AwesomeTingle
Pure Awesomeness
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2010
- Location
- Somewhere over the Rainbow
(may be inappropriate for some, just a warning)
It all started when our over-heralded star, Link, woke up in a secret vineyard. It was the second time it had happened. Feeling barely pleased, Link stroked a carrot, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Just as zero people expected he realized that his beloved Ocarina of Time was missing! Immediately he called his so-called friend, Navi. Link had known Navi for (plus or minus) one million years, the majority of which were enticing ones. Navi was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... stupid. Link called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Navi picked up to a very ecstatic Link. Navi calmly assured him that most venomous koalas sigh before mating, yet albino cats usually scandalously turn red *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Link. Why was Navi trying to distract Link? Because she had snuck out from Link's with the Ocarina of Time only five days prior. It was the flamboyant little Ocarina of Time... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Link got back to the subject at hand: his Ocarina of Time. Navi sighed. Relunctantly, Navi invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Ocarina of Time. Link grabbed his hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Navi realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the Ocarina of Time and she had to do it aptly. She figured that if Link took the wannabe go-fast Civic, she had take at least six minutes before Link would get there. But if he took the Epona? Then Navi would be abundantly screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Navi was interrupted by four insensitive Cuccos that were lured by her Ocarina of Time. Navi yawned; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling displeased, she recklessly reached for her wolverine and aimlessly attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the magical cornfield, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Epona rolling up. It was Link.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had to make an unscheduled stop at Egg Roll King to pick up a 12-pack of ripened avocados, so he knew he was running late. With a inept leap, Link was off of the Epona and went flamboyantly jaunting toward Navi's front door. Meanwhile inside, Navi was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the Ocarina of Time into a box of potatos and then slid the box behind her George Foreman grill. Navi was angered but at least the Ocarina of Time was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Navi indiscriminately purred. With a skillful push, Link opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some pestering genocidal maniac in a noise-polluting import,' he lied. 'Again? It's fine,' Navi assured him. Link took a seat not remotely close to where Navi had hidden the Ocarina of Time. Navi yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Link was distracted. In a tragically predictable turn of events, Navi noticed a insensitive look on Link's face. Link slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Navi felt a stabbing pain in her ear when Link asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the Ocarina of Time right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A funny-smelling look started to form on Link's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ripened avocados from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Link nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Navi could react, Link fearlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Ocarina of Time was plainly in view.
Link stared at Navi for what what must've been three nanoseconds. In a tragically predictable turn of events, Navi groped charismatically in Link's direction, clearly desperate. Link grabbed the Ocarina of Time and bolted for the door. It was locked. Navi let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Link,' she rebuked. Navi always had been a little stupid, so Link knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Navi did something crazy, like... start chucking ripened avocados at her or something. A few unfulfilled decades later, he gripped his Ocarina of Time tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Navi looked on, blankly. 'What the heck? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Link. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eight days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Link. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Navi walked over to the window and looked down. Link was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Link was struggling to make his way through the fanstic pumpkin patch behind Navi's place. Link had severely hurt his fingernail during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Cuccos suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Ocarina of Time. One by one they latched on to Link. Already weakened from his injury, Link yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Cuccos running off with his Ocarina of Time.
About four hours later, Link awoke, his shin throbbing. It was dark and Link did not know where he was. Deep in the enchanting swamp, Link was excessively lost. Unaware of the bleakness of existence, he remembered that his Ocarina of Time was taken by the Cuccos. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a misshapen Cucco emerged from the lemur-infested moor. It was the alpha Cucco. Link opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Cucco sunk its teeth into Link's fingernail. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Link's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than three miles away, Navi was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Ocarina of Time. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a calculated thrust, she buried it deeply into her love handle. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Link... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the Ocarina of Time that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Cuccos, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
LOLz!!1
I made this here: It's great!
http://www.the-elite.net/---/story/
It all started when our over-heralded star, Link, woke up in a secret vineyard. It was the second time it had happened. Feeling barely pleased, Link stroked a carrot, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Just as zero people expected he realized that his beloved Ocarina of Time was missing! Immediately he called his so-called friend, Navi. Link had known Navi for (plus or minus) one million years, the majority of which were enticing ones. Navi was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... stupid. Link called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Navi picked up to a very ecstatic Link. Navi calmly assured him that most venomous koalas sigh before mating, yet albino cats usually scandalously turn red *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Link. Why was Navi trying to distract Link? Because she had snuck out from Link's with the Ocarina of Time only five days prior. It was the flamboyant little Ocarina of Time... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Link got back to the subject at hand: his Ocarina of Time. Navi sighed. Relunctantly, Navi invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Ocarina of Time. Link grabbed his hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Navi realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the Ocarina of Time and she had to do it aptly. She figured that if Link took the wannabe go-fast Civic, she had take at least six minutes before Link would get there. But if he took the Epona? Then Navi would be abundantly screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Navi was interrupted by four insensitive Cuccos that were lured by her Ocarina of Time. Navi yawned; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling displeased, she recklessly reached for her wolverine and aimlessly attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the magical cornfield, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Epona rolling up. It was Link.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had to make an unscheduled stop at Egg Roll King to pick up a 12-pack of ripened avocados, so he knew he was running late. With a inept leap, Link was off of the Epona and went flamboyantly jaunting toward Navi's front door. Meanwhile inside, Navi was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the Ocarina of Time into a box of potatos and then slid the box behind her George Foreman grill. Navi was angered but at least the Ocarina of Time was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Navi indiscriminately purred. With a skillful push, Link opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some pestering genocidal maniac in a noise-polluting import,' he lied. 'Again? It's fine,' Navi assured him. Link took a seat not remotely close to where Navi had hidden the Ocarina of Time. Navi yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Link was distracted. In a tragically predictable turn of events, Navi noticed a insensitive look on Link's face. Link slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Navi felt a stabbing pain in her ear when Link asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the Ocarina of Time right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A funny-smelling look started to form on Link's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ripened avocados from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Link nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Navi could react, Link fearlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Ocarina of Time was plainly in view.
Link stared at Navi for what what must've been three nanoseconds. In a tragically predictable turn of events, Navi groped charismatically in Link's direction, clearly desperate. Link grabbed the Ocarina of Time and bolted for the door. It was locked. Navi let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Link,' she rebuked. Navi always had been a little stupid, so Link knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Navi did something crazy, like... start chucking ripened avocados at her or something. A few unfulfilled decades later, he gripped his Ocarina of Time tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Navi looked on, blankly. 'What the heck? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Link. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eight days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Link. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Navi walked over to the window and looked down. Link was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Link was struggling to make his way through the fanstic pumpkin patch behind Navi's place. Link had severely hurt his fingernail during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Cuccos suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Ocarina of Time. One by one they latched on to Link. Already weakened from his injury, Link yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Cuccos running off with his Ocarina of Time.
About four hours later, Link awoke, his shin throbbing. It was dark and Link did not know where he was. Deep in the enchanting swamp, Link was excessively lost. Unaware of the bleakness of existence, he remembered that his Ocarina of Time was taken by the Cuccos. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a misshapen Cucco emerged from the lemur-infested moor. It was the alpha Cucco. Link opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Cucco sunk its teeth into Link's fingernail. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Link's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than three miles away, Navi was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Ocarina of Time. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a calculated thrust, she buried it deeply into her love handle. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Link... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the Ocarina of Time that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Cuccos, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
LOLz!!1
I made this here: It's great!
http://www.the-elite.net/---/story/