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Funny Quotes from Real Life

Link Floyd

ᵒⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ʳᵘⁿ
Sep 23, 2014
Has someone ever said something off the cuff that was just so hilarious or absurd? Post it here!

Here are a few from people in my life:

My parents on "The Legend of Zelda":

"This game would be so much better if Link actually talked."
-My dad

"This is like a bad acid trip!"
-My mom on "Majora's Mask"

Some random lady on a cell phone in the mall one day:
"And that's why people get shot!!!"

"I'm in control of my stomach. I eat whatever I want even if it makes me sick."

"Gurl you crazy."
-My ex talking to my math teacher when he assigned him 10 problems for homework

"You all eat like cows."
-My friends girlfriend talking to us as we were eating McDonald's


~ It's me, Dio!~
Jul 6, 2011
Absolute unit
I cant post my best ones because of the mature content but I'll post a couple of more suitable ones here.

'did they actually take the voice acting out of this game? The mouths are moving but no sound is coming out.' My friend when I first showed him zelda

'I'll get you your money. No! I cant get it right this minute I'm emptying my ass in the McDonalds toilets' - some guy I heard in the McDonalds toilets

'Thats a nice leather jacket. I don't agree with using animal skins as clothes though so I couldn't wear a real one like that'- a random guy to me. I then pointed to his leather shoes.


Rock and roll will never die
Jun 15, 2012
London, United Kingdom
"What do they call a boy cow?" My sister, aged in her twenties

"I thought plastic came from trees" this girl I went to school with during a science lesson

Then there's the conversation that led to one of my oldest friendships, back when I was 11. Random girl approaches me "Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter?" Me: "Harry Potter" Girl: *nods solemnly* "we can be friends"

"It's Andrew. A as in Alpha, N as in Nandos..."

And my personal favourite ever ever ever ever which was by my nan and is a phrase I have adopted myself: "If you had a zebra you'd name it Spot"
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~ It's me, Dio!~
Jul 6, 2011
Absolute unit
One just came to me. This was actually a couple of days ago.

A small boy of about 5 at the bus stop waiting for the next bus. He started getting excited and said

'daddy I can hear the bus, daddy! I can hear it with my nose!'
Feb 23, 2011
"What color are oranges?" - customer at work.

"What are your guys' free wiffies?" - apparently my older brother's wife didn't know what the sign on the restaurant meant by "Free Wi-Fi." .-.

"Hooo!!! I'm through with turds!" - my brother 'imitating' Taki from Soul Calibur III. The original line went "Hooo!!! I'm through with words!"

"The customer looking for the 'star anus'* please return to the produce department." - co-worker mispronouncing star anise (ANN-nis) over the P.A. at work.

*star anise


Swag Master General
Aug 1, 2012
The End
Apache Helicopter
Last year during lunch, this kid at our table was really annoying me. Like, I was really getting mad at him and wanted to finish eating and leave.

Somehow though... It got to the point where I just wanted to yell something. So, literally, in the middle of the cafeteria, I screamed "I HAVE SIX DADS" and everyone around our table just starred at us. I have no idea why I said that when I was angry but it was pretty funny.


Feb 16, 2015
I once dated a girl who said 'I thought ducks were fish because they live in the water?' at the age of 19. That relationship didn't last long.


If I was a wizard this wouldn't be happening to me
May 20, 2012
Sub-Orbital Trajectory
Out with a group of friends about two years ago and we were talking about game consoles. The girl I had a crush on at the time (who was actually super gay) said that the XBox 360 was better then the XBOne because "it had curves like a lady" and made an hourglass motion with her hands.


The game is on!
"She's the son you never had."
-My mom to my dad, referring to my little sister because she has much more similar interests to my dad than I have. cx

"All children have a penis."
-My game project leader in school while we were developing a children's video game.

Luke's Wife

peaked in 2015
Aug 15, 2011
the abyss
wouldn't you like to know, weather boy
me, with my aggressively straight guy friend:
"would you suck dick for 10k"
"absolutely not"
"that's your tuition paid for"
"don't care"
"would you suck dick for....100k"
"still no"
"you are so hetero i cannot BELIEVE this...1 million"
"WHY DON'T YOU LOVE YOUR FAMILY OR CARE ABOUT YOUR FUTURE like i don't even like dudes and i'd do it for 100$ do you know how many chicken nuggets i could get"
"too many"

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