Zelda Art Legend of Mizu

[~Mizuki~]

Hello There I am stilling having Sign Ups But I just Figure just to post Chapters with the People who signed up but Here's Chapter One
Chapter 1
Mizu's Great Journey

Mizu and the stage of Fire and Earth were talking about the land of Hyrule is now protected by them The Stage of Fire said”Mizu Know since the land of Hyrule is Protected you need to find who you are.”Said Loukal. Mizu said” I will do but how am I going to get through without getting caught by the Evil stages Atsuma Hitsugaya, Pandora Trefore,
and Cole Aremes?” The Stage of Earth Zordo Danascus said” Mizu don't worry about them until you reach Din we wish you good luck Mizu have a wonderful journey by then we will see you soon Good luck. Mizu walk out of the Castle of the Stages well known as The Goddess Stages Castle. Mizu walk to the edge of the Clouds and the thing she did she fell through the Clouds and she landed on the ground Safely. Meanwhile at the Evil Stages Castle Cole the Darkness Stage said” The Stage of Wind Mizu is trying gain her way to Din but the plan will not go on we have to start our plan now
Atsuma Hitsugaya said” I guess....”She thought that Why is she the Stage of Death she's kind but her friends thought different.

Mizu walk thought Hyrule and saw a green cap she ran until she encountered Link The Hero of Time. Mizu tapped his shoulder and said” Hey Link its me Mizu.”. Link turned around and said with excitement” Mizu its been a long time Princess Zelda has been wondering if you can come over for a little bit.” “Sure I can I want to see hows my little sister been doing.” she said. Mizu and Link headed there way to Hyrule Castle Mizu rode on Link's horse Epona to Hyrule Castle and Mizu had a little fun while Link hang on to her because she was going a little to fast . But she and Link had a great ride once they entered Hyrule Castle Town, Mizu and Link had a apple to eat then they went into Hyrule Castle.Princess Zelda and Mizu started to talk ."Mizu this must be a long jouney to go to the Goddess of Din you have to find her Temple in a hot climite but you will met battles that will be on the jouney and Friendship on the Jouney good luck my Sister." Zelda said with wisdom. "Zelda may I go with Mizu to find the Goddess Din?" . Zelda noded her head Mizu and Link headed out to find the Goddess Din. Link got a horse and Mizu got Epona so now they headed to their destitnaion. " Hmm... now the girl has The Legendary Hero Link.Pandora get us a man who can stop her." Pandora got up and got a man named Sotet Magus he said" Yes Oh stage of Darkness Cole" " I want to find this Girl named Mizu the Stage of Wind and stop her from getting to Din." Sotet noded as Cole showed him the ball were Mizu and Link are in moving. Sotet walk out of the Castle and started his jouney to find Mizu and stop her.

 

[*M i d n a*]

I was expecting something bigger, Josie, but this is the kind of story chapters that interest me most for their shortness. I get scared when I see long chapters or long walls of text, youchhhhh!!! And so considering you are ten years old, the story is going pretty well, you made a few typos, but you are young and will just be improving much. The typos and the bad punctuation hardly bothered me, the story interested me most, that is what I look at when reading, not mistakes. And so Mizu and Link have gone to find the Goddess Din, eh? With several baddies keeping an eye on them. I can't wait to see what happens later. Good job, oh, and thanks for adding me right away, despite having joined last, lolz.

 

[TreeHuggerPanda]

The story does certainly seem to be interesting and intriguing so far, but I would like to point out that dialog, changes in time, and new places seem to be all lumped together in 1/2/3 paragraphs. It's a little confusing to follow.

I recommend going over the story for editing errors and awkward wording because I see a lot of random periods and quotation marks that it just adds up to the confusion (I get especially get lost with the quotation marks because I don't know when a person is speaking).

Also, I would try to develop some of the sentences to convey to the reader what's going on very clearly and "show, don't tell" to make it more interesting. Is Atsuma Hitsugaya kind? Show it by writing something about her being kind. Is Mizu courageous? Show it by writing something about her being brave. Remember, actions speak louder than words.

Again, the story seems interesting and intriguing, but little errors like these can confuse readers. But don't worry-most writers' weaknesses tend to be editing. (Even mine) Content is usually their strengths.

 

[~Mizuki~]

The story does certainly seem to be interesting and intriguing so far, but I would like to point out that dialog, changes in time, and new places seem to be all lumped together in 1/2/3 paragraphs. It's a little confusing to follow.

I recommend going over the story for editing errors and awkward wording because I see a lot of random periods and quotation marks that it just adds up to the confusion (I get especially get lost with the quotation marks because I don't know when a person is speaking).

