This article was originally published on December 24th, 2013
Some have Christmas. Some have Hanukkah. Some have Festivus. But we Zelda fans? We have nothing. So many of the world’s major religions have traditions celebrating love and togetherness to help us brave the long, dark nights of winter, but Zelda fans have no such tradition to fill our hearts with meaning. For us, the wintertime means only despair. But what if I told you that wasn’t always the case?
During my extensive and very credible academic research in historic anthropolological religionic study, I have made the shocking discovery of a tradition called “Groosemas,” a long-forgotten holiday celebrated by ancient Zelda fans thousands of years ago. Every year on December 24th, or “Groosemas Eve,” ancient peoples would welcome a power known as “Groose” into their homes. Materializing itself in the shape of a large red-haired man, Groose would deliver treasure chests to young girls and boys pure at heart, to be opened the next morning. Families would gather at the dinner table that night and enjoy a large feast centered around the main dish, “Groose Beef.”
Without further ado, I present to you an ancient Groosemas poem entitled “The Night Before Groosemas,” a first-hand account of the ancient tradition celebrated so fondly so many years ago. Head past the jump to read it all!