Posted on February 16 2019 by John Piland
Zelda was a generally quiet and reserved girl, but one who would voice herself where it was important. She was the most recent reincarnation of the Goddess Hylia, linked to a line of the reincarnating Spirit of the Hero, which possessed her friend and hero, Link. To her dismay, Zelda had come to develop feelings for Link. When she thought about it, she realized they were probably rooted as far back as the time before the Great Calamity.
A century ago, the friendship between Link and Zelda was complicated. They grew closer by the day, so Zelda thought, but there seemed to be an equally growing tension between them. The stakes grew higher every day as more and more monsters appeared around Hyrule, ransacking villages; all the while Zelda struggled to come even close to unlocking the power within her to seal away the monstrous Ganon, whose return was imminent. She felt this shone a hypocritical light on her; perhaps she should have been more trusting of Link in the beginning instead of doubting his ability to be Hyrule’s hero. She worried, then, what Link thought of her. Nevertheless, that was in the past.
For one hundred years she fought off Ganon’s attempt to break free. She lost her sense of time, the only thing remaining being the memories of her friends, all of whom she thought she failed. Among them was Link. Things changed after he saved her and helped to seal away Ganon, of course. Her own self confidence had begun to skyrocket, and her friendship with Link began to grow ever closer.
Despite her growing confidence, when she made the discovery that she had feelings for Link, she found herself washed away in a wave of self consciousness. She had become overly concerned about her appearance, a concept foreign to her. Was her hair alright? Was her skin clear? Was she putting on weight? Did she need to put on weight? She may have been a princess, but in her eyes, one’s height on the political hierarchy meant nothing to Link in regards to a lover. Or maybe it did; her self consciousness made clarity of the mind hard to achieve.
Sidon, mighty prince of the Zoras and heir to the throne, had once looked up to Link in great admiration. To Sidon, Link was the very symbol of bravery and heroism, of strength, and of kindness.”Uncle Link” he would call him. His big sister, Mipha, was in love with the Hylian, and though Sidon was still so young at the time that most adult concepts went over his head, he was able to observe the love for this boy in his sister’s heart.
The day of the Calamity was the worst day of young Sidon’s life. In that day, he had lost both his sister and his idol. Over the next one hundred years he would train day in and day out, striving to be like Link, to be the man he knew his sister and the fallen hero would have wanted him to be. He would do them proud.
When Link returned to save Zora’s Domain from the torrential downpour that was Vah Ruta, Sidon was ecstatic, and wore it on his sleeve. However, what Sidon did not reveal was that he secretly wanted to impress Link and worried he may let his hero down. Thankfully for Sidon, he was able to help take down the Divine Beast, and his confidence responded for the better.
In the days following their brief adventure together, and as the two began to spend more time together as the worked to rebuild Hyrule, Sidon noticed something in him: a growing interest in Link — one of the romantic kind. He tried to brush it off at first, but it only grew stronger. True, Sidon had once seen Link as an uncle, but that was a century ago, and his perception of the Hylian had changed to that of a close friend. Still, though he accepted it, feeling this way towards someone he not long ago idolized felt odd. Nevertheless, Sidon knew he must tackle this demon and confront Link, lest his emotions consume him. That, or the princess steal his heart.
Each aware of the other’s interest in Link and the challenge they proposed, Zelda and Sidon confronted each other and devised a plan to finally nail the coffin that was the Hylian hero’s love interest. The two agreed on Hyrule’s top romantic location: Lover’s Pond atop Tuft Mountain to the south east of the kingdom. They would put on the ruse of a friendly sunset picnic before finally breaking the question to Link and unleashing the secrets of his heart. He would have to provide an answer. The plan was fool proof.
When the time came on the night of interrogation, Sidon was the first to speak up.
“Ah, what a wonderful meal, Link, what a wonderful meal,” he praised the hero in his most joyous tone, giving Link’s small frame a pat on the back with his large, fish-like hands. He had a knack for sounding supportive. “I’m not sure what you put in that meal, but just like you, it was beyond stellar. You really ought to come to Zora’s Domain more often. Why, I’ll even set up your own cooking area!”
“My dear friend, Sidon,” Zelda began in protest, “that is a very kind gesture, but Link is already busy enough as it is, what with balancing fame, protecting Hateno, training the next generation of the Guard, and helping with the restoration process.” She paused for a moment. “Isn’t that right, Link? Not that you’d be opposed to cooking for the Zoras once in a while. Why, as Sidon said, your cooking is a kiss from the Goddesses of old.” Link merely gave a shrug of what could only be interpreted as a mix of concern and appreciation.
