What If… In 1993, A Live-Action Zelda Movie Released Instead of Super Mario Bros?

The year was 1993. In an effort to capitalize on the success of Nintendo’s massively popular Super Mario Bros. series, Hollywood brought the portly plumber to the big screen. Envisioned as an action comedy in the vein of Ghostbusters, the movie boasted a stellar cast with such talents as Bob Hoskins, John Leguizamo, and Dennis Hopper. This movie had a lot to prove, considering it was the first Nintendo property to be adapted into a live-action film.

Unfortunately, the results were so underwhelming both critically and financially that it would also be the last time Hollywood adapted one of Nintendo’s games — at least until this past summer’s Detective Pikachu. Now, admittedly, I’ve got a real soft spot for this movie. As much as it fails to capture the spirit of its source material, I appreciate just how downright bizarre it is.

In any case, let’s step into an alternate timeline for a moment: what if, around that same time, Nintendo and the Hollywood studio heads turned their attention not toward Mario and friends, but rather The Legend of Zelda? With directors Rocky Morton and Annabel Jankel still at the helm, would a Zelda movie be as out-there as its Super Mario counterpart? Let’s explore the possibilities!

What Would It Be Like?

Like I said, Super Mario Bros. is one weird movie. Now, some of that stems from the fact that the Super Mario series hadn’t fully established its identity by 1993. Super Mario 64 — the game that truly solidified Mario’s voice, personality, and world as we know it today — was still three years away. So, Mario running an actual plumbing business and having a Brooklyn accent? I’ll give you a pass there, movie.

For the most part, though, the movie just doesn’t get what makes Mario, well, Mario. As Hollywood has been known to do, this movie’s world forsook the bright and colorful locales of its source material in favor of something more “dark and gritty.” Taking its cues from Blade Runner and 1989’s Batman, the movie’s Dystopian setting is about as far removed from a Mario game as one could get. Again, though, that is admittedly part of the movie’s charm for me. There are just so many strange choices put to screen that I find myself somewhat entranced by its zaniness. I mean, come on — President Koopa?

So, what would the Zelda equivalent to that be? After all, Ocarina of Time is, in many ways, the Super Mario 64 of the Zelda series in terms of firmly establishing its world and characters as we know them today. Coupled with the directors’ desire to create something grittier — something evocative of other popular films from around that time — I see only one way forward for this hypothetical Zelda movie: a post-apocalyptic adventure in the vein of Mad Max.

Its resources depleted, the world has become one of chaos. Set on the fictional island country of Hyrule, located just off the coast of New Zealand, the movie follows a rogue scoundrel named Link. When the island’s most notorious biker gang kills Link’s uncle and kidnaps his girlfriend, Zelda, it falls on the young trickster to rescue his love and put this gang out of business.

Setting off on his late uncle’s motorcycle, as well as utilizing an assortment of crudely developed gadgets, Link puts a sizable dent in the raiders’ operations. So much so that he eventually earns the attention of the biker gang’s leader, Maximus Ganon!

Although this movie is set in the early 1990s, it does still boast its fair share of supernatural elements. Even Super Mario Bros. managed that much! One of Hyrule’s signature folktales is that of the Triforce — a relic that grants the wishes of whoever touches it. Maximus Ganon suspects the legend is true and somehow knows that Zelda, being a descendant of the island’s founding leader, knows the Triforce’s location.

By the third act, the movie will have abandoned all notions of being a Mad Max knockoff, instead resembling a more fantastical Indiana Jones. Against her will, Zelda leads Ganon into the underground cavern where the Triforce rests. Link is right on their tail, though, overcoming the cavern’s various traps. Ultimately, he is too late, as Maximus Ganon reaches the Triforce.

Upon touching it, though, the gang leader is transformed into a hideous pig-like monster! At which point Zelda explains that only the “pure of heart” can wield the Triforce’s true power. Don’t look at me, guys — you have to remember when this movie was written.

The monstrous Ganon’s ensuing tantrum causes the cavern to collapse. Link and Zelda escape just in time, while Ganon is crushed by the rubble. Leaderless, Ganon’s biker gang disbands. And though the Triforce is seemingly lost forever, Link and Zelda remain optimistic. The two lock hands, at which point Zelda says, “We’ll build our own future. Together.” You know, completely forgetting that they live in a post-apocalyptic world in which resources are incredibly scarce. The credits roll, with Van Halen’s newly released single, “Dreams“, serving as the film’s ending theme.

Who Would It Star?

Freddie Prinze Jr. – Link

Samantha Mathis – Zelda

Arnold Schwarzenegger – Maximus Ganon. (Hey, he turned down the role of Koopa — maybe this would’ve been a more enticing role?)

Danny DeVito – Link’s Uncle

Sounds Like a Mess, Doesn’t It?

If you were to accuse me of coming up with ideas for this outline as I was writing it, I’d say you weren’t too far off. Even so, this is a movie that would’ve been a blast to watch. Alas, if we were to receive a live-action Zelda movie today, Nintendo would likely oversee much of the production. As a result, the movie would more closely resemble what we’re familiar with. Boring! 

Brandon Schmitz is an original content editor for Zelda Dungeon. A serious anime and film buff, he’s still trying to make it by as a journalist in his hometown. His favorite Zelda game is Twilight Princess.