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Funny Quotes from Real Life

Terminus

If I was a wizard this wouldn't be happening to me
Joined
May 20, 2012
Location
Sub-Orbital Trajectory
Gender
Anarcho-Communist
me, with my aggressively straight guy friend:
"would you suck dick for 10k"
"absolutely not"
"that's your tuition paid for"
"don't care"
"would you suck dick for....100k"
"still no"
"you are so hetero i cannot BELIEVE this...1 million"
"nope"
"WHY DON'T YOU LOVE YOUR FAMILY OR CARE ABOUT YOUR FUTURE like i don't even like dudes and i'd do it for 100$ do you know how many chicken nuggets i could get"
"too many"

jLE100Y.jpg
 

Jamie

Till the roof comes off, till the lights go out...
Joined
Feb 23, 2014
Gender
trans-pan-demi-ethno-christian-math-autis-genderfluid-cheesecake
me, with my aggressively straight guy friend:
"would you suck dick for 10k"
"absolutely not"
"that's your tuition paid for"
"don't care"
"would you suck dick for....100k"
"still no"
"you are so hetero i cannot BELIEVE this...1 million"
"nope"
"WHY DON'T YOU LOVE YOUR FAMILY OR CARE ABOUT YOUR FUTURE like i don't even like dudes and i'd do it for 100$ do you know how many chicken nuggets i could get"
"too many"
anyone who says they wouldn't suck a dick for 1 million dollars is a liar
 
Ok, so let me establish a little context for you. My gerbil human, Almond, is an attention whore. He typically hops in his cage on a nightly basis as a means to tell us that he wants out. But, sometimes he's really selective about who he wants picking him up. So, he'll ignore everyone else. My sister's been away at college and he doesn't get to see her as much. And when she is home, he'll go totally nuts. Well, this weekend, my sister came home with her boyfran (he drove her home because she doesn't have a car on campus this year), and she was just chatting with her boyfran on the couch. My sister described the moment Almond heard her voice as:

"He immediately stood up in his bed... it was like the Tower of the Gods coming out the ocean... then he sat on his house staring me down--and I'm like 'Almond, no.'--and he just LEAPS off his house in my general direction."

I assure you this is his typical behavior. He tracks down who he wants to have hold them. But the Tower of the Gods thing killed me.
 

CynicalSquid

Swag Master General
Joined
Aug 1, 2012
Location
The End
Gender
Apache Helicopter
On our way to Los Angeles my friend Taylor said the dumbest thing.

"Have you ever imagined jumping in front of a windmill and the blade then slices your head off."
 

Squirrel

The Rodent King
Joined
Jun 15, 2011
Location
The Tree
"What kinda pancakes are you smoking?"
-Me

(in response to someone who asked why I wasn't on the in-school holocaust studies field trip but going to my regular classes instead)
"Well it's my birthday and like, honestly, I'm not gonna go watch a depressing movie for 2 hours in ****ty-ass chairs, eat this school's **** lunch with no friends for an hour, go back to the **** chairs and listen to some old guy talk about how his life sucked and how he was abused as a child and then have to go home and figure out what work I supposed to have done - all on my birthday."
-Me

I can't think of any others that me or anybody else said off the top of my head right now..
 

onebizarrekai

gay energy
Joined
Feb 28, 2010
Location
New York
Gender
Agender
"My handwriting isn't messy, it's just too fancy to read very well."

I said this and my friend found it hilarious for some reason.
 

onebizarrekai

gay energy
Joined
Feb 28, 2010
Location
New York
Gender
Agender
"My Pokemon is so darling! I found him in a lake next to the dumpster!"

me making fun of a trainer who said their grimer was darling
 

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