A few months back, we took a look at the Zelda series’ most noteworthy thieves and swindlers. But in examining the best and worst characters to pursue careers in stealing, we realized that thievery was not exclusive to those living on land. In fact, for all the noteworthy thieves we looked at last time, there are just as many sailing and stealing on the high seas. Our previous list was just not big enough for such marine-based marauders, so we come to you with a new list. Pirates are the thieves of the sea, and the Zelda series houses many that are as illustrious and notorious as those found on land. So, join us as we highlight the best, worst, and most noteworthy pirates of the Zelda series.
Tetra’s Pirate Crew (The Wind Waker & Phantom Hourglass)
We begin with a group of pirates that turned out to be some of Link’s greatest allies. Early in The Wind Waker, our young hero is called to leave his humble life behind when a mysterious band of pirates unexpectedly arrive at Outset Island. After a flurry of cannon fire and the foreboding visual of a fearsome pirate vessel upon the horizon, we’re left unsure of whether or not these outsiders are a force of malcontent. Of course, from the perspective of Link — a naive boy living with his grandma on a friendly, remote island — anything out of the ordinary would be cause for concern. I’m sure if he saw a travelling Goron sail too close to Outset, he’d still be scared for his life.
It would turn out however that, after an encounter with the pirate’s sassy leader Tetra and the kidnap of his sister, Link finds himself forced to ally with this shifty gang of miscreants. It is at this point that we’re given the chance to see the inner workings of their pirate order, and we can thus determine their effectiveness. They surely demonstrate their prowess as seafarers upon Link’s maiden voyage. Gonzo seems “quite strong” at the helm, Zuko proves a capable lookout with his “sharp eyes,” and Niko can… swing from ropes. That’s a useful sailing skill, right?
Tetra’s crew can manage a ship for sure. But can they accomplish the tasks of a true pirate?
Well, while each member has a useful skill to offer, some are troubled by an equally disadvantageous quirk. Zuko may be an impeccable sentry — able to “read signs a mile off” — but admittedly, no one “understands what he says, so they rarely know what he’s seem.” Gonzo may be physically imposing, but “he cries at the drop of a hat.” Mako may be “the brains of the ship and the king of invention,” but he is also prone to forgetting the ship’s password.
Inadequate communication, emotional instability, and forgetfulness don’t necessarily make for a competent pirate crew. And it’s not as if the sleep-prone Link adds any credibility the crew when he starts travelling with them either. Nudge and Senza seem to be the only qualified crew members on the ship, with notable skills in “decision making” and “persuasion,” respectively. But as much as they lift the crew’s rating, 33% effectiveness still makes for failing grade.
Luckily, the crew’s shortcomings are made up for by the efficacy of their youthful captain. Inheriting leadership from her mother, Tetra readily demands the loyalty and respect deserved of any pirate queen. “Savvy to the seas,” “pretty, brash, and brave,” Tetra ensures that her crew gets a job done, and done well. We see her lead a few successful infiltrations of Forsaken Fortress, we see her orchestrate a fruitful raid of Bomb-Master Cannon’s shop, and we can conclude that she’s maintained a profitable existence for her ship and crew over the years. And at every turn, Tetra doesn’t fail to dispense the sass and intimidation of only the most grizzled pirate masters. “So I bet you’re thinking it was foolhardy to ask pirates to pay such an outrageous price, huh? Yup. I bet you were,” she’ll sarcastically say as you lay tied up on the floor while your valuables are carried out the door.
Tetra’s crew, as a group of able-bodied men on a large vessel, definitely has the look of feared pirate unit, but there are some definite shortcomings holding them back. The individual members can function well enough as a nautical team, but their misgivings and ineptitudes may never make them truly great pirates, especially if they were on their own. If not for brilliant leadership of Tetra, this sorry crew would no doubt be at the bottom of the ocean right now. Just look at how useless they are without Tetra in Phantom Hourglass.
Pirate Rating: 3 out of 5.
The Piratians (Oracle of Ages & Oracle of Seasons)
The pirate’s life can’t always be easy. Despite all the treasure and rum, any seasoned buccaneer will see some trouble in the waves eventually. The following band of seafaring hooligans perfectly exemplifies the range of misfortunes a pirate crew may experience at sea.
