The (bad) Advice thread

[Zelda18]

(A) You should say: "I hate your siggy. It's so bad it makes me . It reminds me of grossness, and vomit. Please change it, you'll be doing yourself, and everyone else a favor."

(Q) How do I deal with math? My teacher has me doing the hardest problems, She's already making me do addition! I have this quiz tomorrow, and I haven't memorized the +1's yet. What should I do??

 

[HeroOfTime]

*ahem* "Zelda13, I hate your siggy. It's so bad it makes me . It reminds me of grossness, and vomit. Please change it, you'll be doing yourself, and everyone else a favor."

Oh, and also, you should just sleep through the quiz. You'll probably fail, but at least you won't have to deal with the humiliation from getting each obvious question wrong!

(Q) I have huge fines on my library account, and can't check out any more books. What should I do?

 

[SavageWizzrobe]

(A) Buy lottery tickets and use the exact same strategy. It's proven that you WILL win eventually, no matter how unlikely it seems. Then use your lottery winnings to pay off those fines and then do whatever you want with the rest!

(Q) I just dislocated my shoulder. What should I do next?

 

[HeroOfTime]

(A) Hire a search team to locate it! (Hey, maybe you can use your lottery earnings to fund them!)

(Q) I got locked out of my ZD account because I can't remember my password. How should I try to recover it?

 

[Fiery Klongo]

(A) Make a new profile under the same name backwards. Without revealing your identity ask around to see if anybody knows your profile password. Foolproof.

(Q) What is the average wingspan of an african unladen swallow?

 

[Zelda18]

(A) 2,000,000 Ft? I don't know!

(Q) Why am my teacher says I needing English lessons?

 

[Zelda18]

*ahem* "Zelda13, I hate your siggy. It's so bad it makes me . It reminds me of grossness, and vomit. Please change it, you'll be doing yourself, and everyone else a favor."

Ha, Ha. Joke's on you! I turned my siggy off!

 

[12345]

Answer: Your teacher's English is incorrect in today's society. The modern English accepts following words for example:
-Your = You're
-Grammer = Grammar
-Ain't no = Am not/Is not/Are not

Question: I am hungry, but I cannot eat. Any solution(s) to counteract this dilemma?

 

[Zelda18]

(A) Hmm, an age-old problem... I suggest you get a milkshake, you cannot eat a milkshake. You must drink it. Problem solved!

(Q) My IPhone's autocorrect is broken. Every time I put: "No." It replaces it with "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Is there any way to fix it?

 

[12345]

Question: Hmm... You would first have to outlast the iPhone. You must accomplish this by deliberately mistyping every single thing, and bring it into a battle of attrition to wear the autocorrect down. Then, finish it off with the "Hokuto Shinken: Hyakuretsu-ken" and claim the victory over your fallen foe.

Question: A bomb is ticking (yes, it is a time-bomb) and I am in a room. The door is locked, and I am handcuffed to a pipe by my ankle. There is a rusty saw, a toilet, a screwdriver, and a pocketknife near me, and I can reach them. Help me escape this deadly trap.

30 minutes left...

 

[Scarfed]

Answer: Use the rusty saw to cut off your ankle, flush the time-bomb down the toilet, use the screwdriver to lockpick the lock to the door and use the knife to kill yourself so that you can escape to heaven. It's foolproof!

Question: I'm tired but I am unable to sleep. What do I do?

 

[SavageWizzrobe]

(A) Stay up more! Clearly you don't ever need to sleep again, and you can always be productive.

(Q) The reset button on my N64 no longer works! What should I do?

 

[linkypete]

A: Nuke japan until nintendo gives you a new one

Q: I'm bored. What do I do?

 

[CynicalSquid]

Get in a car and run over pedestrians

I am hungry. What should I eat?

 

[linkypete]

Cyanide. You will never be hungry again.

I need some sleep. What do I do?