Try as he might to make in nonchalant, Sidon faked a cough that hinted nothing but distaste. “Precisely my point, dear princess. Link has been so busy as of late, that I’m sure — no, I know — he could use a nice get away from it all. And what better place than the lovely and romantic Zora’s Domain? Consider it, Link. Why, I’ll even arrange for you your own sleeping quarters with the finest quality bedding we Zora can offer. Or, I could even allow you to slumber in my own chambers! I would be honored if you were to stay with us in the domain, my friend.” Link’s eyes widened at this statement.
Zelda was struck with bewilderment. The nerve of Sidon. Suggesting Link — her Link — take residence at Zora’s Domain? Suggesting Link sleep in his own chambers? What had gotten into this man? How asinine, she thought to herself, recalling what the late Revali would have likely said in this situation.
“Mind your tongue, Sidon,” Zelda reprimanded the Zora with an edge to her tone as sharp as steel. “Link, please forgive our friend. He merely wishes you hospitality. Right, Sidon?” This last bit she said with a hard grit of frustration.
The sky was reddening, not quite the shade of Sidon’s skin, but at least as red as the anger beginning to boil within the prince. “You are correct, princess,” Sidon replied, equal amounts as gritty. “Of course, we must let Link choose what he wishes to do, no? I’m sure you love sharing that bed in Hateno with him, but the boy’s back needs more support, lest it give out before time is do. You wouldn’t want that to happen to our hero, now, would you? Link, I insist — please, at the very least, give Zora’s Domain a try. We have the best beds in all of Hyrule and masseuses of a caliber beyond imagination. If it tuns out you don’t like it there, then, by all means, you may return to the old farming village of Hateno. All I ask of you is to give it a try — for your benefit.”
Zelda was fuming. She scoffed as her knuckles bled white from her tightly clenched fists, the picnic blanket caught up in them.
A wave of panic hit Link with the force of a Lynel’s crusher. He darted his eyes back and forth between his two friends. Putting everything together, he realized the stakes of the situation. His friends were not acting anything like their normal selves. He knew what he must do.
“Guy, guys,” he pleaded. “Please, calm down. There’s no need for all of this arguing. Look… I know why you brought me here.” Zelda and Sidon each looked at him in silence. “I know that… I know that you both like me… And that you both want to be my partner. By Hylia, one would think just about everyone in the kingdom wants to be with me — that’s a story for another time.”
Zelda and Sidon continued to give Link an undivided stare of attention. Link let out a sigh, then continued. “Here’s the thing: I’m not going to say that you don’t like me, but maybe there’s something you’re over looking. Something… deeper.” The silence would not let up. “What I’m trying to say is that, maybe the two of you have an interest for each other that has been masked by the fear that I may still one of you from the other. Is that idea so farfetched? Please, consider it. I insist.” As he said the last part, his gaze fixated on Sidon.
Zelda and Sidon looked at each other, then down at their legs as they pondered the meaning of Link’s message. Link was careful not to get his hopes too high, as he expected they could return to their obsession over him at any moment.
“Even if I’m wrong about the two of you having feelings for each other,” Link continued, “there are plenty of individuals in Hyrule and the greater world for you to experiment with. Don’t fixate your future on me; fixate it on the world around and ahead of you. Try new things. Broaden your horizons. Please. You’re both amazing individuals and deserve to find true love, just… not from me.”
Zelda and Sidon pondered this new message from Link before breaking out in simultaneous protest. It was clear to Link that his two friends were too consumed by their desire for him to think clearly. With the shake of his head, he resorted to a method he was hoping he’d not have to use.
“Look, princess, you’re a lovely person, but you’re just not my type. I… I’m not into women.”
Sidon jerked with excitement, his eyes widening with the joy of a child about to get a new toy.
“No, Sidon,” Link cut off his Zora friend. “You’re not my type, either.”
Sidon’s head sunk for a moment. “Oh, I see…” Sidon began, grimly. “You’re not into ‘fish people’, are you. Alright. Fine. I understand.”
“No, that’s not what I-” Link stopped with a sigh and entered a brief, yet deep thought.
“Guy’s listen,” Link started back up. “I don’t really have a type. I’m just not into anyone or anything like that.”
“What do you mean?” Zelda and Sidon asked hesitantly.
Link thought for a moment before continuing. “Sidon, you remember how we calmed down Vah Ruta? And Zelda, remember how I used the light to defeat Ganon?”
They each nodded in acknowledgment.
“Well, you see… I’m a bit of an ace with an arrow.”
John Piland is a guy just trying to make his way through life and not be consumed by his chronic addiction to memes. Feel free to talk with him about Zelda and Nintendo on Twitter.