The Piratians are a race of skeleton pirates — Get it? Piratians? — that sail off the shores of Labrynna and Holodrum, collecting all sorts of shiny things. But as dedicated as they are to the pursuit of booty, their ambition has led them into harm’s way on more than one occasion. But rather than overcome adversity with ingenuity or the fighter’s spirit, these hopeless sad sacks need a young hero to save them.
Depending on which Oracle game one plays first, Link will find the Piratians in one of two compromising situations. In Ages, these skeletal knaves have ventured into the treacherous Sea of Storms, unable to sail out without the help of — you guessed it — an adolescent boy. The Piratian Captain explains his crew’s plight: “Sailin’ the seas is every man’s dream! It was great to so gallantly sail off to me dreams… But we got stuck in this Sea o’ Storms and can’t get out!” As you can see, maritime prosperity may seem like a noble ambition, but unfortunately it’s not something that always bode well.
Only with the Zora’s Scale can Link “calm [the] Sea o’ Storms” and assure the continued misadventures of the Piratians. The
Captain ecstatically offers his thanks, saying, “Thank’ee! Now we can escape these seas!” He then offers Link “a sign o’ [his] thanks,” a “jewel called the Tokay Eyeball!” I mean, it is the least the Captain could do to make up for Link’s sheer bravery and selflessness, rescuing the crew from its own blundered expedition. And so the Piratians escape the Sea of Storms relatively unscathed, despite parting with the only treasure that would have made the whole ordeal worth it.
But perhaps the Piratians will have better luck on their next journey. “We’re off to ‘Olodrum, the land o’ seasons,” the Captain exclaims. I’m sure that will work out great for them.
We meet the boney sailors again in Oracle of Seasons, curiously in the subterranean lava world Subrosia. Link will hear rumors of “some weird guys called Piratians [having] settled down south,” making it pretty clear that the bumbling crew are up poop creek again. Finding the pirates held up in a Subrosian home, we hear of their newest debacle. “Our ship got caught in a storm and sank,” Link is told. “When we woke, ‘ere we were.” These idiots are 0 for 2 with storms, aren’t they?
Of course, the Piratians are now completely marooned in Subrosia, with their ship “in terrible shape.” It’s again up to our fearless hero Link to save the day, unearthing the shipwrecked vessel and helping to move it back into the ocean. You’d think that the pirates could get it together from there, right? Nope. Mere moments after they lower the sails, the Piratians reach for their stomachs in pain, admitting that they’ve “been on land so long” that they all “got seasick!” The Captain tries to chastise his men, saying, “You call yourselves pirates? Shameful fools! Getting sick the moment you set sail? It’s…” He stops abruptly to reach for his own stomach. “Oooh… Uhnn… It’s no use! Put ‘er ashore!” he shouts.
That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. These fearsome pirates suffer from seasickness due to being grounded for so long. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say these guys were just a bunch of landlubbers.
The Piratians may have chosen the romanticized life of a seafaring pirate, but that life has so earnestly rejected them over the course of their adventures. They spend more time lost or shipwrecked than they do pillaging and plundering. And surely they have very little treasure to show for their efforts. The Piratians, despite their name, are awful, awful pirates.
Pirate Rating: 1 out of 5.
Gerudo Pirates (Majora’s Mask)
With their Ocarina of Time counterparts stealing the spotlight in our Zelda thieves article, the Gerudo have returned as a nation of pirates in Majora’s Mask. From their heavily fortified stronghold, the Gerudo pirates lay siege to Termina’s Great Bay, pillaging unsuspecting victims off the coast and attacking any poor soul that happens to venture too close to their base. With tales of fear mongering and evil deeds, this pirate nation has quite a reputation among the coast’s locals.
Link first catches wind of these lady corsairs when meeting the Great Bay’s Fisherman. The humble angler tells of how he lost his “legendary treasure,” the Hooskshot, when he was “attacked by these pirates.” Our hero then hears of even more severe evils perpetuated the Gerudo wrongdoers upon meeting the Zoras of the Great Bay. The ill-fated musician Mako sings of the plight of his band’s singer Lulu: “Gerudo Pirates! They stole that girl’s eggs,” he wails. A heinous crime indeed, the pirates’ theft leaves Lulu speechless and the Zoras in continual fear. As we see, the Gerudo pirates are not a force to be reckoned with.