Also, I would try to develop some of the sentences to convey to the reader what's going on very clearly and "show, don't tell" to make it more interesting. Is Atsuma Hitsugaya kind? Show it by writing something about her being kind. Is Mizu courageous? Show it by writing something about her being brave. Remember, actions speak louder than words.

Again, the story seems interesting and intriguing, but little errors like these can confuse readers. But don't worry-most writers' weaknesses tend to be editing. (Even mine) Content is usually their strengths.

Thanks I am writing Chapter 2 this is when Mizu Meets Atsuma

Here's Chapter 2 mandym278 and Atsuma this is when you're show up and Here
Chapter 2
Mizu meets Atsuma and Frista
As Mizu and Link journeyed through Hyrule Field Mizu fell off her horse there was a man standing in front of her.” Who are you?” Mizu said with pain in her arm.” Hehe I shall Mizu I am Sotet Magus I am here to stop you from getting to Din.”said the man “How did you know my name, Sotet?” she said.” Why I know your name its because I was told by Cole the Stage of Darkness but I am not letting you go.” Mizu fingers began to show Strings and She grabbed Link but Link didn't know what was going on but he stick with the battle and the fight was on. Sotet took out of his Purple quarterstaff. The Battle lasted but until Sotet broke the the Strings to Link and Mizu was left there but something happen Mizu began to glow purple and she attack Sotet but Sotet got back up.”You may defeated me but I am still live see you next time .”Mizu looked at herself” Whats going on my hands their glowing purple and fur whats with the fur this is weird Link lets keep going.” she said with confusion.”What about Sotet ?” “ Link don't worry about him.”. Mizu and Link went to the temple of Earth. There they saw a Man named Atsuma. Atsuma and Mizu went to the entrance to The Temple of Earth and met Frista Link, Mizu, Atsuma, and Frista went into the Temple. Mizu and the others split up Mizu went north, Link and Frista went South, Atsuma went West. Mizu walk until she saw the Symbol of Earth Mizu went to the circle and contacted Zordo the Earth Stage.” Mizu you have reach the Earth Temple go fourth to the end of the Temple and get a gem that will help you to get to Din before you go I have to warn you in this temple lies a Best who is guarding the passage to the Gem you and your friends have to slay it and Mizu we are counting on you to slay it so life that was in this Temple to come back.” “ Zordo I will do this for the life in the Temple and for me to find Din I must do this to find who I really am good bye Zordo I will see you back in Skyloft.

 

[*M i d n a*]

so Mizu is about to get a gem, but first she has to defeat a beast. Alright, looks like the fight is on, can't wait for chapter 3.

 

[DekuNut]

This is great so far. Good job! As everyone said before, still look for those small errors, but the story itself is great. Seriously, I have a 10-year-old sister who probabaly couldn't write this good a story.

 

[~Mizuki~]

This is great so far. Good job! As everyone said before, still look for those small errors, but the story itself is great. Seriously, I have a 10-year-old sister who probabaly couldn't write this good a story.

Oh yeah I had to hurry because I had to go and once i have enough time I will fix these chapters

 

[AllieHaxorNova]

Oh both chapters are amazing! Pain loves how I saw mah characters name! Can't wait for chapter 3!

 

[Fraxinus]

Miss Josie, I never realized you started working on this fic already until, like... earlier today...

Oh, but it's pretty good so far. Like a few others have mentioned, the few grammatical errors can disrupt the flow of the story a bit, but it's still fairly easy to be aware of what's going on. I would definitely like to see you add some more details into your story--it really can help us visualize the story in our heads, instead of just taking in the text. If you would like, I can link you to some sites listing and giving examples of various types of figurative language that you could use to accomplish this. I would offer to help revise these before you post these, but sometimes I feel bad getting to be the first to read them. And then it wouldn't be a "Josie Original" because I'd probably accidentally take away from your writing.

As far as the storyline goes, it seems it has potential to be very interesting, especially if you add "cliffhangers" to the end of chapters. In other words, an event may occur near the last few lines of a chapter--not a random event so much, but one that fits--that really makes the audience excited for the next chapter in order to see what happens. You should definitely try to plan out most of your story's plot before you begin writing instead of adding to it as you go along--this is a huge mistake that I always tend to do.

I think you're probably a better writer than me as you have a larger imagination; you just need to help describe that imagination of yours into your story. It's very good, so far, though.

 

[~Mizuki~]

Miss Josie, I never realized you started working on this fic already until, like... earlier today...

