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General Art Tales of the Forgotten Land

Raindrop14

Soldier for Christ!
Joined
Jan 29, 2011
Location
E-Arth
Really good story! Here are the mistakes I found though.

so we took off our boots once when had gotten inside

Here I think you meant to say either 'Once we had gotten inside' or 'When we had gotten inside'.


took off her necklace of silver and stone off

The two 'off's bothered me. I know you either meant to say 'took off her necklace of silver and stone' or 'took her necklace of silver and stone off'.
Uncle Harry leaded us

It would be 'led' and not 'leaded'.

That is all I found though.:) Can't wait until the next chapter.:D
 

Ronin

There you are! You monsters!
Forum Volunteer
Joined
Feb 8, 2011
Location
Alrest
I can tell that Tolkien inspired. His tales are very easily to be drawn into, and this work is no different. Very well-written I intriguing. I hope you are willing to give out more, or let us know if it's published. :)

"Tirion came back to the elves, shattered into three equal parts, where they await their reforging." Three shards...like the :triforce:?
 

Keyari

翼のエルフ
Joined
Jul 13, 2011
Location
Rivendell, Middle Earth
I can tell that Tolkien inspired. His tales are very easily to be drawn into, and this work is no different. Very well-written I intriguing. I hope you are willing to give out more, or let us know if it's published. :)

"Tirion came back to the elves, shattered into three equal parts, where they await their reforging." Three shards...like the :triforce:?

Hey thanks Thareous! And it's a little Tolkien inspired, but nothing really from the major story elements at all. And no, I never even thought of the triforce. I never noticed! (How could I? :lol:) But no, I just choose three cause it seemed reasonable.

And sorry guys, I am continuing on with this, but with school and all, it's going to be some time. So hope for a chapter this weekend! ;)
 

Keyari

翼のエルフ
Joined
Jul 13, 2011
Location
Rivendell, Middle Earth
Wow, been a long time. Sorry for the wait.

Okay, so this chapter is a lot shorter than the others, but I had to make this one short. The next one will be much longer. ;D


Chapter 6
I had nearly overslept the next morning, only to get waken up by Father 3 hours before sunrise.

“We must get you out before the sun shows its face Tekara. Haste is what we need.” He told me.

I yawned and stumbled out of my bed. I pulled on my normal attire and shoved my leather boots on lazily. I strapped my belt around my waist and hooked my daggers to each side. I started packing a small pouch of some of my favorite things- my book, a small brush (who doesn’t want to keep tidy?), a small painted canvas of my mother, and a cloth to clean my weapons. I then jumped down the stairs, more awake now, and met my father and uncle at the dinner table.

“Tekara! Good, now I must go find your friends.” With a smile and a wave, Uncle Harry left to go collect Eli and Aya.

The bow Uncle Harry had given me was on the table, with a quiver set next to it. My friend’s weapons sat upon the wood too. I picked up the bow again, and tested its string once more. I fixed it to fit into the quiver and then I slung it upon my back.

Father was cooking a small breakfast for us to eat. He was just setting the plates on the table when Uncle arrived back with my friends. Aya stumbled in the house dreamily; a thicker, darker purple dress was clumsily put onto her body. She managed a tired smile and then scuffed her boots into the house. Eli was more awake, though it looked as if he hadn’t slept a wink last night. He was wearing his normal clothes too.

“Morning, Tae.” Aya whispered as she sat next to me at the table. Eli stared off into space.

The morning air felt heavy and we all had the sense of dread. We had no idea of what we were really getting ourselves into… or if we would even survive. All we had was a speck of hope. Courage. It was just enough to push us forward.

Breakfast sped by and soon we were packing up the final items in our packs to leave. I draped a dark gray cloak over myself and strapped on the large pack. I double-checked to make sure that I had everything. Aya and Eli were slowly adjusting the straps of their packs.

My hand slid down to my neck, where the pendant lay. I grasped it, and felt power surge through me. A fire lit inside my eyes. The next few moments whizzed past and I barely remember them.

I remember leaving the house, Uncle Harry on his horse following us to the city’s edge. Father said farewell to me, hugging me. Uncle Harry told me he loved me like a daughter. I barely said anything. Everything felt blurry and I could barely breathe. Everything was changing too quickly.

