The Official ZD Jokes Thread

[Dio]

I was on the bus the other day and this beautiful Thai girl was on there. I kept thinking to myself
'Dont get a boner...Don't get a boner...'

She did.

 

[Dio]

I was walking my dogs the other day and this lady came up to me and asked 'Ooh they're lovely aren't they. Are they Jack Russells?'

So I replied 'No. They're mine'

 

[Dio]

It seems Ablock makes you unattractive to women. I turned it on and all the hot young singles in my area all disappeared.

 

[Triforce King]

One day on a bright sunset, near a clock tower. Two friends was eating ice cream together.
Roxas: Axel, I been thinking about something lately.
Axel: Yeah, let's hear it.
Roxas: I rather be a somebody, than a nobody.
Axel: ...
Roxas: ...
Axel and Roxas: Hahaha!

 

[Mipha]

Ya. Better keep it that way. We shouldn't corrupt your mind. Like mine. But I can tell you once you do. They're halariois. And I spelled that wrong but I don't care.

I understand them now and they are still not funny.

 

[Terminus]

The merge. What a joke.

 

[12345]

A Japanese dude walks into Starbucks and lines up next to an African-American guy. The Japanese dude orders "BURAKKU KOHEE" and the guy next to him gives him a glare.

The Japanese dude sits down and yells "苦っ!", which is the Japanese word for "bitter".

The next moment, the African-American guy was beating the Japanese dude into a pulp.

Hint: Go to Google Translate and listen to the pronunciation of 苦っ.

 

[Dio]

There is no better feeling than lying next to the person you love and they don't know you love them. Or that you're in their house again.

 

[Dan]

A rabbit goes to a bar and tells the Barmaid "I like your dress" to which the barmaid replies "I like your ears".

 

[Dio]

 

[Mipha]

What did ZD get when it used my copyrighted music?

Spoiler

Mases and Desist letter!

 

[Dio]

 

[Dio]

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenage son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

Spoiler

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

 

[Dio]

Funny how people complain that 8 glasses of water a day is so hard but 8 pints and 4 shots in a few hours goes down like a fat kid on a seesaw.

 

[Dio]

In life always give 100%
Unless you're donating blood.