But, of course, our hero Link is given the unpleasant responsibility of infiltrating the Gerudo Fortress and restoring peace to the Zora. According to a particularly lonely Zora outside the stronghold, “the ominous Pirates’ Fortress” is “usually closed off by an iron gate,” so getting in isn’t all that easy. “And even if you did get in, it’s not like the pirates would welcome you.” Thus, Link is forced to swim through a hidden aqueduct, brave a heavily patrolled wharf, avoid traps and mines, and fight his way through the pirate forces. As treacherous as the Gerudo fortress was in Ocarina of Time, the Pirates’ Fortress is arguably more dangerous and even better guarded.
Every bit of that stronghold is more heavily patrolled and more fortified than the last; and for good reason. Within the fortress, you’ll find treasure chests galore, beautiful couches and rugs, and every other type of excess that one would expect from a pirate nation. And these pirates always have an appetite for more treasure and better scores. We learn by eavesdropping that the pirate leaders have plans to get their “hands on the treasure that lies sleeping in the temple in that dragon cloud,” better known as the Great Bay Temple. Then they could surely “spend the rest of [their] lives living the good life!”
Of course, as we all know, the Great Bay Coast can only be entered by riding on the back of giant, magic turtle. Didn’t think of that, did you, ya’ stupid pirates? Because of their lack of insight on shelled reptiles of the spiritual variety, a band of these pirates is swept away in a massive wind when they attempt to sail into the temple. A dumb maneuver, for sure, but at least they still have plenty of treasure left in their storerooms at home.
The Gerudo Pirates are as fearsome and dangerous as they beautiful and successful. Their forces demand respect from all that inhabit the Great Bay, and their fortress threatens all that draw near. Only some serious sneaking around, a hornets nest, and their own hubris can bring these lady pirates down, and for that, they join their OoT counterparts on the top of our rankings.
Pirate Rating: 5 out of 5.
Pirate Miniblins (Phantom Hourglass & Spirit Tracks)
There are many dangers inhabiting the Waters of the Ocean King, but few are as formidable or aggressively annoying as the legion of Pirate Miniblins. These pestering imps lead an armada of ships that patrol the seas, scouting for any would-be victim of which to plunder. Equipped with sizable cannons, intimidating sails, and unmatched speed, these pirates can effectively pursue just about any ship at sail. Even Link and Linebeck need to take heed.
If Link isn’t fast enough to fend off an attack from these dastardly villains, Linebeck’s vessel will be engaged in an intense ambush, with Miniblin forces attempting to lay siege. Linebeck — cowering from within a crate — will instruct our hero to fight off the attackers. “We’ve been boarded!” he’ll shout. “Send these dogs to the deep! Do it!” As if ordered by Shia Labeouf himself, Link must retaliate violently against these trident-wielding rascals, laying waste to their forces without remorse. “Did they actually think they had a hope against us?” Linebeck will ask. “Ridiculous.”
The Pirate Miniblins make their return in Spirit Tracks. It seems that their pirating nation has survived several hundred years and has maintained its grip upon the sea. When Link and Zelda agree to escort Lokomo Carben to the Ocean Sanctuary, they find themselves the victims of a trademark Miniblin ambush. Much like we saw in PH, these “dastardly, kidnapping pirates” quickly board Link’s train and attempt to stir up trouble. “Oh, no! Pirates! We have to protect our passenger!” Zelda shouts, as the bedeviling imps start smashing windows and scuffing up the carpet.
Link makes quick work of the smaller Miniblins forces (Mini-Miniblins?), but soon comes face to face with the hulking Big Blin. Decked out in gold pants and jewelry, the pirate captain swings his massive club around as he encroaches upon Carben. Link eventually wins the day with enough strikes, but the Pirate Miniblins definitely prove that, with their swarm tactics and considerable strength, they can be a dominating force if given the upper-hand.
Link may again encounter the Pirate Miniblins at their hideout near Papuchia Village. Stumbling into an unassuming cave, our hero will be surprised to hear a call for help; some poor soul was thrown into the brig by the Miniblin raiders. Link will need to suppress the pirates with arrows lest he get captured himself, hopefully gaining the opportunity to spring the prisoner from his cell. After a mine cart escape sequence and another confrontation with the Big Blin, our hero’s rescue can be called a success. But we know that the persistent pirate foes will never give up their plague on the seas.
