AwesomeTingle
Pure Awesomeness
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2010
- Location
- Somewhere over the Rainbow
I wrote this story and I'd like some feedback on it. Tell me what you think please?
______________________________________________________________________
It all started in China. Just like everything else. Every item owned was made in China. China’s population had increased so massively, they ran out of room to house their own people. America’s debt to China had grown to the trillions. China decided that if America would house and clothe their people, they would forget the debt. It would be gone forever. The Chinese had begun in-depth research in science and medicine, hoping to find cures for deadly diseases. Yet these scientists were new to the world of such intense medical research. Tragically they didn’t know what they were doing. While experimenting on a donated human cadaver, the body suddenly came to life. Soon other deceased bodies all over China started to come back to life. It was its own new disease spreading through China. At this same time, the Chinese were relocating to the US and the first wave landed in the waters of the Hudson Bay. We were expecting a few hundred Chinese, but what came out was hideous. It was an invasion, an invasion of… zombies.
During the first year of the invasion, survivors banded together to try and fend off the zombies. We always stayed on the move and never looked back. But we’re not going to run anymore. We’re putting our feet down and reclaiming this place in the name of Humanity. Today, we will start…Our Reclamation.
_____________________________________________________________________
I was sweating bullets. I cocked my nine-millimeter pistol and looked back. They were still following me, their bleeding, decayed bodies stumbling across the wreckage that was once my town. I fired ten times. It didn’t seem to do anything. They just kept coming… there were 5 of them, I think. I kept running, and quickly reloaded my pistol. They were a good 20 feet behind me now. But I couldn’t slow down… I looked back, but as soon as I did, I felt a thump, and I fell down. I had run into something. I looked up. Zombies. They quickly surrounded me, and I couldn’t move. I fired all my rounds, but only managed to kill one. This was the end. One zombie closed in on me. He didn’t have an ear, had a few black teeth, and was coated in blood. Probably not his. Suddenly, there was a BANG, and the zombies head exploded in front of me. Blood spewed everywhere. Three men dressed in dark camo, came out of the darkness. They had flame throwers, and quickly burned all the zombies to ashes. The Zombies screams and wails were bone-chilling. The tall, black soldier stepped forward.
“Need a hand?” he said. He reached out and helped me up. “Name’s Theodore. Call me Ted,” He smiled at me. He had sparkling white teeth, which seemed out of place for some reason. He was a tall muscular man, a body builder. He had short hair, (military cut). All in all, a good looking guy.
I started talking. “I-I was just heading home. That’s the only safe-“
“There ain’t no safe places anymore. Zed are everywhere. You won’t last much longer alone.” Said a medium sized man. He stepped forward and sneered. His face reminded me of a bulldog, except angrier. There was a clap of thunder. The sky was dark and cloudy, not much of a difference from a normal day. It will rain soon.
“We’ve started a refuge. We built a wall around a police station, and the suburb next to it. Totally Zed free. All we’ve gotta do is keep it that way. You look wily. We could use you. You’d get a home in the suburbs, food, friends, and most importantly, protection from Zed,” Ted said. That sounds great! No more running, no more fearing for my life, no more being alone.
“But you’ve gotta be willing to support our camp. This ain’t no free-ride, boy. You’ve gotta do anything ordered. It’s the only way we’ll survive. We ain’t got much food, and what we ain’t got no Teppanyaki,” Said the medium sized man. I later learned his name was Tauskey. They called him “Tusk” for short. The name suited him somehow.
I looked over at the silent man. He was leaning against the building, resting it appeared. He was in the shadows, so I couldn’t see his face very well. But I was able to tell that something had happened to his face. Like a scar or a burn, all across the right side of his face. If they hadn’t just done what they did, I might’ve mistaken him for Zed.
“Umm… sure. Why not? I’ll just be putting myself at larger risk out here, right?” I answered.
“Great! Let’s head out! Our base is just a mile or two that way!” Ted said with enthusiasm. I grabbed my 9mm pistol. I must’ve dropped it when I fell down. I reloaded it, and cocked it. Then we left.
_____________________________________________________________________
On the way back, I couldn’t help but feel like someone, or something was watching. Every building, every window, sent a chill up my spine. Every once in a while I could’ve sworn I’d seen a face, a shadow, some indication that the four of us weren’t alone. Finally, we arrived.
There was a make-shift wall that extended for a block or two around the place, made out of overturned cars, and debris from newsstands and buildings. It was only a few feet high, a little smaller than the average person. Barbed wire covered the top of the wall almost all the way around.
“Who is it?” someone yelled out, probably hiding on the other side of the wall.
“It’s us! Ted, Tusk, and Rod. We got a new recruit!” Ted yelled. This was a pretty simple defense system. No answer, probably Zombies, otherwise, it was people. A smaller man stood up, saw us, and smiled. He opened what used to be a door from a house, and let us in.