Oh, but it's pretty good so far. Like a few others have mentioned, the few grammatical errors can disrupt the flow of the story a bit, but it's still fairly easy to be aware of what's going on. I would definitely like to see you add some more details into your story--it really can help us visualize the story in our heads, instead of just taking in the text. If you would like, I can link you to some sites listing and giving examples of various types of figurative language that you could use to accomplish this. I would offer to help revise these before you post these, but sometimes I feel bad getting to be the first to read them. And then it wouldn't be a "Josie Original" because I'd probably accidentally take away from your writing.

As far as the storyline goes, it seems it has potential to be very interesting, especially if you add "cliffhangers" to the end of chapters. In other words, an event may occur near the last few lines of a chapter--not a random event so much, but one that fits--that really makes the audience excited for the next chapter in order to see what happens. You should definitely try to plan out most of your story's plot before you begin writing instead of adding to it as you go along--this is a huge mistake that I always tend to do.

I think you're probably a better writer than me as you have a larger imagination; you just need to help describe that imagination of yours into your story. It's very good, so far, though.

Thanks mandy but guys I am sorry but I can't post chapter 3 because 1 it was like 3,989 letters and I have to post like 4 times and the battery is old and its finally dead and we need to get a new one and if that had never happen you would like chapter 3

 

[~Mizuki~]

Chapter 3

The Horizon
Mizu walked deeper into the temple but when she looked behind her something or someone had pushed her. All she heard was ”Darkness will rise” from an unknown voice. Mizu got up looked around and thought, ”Darkness will Rise, what could that mean...”.She went on until she found Frista. They both went to find the others, but Mizu still thought about what that voice had said. Mizu kept thinking about that. Mizu looked at herself and she was glowing Purple and she put her hood up so nobody would notice. They finally found Link and Atsuma so they headed on.


Mizu did not tell them what was going on with her so she had kept quiet. They walked further into the dungeon and Mizu found something that was buried under the ground. Mizu realized it was a weapon that had a small piece of the Triforce, but why did it have to mean something? Mizu had no idea what the weapon was but they moved on. Mizu reached the end of the Dungeon but everyone disappeared except Mizu.

Mizu looked around”Guys?””LINK,ATSUMA,FRISTA...”.Mizu looked behind and tried to go out of the door but the door shut and Mizu look and saw Link's sword she pick it up but the she saw a shadow it formed into what had looked like a dragon but this dragon was a form of a green one that has never been noticed by anyone but she was the only one in the room but she know what she was doing. For the beast it was known as Cragon, The Green Dragon.

Mizu walk around the room and followed the pattern of the beast thats when she looked at the item she found out what it was, it was a rod but that was all Mizu could find out. Mizu ran after the Dragon and hit Cragon in the head it did nothing Mizu just figured how to use the rod Mizu pointed at two poles she pointed at the one on the right so the pole will reflect to the other one. But Cragon stop her from letting her get to the first one.

Mizu got to a position that she can get to the poles, she tried and the rod broke out a bright light that was heading to the pole to was glowing the color of green. The strip that Mizu shot out of the Rod it hit the first one and headed to the second one and it made it what happen to Cragon the light what had came from the rod to the poles headed to him. Once Cragon was hit this was Mizu's chance.
Mizu ran as fast as she can to get to Cragon Mizu leap and took the Master Sword and stabbed Cragon in the head, this move was so powerful Mizu killed Cragon. Mizu took the Master Sword out and step back and saw Cragon started to turn into dust once that had happen Mizu went to alter where the beast was Mizu looked at the dust she used her powers to transform it, the dust transform into a Earth color crystal the crystal let Mizu to get to the Gem like Zordo said. Mizu went forward to the other side of the room and open the door.

When Mizu entered the
room she saw Link, Frista, and Atsuma they were completely
fine but Mizu looked puzzled she ask them if they were all right because she was the only one with the cuts and almost covered in Monster Guts. But Mizu moved on before she went to get the gem she gave Link the Master Sword back Link said thanks then Mizu went where there was a light Mizu touch the ground and a Earth color green gem when Mizu touch the gem it turned into armor Mizu looked at herself she was now wearing tunic like Link's but her's was more designed but she on her blue coat back on but she was glowing purple still but she didn't mind.

Once they got out of the temple they walk high into the mountains sun was setting down they had found a spot to camp at. Mizu was looking at sunset the words that came out her mouth was “The Horizon”. Link ask,” What about the Horizon,Mizu?” “Towards other Horizons” Mizu said. At fer the sun set They all went to sleep but not Mizu, she was still up thinking what that guy said” Darkness will Rise” It had sound like a person Mizu known but she could not tell.