The Pirate Miniblins may not be the most powerful or imposing troublemakers on the ocean waves, but their strength in numbers and never-say-die attitude prove their devotion to the pirate’s life. They know how to siege a ship, execute a kidnapping, and secure their share of gold. These imps are an adequate group of pirates.
Pirate Rating: 4 out of 5.
Scervo and His Pirate Gang (Skyward Sword)
Our list continues with a pirate whose career has literally spanned thousands of years. At a point in history long ago, when the Lanayru Province was still an expansive ocean, when Ancient Robots thrived, Skyward Sword‘s Scervo led a dreaded gang of pirates that threatened the innocent sailors of Lanayru’s great sea. Scervo’s marauding grew notorious among the denizens of Lanayru. His crimes so severe and his presence so terrifying that his reputation as a “mechanical maniac” endured longer than the waves of that great ocean.
When our hero Link first explores Lanayru Desert many, many years later, it seems as if only faint whispers of Scervo and his gang have survived. The noble seafarer Skipper recounts to Link the tragic tale of his lost ship, Scervo’s biggest score. In the midst of a storm, brutish pirates “suddenly attacked” Skipper’s vessel; the “crew was imprisoned,” Skipper “was thrown into the sea,” and the ship — along with the prized Flame of Nayru — was taken into the greedy hands of the pirates. This served as just one major crime in the lengthy career of Scervo.
But surely the dastardly scallywag could not have stayed active after so many years. Well, it turns out that upon investigating the mysteries of Lanayru’s Sand Sea, as Link gains glimpses of Scervo’s past misdeeds, it becomes incredibly clear that this pirate captain never actually lost his reign on the sea. And this fact becomes ever more evident when our hero and Skipper make their way to the Pirate Stronghold, a “pretty scary” place. “I never wanted to lay eyes on [Scervo] again,” Skipper admits. “But… If we want to take the ship back, then we have no choice, phoo-weep!”
The stronghold — “easily as scary as [Skipper] thought it would be, vrrm…” — is equal parts impenetrable and intimidating. Forget a flag with skull and crossbones; Scervo’s lair was built to resemble the jaws of a fearsome sea beast, with horned skull spires scattered across the port. This clever pirate knew how to ward unwanted visitors away. And even if someone was stupid enough to venture inside, the stronghold — as revealed by a Timeshift Stone — was effectively protected by several traps, puzzles, and sentries. How else was Scervo expected to protect the hundreds of rupees held within?
So, all this evidence left behind clearly shows that Scervo was once a fearsome, resourceful, and successful pirate. But what’s the old bucket of bolts up to now?
Well, it would seem that despite the drying of the sea and the rusting a metal, Scervo remained operational and resolute aboard the Sand Ship. Even Fi “can’t help but admire the tenacity [Scervo] has displayed in staying alive and functional all these years.” For years Scervo stood waiting, left with the ennui and existential uncertainty that would surely come while alone in a barren desert for millennia. He sailed on in search of treasure and bounty, growing perhaps more erratic and dangerous. It is only after a confrontation with Link that an end finally comes to Scervo’s enduring reign.
Scervo’s is definitely the Zelda series’ most experienced and longest serving pirate. He built a feared and successful pirate empire in the
days of old, he literally pillaged the sea until it was dry, and he stood strong only until time shenanigans were used against him. His staying power and reputation are matched by his efficacy and triumphs. Scervo is a master pirate.
Pirate Rating: 5 out of 5.
Stalfos Pirates (Freshly-Picked Tingle’s Rosy Rupeeland)
Here’s a weird one. The Stalfos Pirates are a faction of seafaring hooligans from the oft-forgot Freshly-Picked Tingle’s Rosy Rupeeland. Everyone’s favorite man-fairy Tingle goes on the adventure of a lifetime in search of rupees. And somewhere along the journey, he finds himself walking the sands of Cape Treasure, a tropical locale well-known for its buried riches. As evidenced by the skulls and crossbones scattered around, this place seems like the perfect environment for a group of treasure-hungry pirates.
After a bit of exploration, Tingle aids an accosted journalist (much like me on most days) who had a run-in with some mysterious misanthrope. He recounts the tale saying, “Without warning, I was attacked by a hideous skeleton creature. I thought I was done for…” Luckily, something dissuaded the attacker from murdering this poor man. And, perhaps unluckily, Tingle was around to offer assistance. I know the last thing I’d want to see when I came to my senses after an attack would be Tingle’s smiling face.