“Welcome to Hamilton! Er, what used to be Hamilton,” Ted said. “We've got 12 people here, 13 including you. Our goal is to drive the undead from the rest of the city, and take back what’s ours. Let's hope we live to see that happen.” I nodded in agreement.
“Heh, you better be pretty lucky number 13”, Said the man guarding the gate as we went in.
______________________________________________________________________
“Name’s Steve. Steve Price. Pleasure to meet you, uh-…”
“Rick. Rick Philip. Nice to meet you too”, I answered. Apparently Steve is the guy who organized this whole thing. He seems like the type of guy to take charge. “So what do you do with this Police Station here?”
“We got some great weapons in the vaults here, and the Police Station is well fortified, so if any Zed ever get past our walls, we’ll be able to fall back into this building here. We also use this cop shop here to organize defense against zombies. Right now, only one person is on duty, Phil there. You met him when you came in,” Steve answered. “Well, we’ll show you to your new place, so you can get situated.”
A woman named Kelly took me to my new place. She was nice, and told me some great stories about the camp. “When you’re ready, report back to the station. We’ve got a job for you to do,” She said.
“All righty. See you later?” I said
“Hopefully. Bye!” She waved bye, and then left.
I examined my new place. I had an old black loveseat, a small bed, a bathroom, and a limited kitchen! There were two rooms, the bedroom, and the living room. The kitchen was attached to the living room, it had a microwave, a fridge and a sink. The bathroom had a toilet, and a shower. A shower! Boy, I hope it has warm water. I haven’t taken a warm shower in over a week. I decided to find out now.
I took off my tattered clothes, set my holster with my 9mm on the bed, and stepped in the shower. There was no soap, but there was warm water! I stood there and basked in the heat. In a few minutes, I got out, and put on the new clothes I received. They were dark camos, the standard issue at this refugee camp. They matched the dark environment that was once our town. The harder for the Zombies, the better. I strapped the holster of my 9mm onto my belt. I then decided I was ready for whatever they could throw at me!
______________________________________________________________________
“Ah! Rick! There you are! Tell me, have you ever been to that storage facility down the street?" Steve asked when I walked in the door.
“No, why?”
“You’re going to scout it out for us!”
“What?”
“That’s your first assignment. We need to find out the floor plan of the place. Also, how many zombies are there, and if there are any survivors, like you, there for us to recruit. The storage facility seems like a good place for you to explore. There could be a good amount of food stored there. It would be another place for other us refugees to live, or hide a stash.”
“All right, sounds easy enough.” I said
"Excellent! Just be careful. We’re beginning to think that this is where the zombies gather.”
“Don’t worry about me, Steve, I’ll be fine, as long as I’ve got my Glock here.” I patted the gun at my side. “You don’t happen to have any 9mm cartridges, do you?”
______________________________________________________________________
I arrived at the Storage Facility. I walked slowly around the perimeter. The only sounds were the whistling of the wind and my soft footsteps. Even so, my own footsteps were scaring me. I just kept telling myself that nothing was going to happen and tied to keep my imagination in check. Yeh, good luck with that! The place was colorful; blue walls, with yellow garage like doors, and a silver lock at the bottom. The units stretched on and on, in a never-ending fashion. I broke into a few of the storage units and found all sorts of treasures. I added a 12 gauge shotgun, and an old iPod to my load. I didn’t linger, but kept moving, to keep safe. I was just about to round a corner, when I was startled by a noise. It sounded like the gnashing of teeth, or nails scratching on a chalkboard. The sound was not pleasant. I put my hand on my 9mm at my side. I slowly looked around the corner.
Three or four Zed were having a noisy snack. I took a closer look and discovered they were dining on a dead body, a human corpse. The poor soul had been scratched, bitten, and beaten to death. The body was so destroyed there wasn’t enough left to even make a proper Zed. I started backing up preparing to get the heck out of there when something whacked me behind the knees. I screamed like a girl as I fell flat out on the pavement. I pulled out my 9mm and took a shot at whatever had whacked me. The shot was loud creating a deafening BANG. Shrapnel from the cement post I had shot dead pelted me in the face. Great, now the entire population of Zed knew where I was. I was still flat on my fanny wondering if my legs were broken. From my seat I saw Zombies emerge from out of the storage units, and they all were coming towards me. I was surrounded! Pure adrenaline got me on my feet and I began to try to run. Each step was becoming harder and harder. I fell to my knees and began to crawl. The Zombies were coming faster and faster. I looked up to get my bearings and saw the exit gate of the storage facility just ahead. Could I make it? I was breathing heavy and I was battered and bruised, but the exit was so close! I turned and fired my 9mm at the horde of approaching Zombies, rolled through the gate and kicked it shut on the vile creatures! I was panting so hard and loud I never heard the approach, only felt the pain and the wet sticky blood that trickled down my neck. The nightmare had only begun.
