Zelda Art My First Fanfic, "The Four Legendaries"

[penguinboy82]

I have been wanting to make a fanfic ever since I had heard of them, but never gotten around to making them. But I think this one might be a little different, as I am going to post in single chapters at a time, and I want you to rate that chapter on a scale of 1-10, and then tell me why! Thanks, and I hope you enjoy the Fanfic!

The four legendaries​

[FONT=Modern No. 20]Chapter 1- James[/FONT]​

[FONT=Modern No. 20]I was floating peacefully on the water, playing guitar just outside of Zora’s Domain with all my other friends, when this giant tidal wave lifted me high into the sky! I was so high, that I could see clouds below me!
[FONT=Modern No. 20]This tidal wave was like no other. It had more power than a lightning bolt, but it was swift as a flowing river. When I looked down, I saw, but only for a second, the whole entire Great Bay getting ripped apart, Zora’s Domain along with it. When the watery torture chamber finally ended, I was tossed into the air like a rag-doll! I flew over Goron’s Mountain, Clock Town, and I think I passed Hyrule, but I don’t know what it looks like, so I’m not too sure.[/FONT]
[FONT=Modern No. 20]That great wave, or as people nowadays call it “[/FONT][FONT=Modern No. 20]Grande onda” threw me so far, I went into an uncharted land. The natives called “Foresti” or “Forest.” It was scary that I got thrown all the way here from Great Bay, but what was even scarier was how all the natives worshiped me! They kept calling me “L[/FONT]ġġ[FONT=Modern No. 20]endarju Wie[/FONT]ħ[FONT=Modern No. 20]ed[/FONT]” and I think that means “Legendary One…”
[/FONT]

 

[Zelda's_Child]

9 out of 10.
Quite simply because it was all bunched together. When you continue, I suggest you space the text out more - I found it hard to read.

You have a great base line for your story, and I can't wait to see how it unfolds!!

 

[penguinboy82]

Thanks, I'll remember that in chapter 2, but did you mean the sentances were too long?

 

[Zelda's_Child]

No, the sentences were fine. It was just one big paragraph, that's all.

 

[penguinboy82]

Alright, so I went back and edited it, and this is what I got.

The four legendaries​

[FONT=Modern No. 20]Chapter 1- James[/FONT]​

[FONT=Modern No. 20]I was floating peacefully on the water, playing guitar just outside of Zora’s Domain with all my other friends, when this giant tidal wave lifted me high into the sky! I was so high, that I could see clouds below me![/FONT]
[FONT=Modern No. 20]This tidal wave was like no other. It had more power than a lightning bolt, but it was swift as a flowing river. When I looked down, I saw, but only for a second, the whole entire Great Bay getting ripped apart, Zora’s Domain along with it. When the watery torture chamber finally ended, I was tossed into the air like a rag-doll! I flew over Goron’s Mountain, Clock Town, and I think I passed Hyrule, but I don’t know what it looks like, so I’m not too sure.[/FONT]
[FONT=Modern No. 20]That great wave, or as people nowadays call it “[/FONT][FONT=Modern No. 20]Grande onda” threw me so far, I went into an uncharted land. The natives called “Foresti” or “Forest.” It was scary that I got thrown all the way here from Great Bay, but what was even scarier was how all the natives worshiped me! They kept calling me “L[/FONT]ġġ[FONT=Modern No. 20]endarju Wie[/FONT]ħ[FONT=Modern No. 20]ed[/FONT]” and I think that means “Legendary One…”

Also, I'm about to post Ch. 2!

 

[Zelda's_Child]

I like that, its much better edited.