Anyway, in order to investigate the situation, our pointy-headed hero ventures toward the docks to see if the journalist’s attacker made his escape toward the sea. But when approaching the shore, Tingle is surprised to find an imposing pirate vessel on the dock to meet him, complete with skull-printed sails and a skeleton figurehead mounted on the prow. The skeleton crew of this skeleton ship waste no time asserting a brutish confidence, dismissing the need to stand guard by saying, “No-one would be stupid enough to try to get on a pirate ship!” Well, my skin-less friends, I’d argue that Tingle is stupid enough to try such a thing.
Tingle goes ahead and tries such a thing, approaching the gangplank without a second thought. And after some unexpected events and a bit of luck, Tingle finds himself along for a ride on this pirate vessel. Rather than stab him immediately like real pirate would, the Stalfos’ First Mate offers the fairy man a proposition “to lose some weight and join” their ranks. Tingle accepts and is officially named a “Trainee Pirate.” Some of the crewmen have their reservations about the new recruit, so they off an appropriately pirate threat, saying, “rile us up and you’ll walk the plank and meet the sharks!” And so Tingle sails on with a crew of a true Dead Man’s Chest.
As a buccaneer-in-training, Tingle learns of the Stalfos bilge rats’ strengths and armaments. He is told that his new crewmembers “aren’t afraid of anything” because their “cannons will defeat anyone,” and their careers have spanned “over 100 years old” as they’re “all dead! Yar-har!” Those all sound like justifiable things to brag about. However, Tingle also uncovers a few deficiencies among the sailors. For example, the helmsman shouts to the trainee, “Oi! Leave me alone! Don’t distract me while I’m steering the ship!” The order sounds reasonable, until he utters this admission: “To tell the truth, I just got my license! I’m a bit nervous.” A true pirate would be far too cocky to admit that!
The mistakes just keep piling up when our man-fairy protagonist enters the Pirates Hideaway, a dungeon fortress that houses the group of salty thieves and their piles of treasure. As with any good stronghold, the Hideaway is meant to be fortified against intruders, but the dummies that run the place are a bit too over-zealous with their security measures. Tingle watches as the First Mate chastises as pirate grunt for building a wall in the middle of a passageway, calling him an “idiotic pirate” and a “blockhead.” The grunt tries to defend himself saying, “I was told to go round reinforcing the most important walls… I thought this might be important…”
But the First Mate is having none of that, responding with, “You half-wit! I didn’t tell you to build a wall here! You’d better not have built any other walls in stupid places…” Well, sadly that half-wit did build other wall in stupid places; Tingle repeatedly has to blast down walls just to navigate the Hideaway like normal person. Such a careless blunder is pretty much reflective of all low-level members of Stalfos pirate crew. Numerous crewmen have fallen ill, many are too lazy to carry out their duties, and the cook admits “to problems with cockroaches in the kitchen.” These boney fellows are not running a tight ship at all.
But the biggest strike against these bumbling buccaneers relates to their crippling fear of a particular foe. Tingle is told that the Stalfos “built this Hideaway from ancient underground ruins,” after they had effectively dealt with all the monsters that once lived there. “We pirates are afraid of nothing in the world!” he’s informed. But the constant affirmations that the crew fears absolutely nothing starts to hint at the fact that they’re hiding something. In fact, when Tingle first approached the ship, a crewman shouts. “Don’t mess with pirates! We’re afraid of the nothing! Well, almost nothing.” Why would he end that statement in such a way?
Well, before we’re even given the chance to contemplate that vague conditional statement, the “almost nothing” makes an appearance. An adorable puppy named Barkle shows up several times throughout the Hideaway, having followed Tingle there from Cape Treasure. This little guy may seem cute to you and me, but apparently he scares the nonexistent flesh from every Stalfos pirates’ bones. This immortal fear is most evident when the entire Hideaway goes on lockdown due to the doggy intruder. Every other crew member is desperately hopeless in the presence of Barkle, so it’s up to the trainee Tingle to save the day.
