Do You Talk About and Make Fun of People Behind Their Backs?

[Mariley]

I won't lie and say that I've never talked poorly about someone behind their backs. However I'd like to think I'm rather good at keeping my thoughts to myself these days. I was raised with the ''If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all'' philosophy. I do find it to be rather cowardly to talk negatively behind someones back though. If you have an issue with someone, try talking to them first before making all sorts of usually silly assumptions. It's in human nature to complain I suppose, so I can't say that I'm surprised it happens as often as it does.

Not to say that I'm perfect or anything, but I feel this is one area at least that I'm pretty good with.

 

[Johnny Sooshi]

I won't lie and say I don't cause I do. I try not to but it happens.

I think that we have to accept the fact that we're human and thus not perfect. We all make mistakes and the only thing we can do is better ourselves.

I've made it a goal of mine to try and tone down talking behind peoples backs because I've been backstabbed before and I can't ever forgive the person who did it. I haven't talked to him in 5 or 6 years, and even though I'd like to to find out why he said what he said and did what he did, I can't because there's a lot of pain there.

 

[Zorth]

I guess I've become that d-bag that talks smack about people..

There is this guy in my class, who is dying to become a hipster and popular on our school. He thinks he'll achieve this by posting weird facebook updates, liking every photo of a half naked girl, chatting with "cool" people and following me & my friends around and hanging with us because we are apparently cool in his eyes. We get invited to parties by people he considers to be popular, So he keeps following us around. But in the process he abandons his true friends that he spends or spent the most time with, He never went to their parties because they weren't "cool" enough for him. So right now he's alone pretty much because he himself isn't cool enough for my "party" friends if that makes any sense at all?

So he gets laughed at behind his back because of his quest for popularity and his low self esteem, What I mean by this is he panics just by saying "Hello" to any attractive girl on my school, then ofc we have the "hipster" FB updates we all are familiar with, the weird poses on his profile pics etc. At first I felt sorry for him and tried to help him getting better on talking to a girl, Improving his FB reputation and general reputation on our school by telling people to F**k off when they made fun of him. But he never listened to me and didn't bother changing neither did the school stop making fun of him... Then he abandoned his real friends comletely after which I just stopped hanging with him, even stopped telling people to bite me when talking behind his back and I can even throw in a funny little comment about him now and then. :/

But I only do that with him since he kind of is a d-bag for dissing his friends for people that make fun of him. Otherwise no.

 

[Chilfo Freeze]

I used to be big on talking about others, but my freshman year of high school turned that all around. Come my sophomore year, I realized that once the drama was over, it felt so much better. Lots of weight lifted off my shoulders, and nothing to worry about. Plus, I was never the main topic of interest in my school, so rumors never circled when it came to my group of friends and I.

Ever since freshman year, I usually just listen to people talk about others. Of course, I'll chime in a note or two, but I rarely start the conversation about that particular person. It's so much nicer to just stay out of the conversation and let others deal with the drama. I have to say, my life has become much more pleasant due to this fact. ^^

I think that we have to accept the fact that we're human and thus not perfect. We all make mistakes and the only thing we can do is better ourselves.

You stole what I was gonna say! Well, now all I can say to that is: Exactly.

 

[Leela]

Of course I don't, I do it to their face.
I have nothing to hide, It's very dirty and rude making fun of people behind their back.
I know plenty of people that do.

 

[LumiGem]

Only if it's someone is dislike.

 

[CynicalSquid]

only if the call me a ****** the first time i talk to them

 

[linkmoon89]

I don't. I was raised to treat others as I would want to be treated. So I never talked about anyone, upfront or behind their backs. Because I would hope they would show the same respect and not talk about me like that.

 

[Mamono101]

I don't. I was raised to treat others as I would want to be treated.

I think that most people can attest that they were taught this at some point in their lives by parents/guardians or from some external source such as films, books teachers etc. I myself was brought up with this philosophy. However, just because we as humans know what we should do, more often than not, we end up doing the exact opposite in order to not stand out (which I find rather ironic considering almost everyone wants to stand out and be special in one way or another).

I have in the past (and occasionally even now) talk about people in a negative light when they are not around. I don't slander them off though. It's more a rant about the small idiosyncratic things that person does that just annoys me.

Sometimes, I'll meet a person and for no reason whatsoever, I'll take an instant disliking to them even though they have given me no cause to do so. This is when my "two-faced-ness" kicks in. I am always civil to people as a general rule regardless as to whether or not I like them, so to their face I will treat them as I was taught: "Do unto others..." (you know how it goes). However as soon as that person leaves, I can get into a lengthy discussion with friends about what I dislike about them - even if I myself am unaware of my own reasoning.

One moral issue I would like to ask is whether you believe that the same code of conduct should be applied to those who actively bully others as well? During my school years I remember all too well making fun of those who made fun of others and having conversations with friends about what we would do to them if we had half a chance.

So yeah, what is your view on speaking about other people behind their backs if the subject of the conversation is one who harms others for fun?

 

[TheRizardon]

I've done this a couple of times when people really get on my nerves but I don't tell it to someone else I just say it out loud to MYSELF kinda weird. :S

 

[Joy]

Yes, I talk about other people with my friends, but we don't necessarily say mean things. If we don't like someone we b**** a little and that's it. But I've never gotten carried away and called people names, or saying rude things. We're not that mean, but everyone enjoys a bit of gossip, it's only human.
I think everyone does.

 

[Fig]

I say things behind people's back, but in a positive way. I would ask someone in private ask them what they think about a certain person and then if they say something negative about that person, I will argue with them until they accept that he/she is the cool person I know. I don't say mean things behind a person's back because if I want respect and friendship, I first must give respect and friendship.

 

[octorok74]

Sometimes. I do it more than I should. I rarely make fun of people behind their backs. And a fair bit of the time when I talk to people behind their backs, I'm saying nice things about them. But I still talk the bad about them.

 

[Siniru]

No. It is wrong.

Imagine you were at school one day and one of your friends ran up to you, saying that she heard a group of people bad mouthing you behind their backs. What are you going to do?

Not exactly going to be running through happy land.

Not exactly going to shrug it off

Everyone gets even a pinch bothered by it, know it or not.

So you should not secretly talk about people, expessialy if what you are talking about is a sworn secret. Just shove away the urge and you will be surprised to realise that you would be happier then than if you do start talking about people.

 

[athenian200]

Well, of course I talk about people behind their backs sometimes, I don't really see how social situations could work if this were not done at all. I don't usually make fun of them behind their backs, unless others start it. The more I like and trust someone, however, the more likely I am to say and encourage positive things about them behind their back rather than negative things.

In some cases, I may only say certain negative things as a way of being sympathetic rather than because I really feel them, because I know the other person is angry at the situation and needs a sympathetic person to whom they can vent. This may seem oddly hypocritical and illogical, but even though I don't necessarily think it's the best way to be, sometimes it feels like the right thing to do because it can bring about a more positive end in which fewer people are made unhappy or forced to reevaluate their friendships.

I prefer bringing real issues I have with the person to their face, though, if I can reasonably do so. Venting is one thing... making actual conclusions about them is quite another. It's complicated, but I try to keep the things I say about people behind their backs to things that wouldn't count as betrayal. For instance, I wouldn't reveal someone's secret behind their back, or anything like that.