______________________________________________________________________
It all started in China. Just like everything else. Every item owned was made in China. China’s population had increased so massively, they ran out of room to house their own people. America’s debt to China had grown to the trillions. China decided that if America would house and clothe their people, they would forget the debt. It would be gone forever. The Chinese had begun in-depth research in science and medicine, hoping to find cures for deadly diseases. Yet these scientists were new to the world of such intense medical research. Tragically they didn’t know what they were doing. While experimenting on a donated human cadaver, the body suddenly came to life. Soon other deceased bodies all over China started to come back to life. It was its own new disease spreading through China. At this same time, the Chinese were relocating to the US and the first wave landed in the waters of the Hudson Bay. We were expecting a few hundred Chinese, but what came out was hideous. It was an invasion, an invasion of… zombies.
During the first year of the invasion, survivors banded together to try and fend off the zombies. We always stayed on the move and never looked back. But we’re not going to run anymore. We’re putting our feet down and reclaiming this place in the name of Humanity. Today, we will start…Our Reclamation.
_____________________________________________________________________
I was sweating bullets. I cocked my nine-millimeter pistol and looked back. They were still following me, their bleeding, decayed bodies stumbling across the wreckage that was once my town. I fired ten times. It didn’t seem to do anything. They just kept coming… there were 5 of them, I think. I kept running, and quickly reloaded my pistol. They were a good 20 feet behind me now. But I couldn’t slow down… I looked back, but as soon as I did, I felt a thump, and I fell down. I had run into something. I looked up. Zombies. They quickly surrounded me, and I couldn’t move. I fired all my rounds, but only managed to kill one. This was the end. One zombie closed in on me. He didn’t have an ear, had a few black teeth, and was coated in blood. Probably not his. Suddenly, there was a BANG, and the zombies head exploded in front of me. Blood spewed everywhere. Three men dressed in dark camo, came out of the darkness. They had flame throwers, and quickly burned all the zombies to ashes. The Zombies screams and wails were bone-chilling. The tall, black soldier stepped forward.
“Need a hand?” he said. He reached out and helped me up. “Name’s Theodore. Call me Ted,” He smiled at me. He had sparkling white teeth, which seemed out of place for some reason. He was a tall muscular man, a body builder. He had short hair, (military cut). All in all, a good looking guy.
I started talking. “I-I was just heading home. That’s the only safe-“
“There ain’t no safe places anymore. Zed are everywhere. You won’t last much longer alone.” Said a medium sized man. He stepped forward and sneered. His face reminded me of a bulldog, except angrier. There was a clap of thunder. The sky was dark and cloudy, not much of a difference from a normal day. It will rain soon.
“We’ve started a refuge. We built a wall around a police station, and the suburb next to it. Totally Zed free. All we’ve gotta do is keep it that way. You look wily. We could use you. You’d get a home in the suburbs, food, friends, and most importantly, protection from Zed,” Ted said. That sounds great! No more running, no more fearing for my life, no more being alone.
“But you’ve gotta be willing to support our camp. This ain’t no free-ride, boy. You’ve gotta do anything ordered. It’s the only way we’ll survive. We ain’t got much food, and what we ain’t got no Teppanyaki,” Said the medium sized man. I later learned his name was Tauskey. They called him “Tusk” for short. The name suited him somehow.
I looked over at the silent man. He was leaning against the building, resting it appeared. He was in the shadows, so I couldn’t see his face very well. But I was able to tell that something had happened to his face. Like a scar or a burn, all across the right side of his face. If they hadn’t just done what they did, I might’ve mistaken him for Zed.
“Umm… sure. Why not? I’ll just be putting myself at larger risk out here, right?” I answered.
“Great! Let’s head out! Our base is just a mile or two that way!” Ted said with enthusiasm. I grabbed my 9mm pistol. I must’ve dropped it when I fell down. I reloaded it, and cocked it. Then we left.
_____________________________________________________________________
On the way back, I couldn’t help but feel like someone, or something was watching. Every building, every window, sent a chill up my spine. Every once in a while I could’ve sworn I’d seen a face, a shadow, some indication that the four of us weren’t alone. Finally, we arrived.
There was a make-shift wall that extended for a block or two around the place, made out of overturned cars, and debris from newsstands and buildings. It was only a few feet high, a little smaller than the average person. Barbed wire covered the top of the wall almost all the way around.
“Who is it?” someone yelled out, probably hiding on the other side of the wall.
“It’s us! Ted, Tusk, and Rod. We got a new recruit!” Ted yelled. This was a pretty simple defense system. No answer, probably Zombies, otherwise, it was people. A smaller man stood up, saw us, and smiled. He opened what used to be a door from a house, and let us in.