 

[Ganondork]

Alright, I didn't even know you had a fan fic :facepalm:

Well, I might as well get to work on critiquing it. Your tenses at points are atrocious. I find myself wondering which tense your trying to do, past or present. You truly need to work on that, because I found myself completely thrown off when reading it. Instead of this:

Mizu walk thought Hyrule and saw a green cap she ran until she encountered Link The Hero of Time.

Try:

Mizu walked through Hyrule and saw a green cap. She ran until she encountered Link, the Hero of Time

But even that is hardly enough. You need to include detail so I know what it is that you're seeing. I find myself thinking Mizu is in one place and then you say she's somewhere else. Another problem that you have is run-on sentences. You just keep a sentence going for a very long time. It makes it look very untidy, and poorly done. You also need to emphasize the use of commas, semi-colons and hyphens. All of these are essentials for writing a story.

The next thing I have to say about this for the time being are your fights. They're short, and not at all thought through well. Like this:

The Battle lasted but until Sotet broke the the Strings to Link and Mizu was left there but something happen Mizu began to glow purple and she attack Sotet but Sotet got back up.

That hardly made any sense, as a sentence, or as a fight. You need to take time to allow a fight to come, otherwise you're just creating a story filled with dialogue.

And finally, your word usage is very childish. You use simple words that don't add interest to the story and I find myself not entertained. A story is meant to be entertaining and fun, but with poor word usage, it simply looks sloppy. All of these things need quite a bit of work. But you're 10, and you'll learn.

 

[*M i d n a*]

I really never have been much of a critic, what I mean to say is that I wont point out every minor detail that is wrong with the story, I haven't done it with other writers older than you and I surely as heck am not going to do it with you. Overall the story is looking good. Here is what I remember reading: So Mizu killed that green dragon and she was able to get the green gem afterwards. She handled that dragon all by herself while Link, Frista and Ats were not involved at all, rather she found them later and alive. And the gem turned out to be a new armor or suit, which Mizu quickly put on. Nice, I like it so far, please continue it.

 

[~Mizuki~]

I really never have been much of a critic, what I mean to say is that I wont point out every minor detail that is wrong with the story, I haven't done it with other writers older than you and I surely as heck am not going to do it with you. Overall the story is looking good. Here is what I remember reading: So Mizu killed that green dragon and she was able to get the green gem afterwards. She handled that dragon all by herself while Link, Frista and Ats were not involved at all, rather she found them later and alive. And the gem turned out to be a new armor or suit, which Mizu quickly put on. Nice, I like it so far, please continue it.

Thanks Atsie but here is Chapter 4 of part one and this chapter has a cuss word so Rated PG for this one


Chapter 4 Part 1
Chase, The Powerful Wizard

Mizu woke up early saw that Frista,Link,Atsuma asleep still Mizu left them for a little while she went up Death Mountain. She walked though a village but when she was heading towards Death Mountain she was attacked “Ugh is you Sotet” the voice said “No, I am not but you should know me Mizu.” Mizu puzzled “How did you know my name” the voice said “Mizu, how don't you remember me?” Mizu realized those words it was the same voice from the temple Mizu looked and said “Chase, you bastard! “. Chase look at Mizu “Mizu, you wouldn't have called me that if have drained all your power or our power” Mizu got up but she disagree “It was never your power! I thought I could trust you, after I left Hyrule because what I had done but I was wrong “ Chase look at Mizu “ Mizu, I only thought if I did this that I will be King of Hyrule and do your job before you killed your parents.” Mizu now was mad and ran after him, but Chase grabbed her, Mizu couldn't move “Chase, you would never become Stage of Wind!” Mizu broke the force that was holding her. Chase looked at her “I guess I can leave you a little gift for your friends.”


Meanwhile back at camp, Atsuma woke up and saw Mizu gone. He look around and saw that Link and Frista was still here but they all woke up by the scream. Link could tell who it was and look around and didn't see Mizu “ Guys that person who scream sounds like.....MIZU!!!”. They all ran towards Death Mountain they saw what looks like Mizu until they finally went to the top of Death mountain, Mizu was screaming because was sucking her life out. But Link stop him from killing her once it stop Chase got up and said “Mizu, this will come to a end” Chase had disappear. Link look at Mizu's and picked her up. Atsuma saw Link but didn't see Mizu, only Link caring someone. Once Link came closer it was Mizu barely alive, but she was only dying at this point

 

[*M i d n a*]

Aw, I hope Mizu doesn't die. She's my favorite character out of the bunch. Well, I have read this part, Josie, I can't wait for the other parts of this chapter to be posted, I really want to find out what happens with Chase and Mizu. You performed admirably for someone as young as you, Josie, I see the effort you put in by writing it. Continue as you are, all is well. I love this story! I really do.