The thing I remembered most about this journey was taking the first step. My first step out of the world I had lived all of my life. My first step of changing what I knew and had done. My first step to save the world as we knew it. And it was the most challenging thing of my life.
 

Keyari

翼のエルフ
Joined
Jul 13, 2011
Location
Rivendell, Middle Earth
Next chapter! A bit longer and the story begins truly.


Chapter 7

It was three days after we had left the village that we found the border of our country. We had stuck to the road, following in the path of trees right next to it, staying close in the shadows. The forest ended even though the dirt path remained and a wooden, broken down sign sat at the edge of the woods.

“Here ends Lynia. Continue forth to enter Syria.” Eli read.

“Guess we’ll be going this way then.” Aya concluded.

And so we stepped out of our country and into the next. The trees ended abruptly, and in front of our eyes was a vast field of tall grass. The grass bent under the wind and swayed with the breeze.

“So… this is the world!” Aya exclaimed. She ran out into the open before my eyes and plucked a blade of the tall grass. My nerves cried at me for being so out in the open, in view of any enemy that dared to cross our paths.

I heard Eli yelp. “This thing just cut me!” he called over.

I walked over to him and he held out his hand. A thin line trailed down his hand with blood seeping down from it.

“I barely caught a piece of grass and it cut me…” he said, a confused expression on his face.

“Aya! Put down the grass! Don’t touch it!” I yelled over to her. She whipped her head over and screamed. Eli and I sped over to her, where she had collapsed to the ground holding her hand in deep pain. Blood was pouring through multiple cuts on her hand and her eyes were filled with tears. She clenched her teeth.

“What’s… Wrong…. With the grass?” she managed to croak. I carefully set down my pack and dug out some bandages. I wrapped her hand without words. Eli pulled out his sword.

“Well there’s no guarantee we can get through this death field without cutting ourselves. Suppose we can cut it?” he asked. I nodded.

“Let’s give it a try.”

He swung hard at the grass, but the grass simply bent over as if the wind had suddenly blown in a thunderstorm. He swung again, faster this time, but received the same result. Frustrated, he swung once more and then slumped to the ground, defeated.

“No use. Something’s controlling this field.” He said, his eyes burning with an angry fire.

I tied a knot of the bandages on Aya’s hand and stood up. Something’s watching us…

“We need to get out of here fast. Hopefully there’s a town or something not too much farther ahead, at least someplace safer than this tomb. Let’s go.” I told them.

Aya wiped the dirty tears off her face and stood up next to me. Eli sheathed his sword and then we immediately made off for the closest way out of the death trap.
* * *

We barely managed to escape the field of death with a few minor cuts and bruises. As we stumbled out of the field we came across an old town, rundown and littered with people. They were extremely surprised to see new faces.

“Welcome… Travelers! What brings you here?” one courageous man asked.

Eli answered first.

“We’re here in need of shelter for a night and a couple supplies. We’re willing to pay for what we need. Our business is our own.” His voice was short and simple, unrecognizable to anyone.

The man nodded and turned back to the rest of his people.

“Shara! We have more guests for your inn! And Tayo! We need you to fetch some supplies from the shop!” he called. Tekara noticed his voice was dark, but still had an edge of compassion for his people.

“Thank you kindly sir. We appreciate it very much.” Tekara told him, a small smile appeared on her face.

The man waved his hand, motioning them to follow him. He introduced himself as Kergo, the town’s Mayor. He apologized for the ringing silence in the town he called Inga; they rarely received visitors due to the fields that separated the two countries.

“Many dark things go in that field. It’s very dangerous. We are all extremely surprised, and thankful, that you three made it through. But I must warn you. Dark magic’s are practiced in those fields, we fear to leave our houses after dark.” He had told them.

They were now stuffing the new supplies of food and a few yards of rope into their packs. Aya was resting her hand on the windowsill, trying to look out of the stained window. I sighed. We still needed more hope in our hearts. We barely knew where we were going and had already encountered bad luck. Eli barged into the room.

“I can’t stand this place, too quiet! I don’t care what Kergo said, something about this place creeps me out.”

“Well, the first sign of danger here in Inga we see we’ll be out of here.”
 

Ganondork

goo
Joined
Nov 12, 2010
Wow, this is getting really fast-paced and interesting. I'm really liking this so far Keyari. Thanks for writing such an amazing story <3
 

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