“Welcome to Hamilton! Er, what used to be Hamilton,” Ted said. “We've got 12 people here, 13 including you. Our goal is to drive the undead from the rest of the city, and take back what’s ours. Let's hope we live to see that happen.” I nodded in agreement.
“Heh, you better be pretty lucky number 13”, Said the man guarding the gate as we went in.
______________________________________________________________________
“Name’s Steve. Steve Price. Pleasure to meet you, uh-…”
“Rick. Rick Philip. Nice to meet you too”, I answered. Apparently Steve is the guy who organized this whole thing. He seems like the type of guy to take charge. “So what do you do with this Police Station here?”
“We got some great weapons in the vaults here, and the Police Station is well fortified, so if any Zed ever get past our walls, we’ll be able to fall back into this building here. We also use this cop shop here to organize defense against zombies. Right now, only one person is on duty, Phil there. You met him when you came in,” Steve answered. “Well, we’ll show you to your new place, so you can get situated.”
A woman named Kelly took me to my new place. She was nice, and told me some great stories about the camp. “When you’re ready, report back to the station. We’ve got a job for you to do,” She said.
“All righty. See you later?” I said
“Hopefully. Bye!” She waved bye, and then left.
I examined my new place. I had an old black loveseat, a small bed, a bathroom, and a limited kitchen! There were two rooms, the bedroom, and the living room. The kitchen was attached to the living room, it had a microwave, a fridge and a sink. The bathroom had a toilet, and a shower. A shower! Boy, I hope it has warm water. I haven’t taken a warm shower in over a week. I decided to find out now.
I took off my tattered clothes, set my holster with my 9mm on the bed, and stepped in the shower. There was no soap, but there was warm water! I stood there and basked in the heat. In a few minutes, I got out, and put on the new clothes I received. They were dark camos, the standard issue at this refugee camp. They matched the dark environment that was once our town. The harder for the Zombies, the better. I strapped the holster of my 9mm onto my belt. I then decided I was ready for whatever they could throw at me!
______________________________________________________________________
“Ah! Rick! There you are! Tell me, have you ever been to that storage facility down the street?" Steve asked when I walked in the door.
“No, why?”
“You’re going to scout it out for us!”
“What?”
“That’s your first assignment. We need to find out the floor plan of the place. Also, how many zombies are there, and if there are any survivors, like you, there for us to recruit. The storage facility seems like a good place for you to explore. There could be a good amount of food stored there. It would be another place for other us refugees to live, or hide a stash.”
“All right, sounds easy enough.” I said
"Excellent! Just be careful. We’re beginning to think that this is where the zombies gather.”
“Don’t worry about me, Steve, I’ll be fine, as long as I’ve got my Glock here.” I patted the gun at my side. “You don’t happen to have any 9mm cartridges, do you?”
______________________________________________________________________
I arrived at the Storage Facility. I walked slowly around the perimeter. The only sounds were the whistling of the wind and my soft footsteps. Even so, my own footsteps were scaring me. I just kept telling myself that nothing was going to happen and tied to keep my imagination in check. Yeh, good luck with that! The place was colorful; blue walls, with yellow garage like doors, and a silver lock at the bottom. The units stretched on and on, in a never-ending fashion. I broke into a few of the storage units and found all sorts of treasures. I added a 12 gauge shotgun, and an old iPod to my load. I didn’t linger, but kept moving, to keep safe. I was just about to round a corner, when I was startled by a noise. It sounded like the gnashing of teeth, or nails scratching on a chalkboard. The sound was not pleasant. I put my hand on my 9mm at my side. I slowly looked around the corner.
Three or four Zed were having a noisy snack. I took a closer look and discovered they were dining on a dead body, a human corpse. The poor soul had been scratched, bitten, and beaten to death. The body was so destroyed there wasn’t enough left to even make a proper Zed. I started backing up preparing to get the heck out of there when something whacked me behind the knees. I screamed like a girl as I fell flat out on the pavement. I pulled out my 9mm and took a shot at whatever had whacked me. The shot was loud creating a deafening BANG. Shrapnel from the cement post I had shot dead pelted me in the face. Great, now the entire population of Zed knew where I was. I was still flat on my fanny wondering if my legs were broken. From my seat I saw Zombies emerge from out of the storage units, and they all were coming towards me. I was surrounded! Pure adrenaline got me on my feet and I began to try to run. Each step was becoming harder and harder. I fell to my knees and began to crawl. The Zombies were coming faster and faster. I looked up to get my bearings and saw the exit gate of the storage facility just ahead. Could I make it? I was breathing heavy and I was battered and bruised, but the exit was so close! I turned and fired my 9mm at the horde of approaching Zombies, rolled through the gate and kicked it shut on the vile creatures! I was panting so hard and loud I never heard the approach, only felt the pain and the wet sticky blood that trickled down my neck. The nightmare had only begun.
