The story is well written and all, but....yes but lol...but there is a problem.
When you introduced Lan and his brother the mood swinged back and forth from third view to first view. You were speaking as if in the present and past, and you also wrote too much stuff that seemed like as if you were telling us the story, Kate, not the author. Do you know what I mean? I'll give you a few examples and if you want to correct them that is entirely up to you.
The Stone was a benefactor though. It gives Lan (That is the problem right there.) You said gives, when in my own opinion it should had been gave. There are also more examples I could use but I am sure you will find them on your own. The trouble started just when you introduced those two characters, the rest is fine. You should stick to writing it in the third person view and not switch over, it tends to throw the reader off.
Anyway, that is my opinion, Kate, you are welcomed to ignore it and move on. The story is coming along great, I enjoyed reading it, especially that part where my character showed up and helped you out. And having you in my arms...lol that was awesome. Will I hold Din too?
You will, don't worry. I'm not giving the deats though. Thanks. I was half asleep when I was finishing it. It was 2:30 AM I think. I honestly don't remember. Anyway, thanks for letting me know. I'll go fix that. It will bug me if it's not fixed. lol.