I did not realize you had liked the SB message, and all other attempts I had to approach you kinda felt like you were either pushing me away or mad at me and I got paranoid and started thinking you were ignoring me or upset with me for whatever reasonhow was i avoiding ex? this is the first time ive seen him in ltpw... i liked his post in the sb when i saw he greeted me, along with cthulhu and mark i think? i didnt really think of the discord thing at all; i thought we were okay. i thought he was happy to see me
and like, I AM HAPPY TO SEE YOU
I want you to be here with us, I was just confused about the whole thing because I thought you were mad at me for some reason???
I wasn't pitying you lol I wanted to be there for you because you're a good friend that I'd expect to do the same for the ones you care?? I'm sorry it seemed like that?? It just felt a bit strange because I thought we were open about this sort of things, so I expected you to message me if it wasn't specifically my faulti dont like being pitied, i am highly sensitive to people being nice to me out of pity and i always have been. cannot handle people messaging me that do not normally message me because they think i deserve pity, i dont have many zders on discord but i muted my dms with all of them when i left zd because i didnt *want* to talk about it. i thought my silence was enough; i was afraid me trying to say something would devolve into a conversation about it that i didnt want to have because people ALWAYS push me around into situations i cant deal with because im such a dimwit afraid of hurting their feelings. thats how i got INTO this mess.
Well that'd be another misunderstanding to the list, im sorry too....i didnt comment on the lmfao thing because of staff, but im frustrated it was taken that way cuz it felt like such an obvious way for it to be taken and im sorry.. i just felt like you thought i was some stupid conspiracy junkie and that i was invalid for feeling this way
But yea I don't think you're a conspiracy junkie, you're free to think it's not a good idea for whatever reason, even if we disagree that's not what I meant at all, and I do always respect your opinions
):but yeah im probably signing out for awhile. nothing any of you did but i dont think i was ready to log back in. but im glad i checked the thread again cuz if im being an asshole with my communication, i dont want to leave you with that impression while im gone.
I still don't think running away from here is the ideal, there's a lot of people that care about you here and I think you kinda need an environment like that right now. I know you'll probably take a break anyways and I miss you already, I'm sorry for ****ing things up again.
I miss you already.