The Stalfos Pirates may have sustained their order in Cape Treasure for a long time, but an inept crew and a severe aversion to cuddly puppies does very little to raise their status. It’s no surprise that Tingle is eventually able to bring the whole group down single-handedly. Even the Pirate Captain, a creature so imposing that no green-clad fairy men should be able to topple him, is proved useless. Oh well.
Pirate Rating: 2 out of 5.
Jolene (Phantom Hourglass)
We end our list with two pirates that once formed a formidable partnership. The first is Jolene, an aggressive piratess that systematically attacks Link and Linebeck throughout Phantom Hourglass. “Crazier than a rabid squid,” as Linebeck puts it, Jolene always seems to have a chip on her shoulder, sinking ships and causing a ruckus.
She especially has some vendetta against Linebeck, which I guess makes sense given the treasure hunter’s disposition. But perhaps something even more serious happened between these two seafarers. Regardless, any time Jolene spots Linebeck’s steamer over the horizon, she’ll run the ship down with considerable speed and fire on it with devastating torpedoes. And if she successfully stalls Linbeck’s vessel for an ambush, she proves her prowess with a blade as well, having “perfected the art of pirate fencing.”
The attacks continue until late in the game, when Jolene mounts her final assault. I’d say her speech before this fateful confrontation does a lot to prove her worth as a pirate:
“Humiliation burns hot in my pirate blood! And so, my mind is haunted with this one, searing word… REVENGE! Yes! I demand a rematch to see who’s truly the strongest on the sea! I’ve sharpened my skills since last we clashed. I am unbeatable! All will fall beneath my blade. Oh, yes. Somewhere on these vast seas our paths will cross again. If you have any honor at all, you will meet me in battle one last time! The mighty She-Pirate, Jolene.”
By her actions and her victories, we know that Jolene is able to match her bite to her bark. She’s as tough as her ship is fast; she can probably cut a man down as fast as her torpedoes can dismantle a ship. And even though she finally falls to Link’s sword, this she-pirate proves herself to be a tenacious force on the sea.
Pirate Rating: 4 out of 5.
Linebeck (Phantom Hourglass)
But to really appreciate Jolene’s status as a great pirate, we need to compare her to her old comrade Linebeck.
Oh, Linebeck. What could you have done to invite such hostility from Jolene? Well, before we hear that tale, the sailor shares with Link the story of how he first met the fearsome lady pirate. While sailing the Waters of the Ocean King, Linebeck “happened to sail by just as her ship was attacked by a monster.” In an uncharacteristically heroic moment, he “slammed into the beast with [his] ship and saved the day,” thus beginning a friendship between the two seafarers.
After travelling side-by-side and presumably pillaging a few ships, Linebeck began to realize he and her “were from different worlds,” unfit to travel together any longer. He recognized that “she was a LOT tougher than” him, and he “just wasn’t cut out for the rough-and-tumble life of a pirate.” As Link knows from his own travels with the shifty treasure hunter, Linebeck “always preferred the laid-back style of just sneaking off with treasure.” They “started seeing less and less of each other” and Linebeck realized he just had to “end it.” Wow, the story of Linebeck and Jolene began as way to compare the two and somehow became a tale of love and loss.
Anyway, Linebeck’s version of “ending it” might mean something different from what you’d think of in a normal breakup. He continues to say, “Well… I made off with some of her treasure…” Yes, ending a relationship for Linebeck means to steal your partner’s valuables and expect no repercussions. No wonder she’s always trying to kill you, you stupid idiot! Essentially, Linebeck’s only solo-score as a true pirate landed him on the outs with a dangerous piratess, forcing him to always watch his back lest Jolene send him to Davy Jones’ Locker.
We, of course, all saw this conclusion coming: Linebeck is a terrible pirate. In fact, he’s the only person on this list to fail so hard at the job that he actually left the pirate’s life for good. At least the other bad pirates we’ve looked at were too prideful to completely give it up. Linebeck only succeeded in a seadog’s profession because he allied himself with Jolene, and after deciding that the life really wasn’t for him, he was left worse off than he was before.
But as we learn from the end of Phantom Hourglass, the life of crime was never a great fit for Ol’ Linebeck anyway. He was always a hero deep down inside.
Pirate Rating: 1 out of 5.
So there you have it: The Legend of Zelda‘s best and worst pirates. It’s entirely likely that we’ve left some other important scallywags off the list, so feel free to share your favorites in the comments below.