It’s theory time, people! Is

Zelda U a Skyward Sword prequel? So far, all evidence points to a pre-Skyward Sword era, and this is made evident by the stealthy, giant robot with what I can only assume has a horrid case of explosive face diarrhea. Or, at least, some kind of sickness which causes it to obnoxiously shoot energy from its face.

“Why are you running, human? Just one sip of potion, please!”

Or it could be a laser weapon, built into its body. That is something we may never know the true answer to, sadly.

Eiji Aonuma himself will need to shed some light on this most pressing of issues, lest we all be left in the dark for one painfully long eternity. Snacks, anyone? I nuked us some *redacted for copyright* Pizza Rolls!

Think about it, my fellow Zelda admirers (I already snuck my love letter into her locker, did you?)! Showcased in the reveal is advanced technology, similar to what was seen in Skyward Sword. Yes, seen in Skyward Sword

only when you peak into the past’s bedroom, hoping to catch a glimpse of it changing the clothes of space and time right before your eyes; and you do, and that gets you sooooo pumped!

You’re seeing this robot, that awesome-cool technological arrow, and there’s no Timeshift Stone anywhere! Interesting…

Scary robots out for your blood! Nice robots with advanced artificial intelligence! Laser traps! Bokoblins with freakin’ electrified fly swatters or something like that, maaan! It’s all freaky-deaky future stuff,

in the paaaaaaaaast!

“Please leave your soul at the front desk, sir!”

And you’ve got to wonder: what is up with Link’s tunic (is it Link? The world may never—I think it’s Link)? Why is it so… blue? What’s up with the hood and cloak? And again, why the blue? It’s entirely possible that

Zelda U is in fact a Sonic the Hedgehog crossover, so I will definitely not rule that out as a possibility (after all, we know hardly a thing about the game so far), but let’s be a smidge more on the realistic side, shall we?

The hero’s clothes simply did not exist as an article of clothing in this game’s time period. I mean, after all, the famous tunic turned out to be nothing more than an outfit worn by Skyloftian knights that would—after earning its place in history alongside Link—go on to get our hero labeled as offensive terms such as grasshopper. Little bug. Whatever she said. My mind is running blank, so you should, like, totally give me a break here.

“But sis says grasshopper is a term of endearment!”

Think about it with this hypothetical clothing choice; if Link handed Demise his booty-butt on a platinum platter (silver is for those with poor taste, unlike myself) wearing nothing but a red, white and blue g-string thong, that would no doubt be the clothing item passed down to every last one of his descendants. It would be known as the Hero’s Thong. Also, just putting it out there, trademark totally pending.

Children would be running around the Kokiri Forest donning nothing but thongs based on the design of Skyward Sword Link’s hypothetical choice of clothing, Toon Link would be given a thong by his grandmother as a birthday present, Twilight Princess Link would be forced into a thong by some creepy forest spirit, and—you know what? I think I’ve made my point!

“What is this attire!? You have brought great shame to this battle!”

Basically, what I’m getting at here is quite simple: the Hero’s Clothes are nothing more than an average Joe outfit turned into some undeniably sexy symbol of rad at a specific point in time, so of course you will not see them at any point before their introduction. And really, how often do we see Link in his starting outfit fully decked out with weapons and items? Not very—okay, never. Unless you count

Wind Waker‘s super-duper, super-secret mode that nobody knows about, which allows you to wear the starting outfit through the whole game. But that’s a secret, man, it doesn’t count.

So now what? Take the pieces, put them together, and the quality of your life will improve loads. No promises, but still do it.

Functioning technology like that in

Skyward Sword with no Timeshift Stone, just roaming around like it’s no big deal at all? The absence of the famous tunic which originated in Skyward Sword? Clearly, the game is a sequel to Majora’s Mask! I mean, eh… prequel to Skyward Sword! What if it’s the story of Demise’s imprisonment? What if you, the maybe/maybe not Link (say that five times fast. did you do it? easy, isn’t it? thought it’d be hard, though? that ain’t no tongue twister!), must help the Goddesses seal that naughty little fellow up? Who knows, people! Personally, I feel it would make for an excellent game, but… yeah.

Let’s just see how things pan out, yo. I could be completely wrong, and chances are? I am, just that. Completely wrong. But what do all of you think? Thoughts on the theory? Do you wish for me to evacuate Zelda Informer immediately because I’m just that unlikable? Let me know in the comments!

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