiba! Great to meet you!" Shiba, an orangey fairy, a little smaller than Navi, said.

Okay NOW i'm going to post the rest tommorow, i'm getting WAY sidetracked.

 

[blue-eyes]

Nice work. I like it and im exited

 

[DekuNut]

Great story so far, Ammy. I can't wait to read the rest... seriously, this is an addicting story... although there are still a few spelling/grammar errors in there.

 

[Ganondork]

Hmmm, I don't have much to say this time around. So I'll simply say this - and don't expect this a lot - really good chapters.