Quite simple, this gives you a chance to rant about your particular top ten crappy games you've played and the reasons why.
I'll start:
BRUCE LEE: ENTER THE FIST:
Now this is an extremely disappointing and completely awful game that had one of the easiest concepts. Bruce Lee, renowned martial artist and supreme master of ass kicking starring in a good ol' beat 'em up game would have made millions. But, as they say, execution is everything. This game has extremely sluggish controls with punches and kicks landing a week after you make the input. Bruce sounds more like an angry chicken than the Bruce Lee we know and love, and the graphics, even for the original Xbox, were GOD AWFUL.
Again, would have been a killer game if done properly, but sadly, this was not.
RAMBO THE VIDEO GAME:
Again, much like with the above example, this is a concept that I'm shocked someone can muck up so badly. Rambo, the action hero adored by many fans worldwide in a badass first person shooter or third person shooter, would have been an amazing game if executed properly. Again, this game suffers with poor execution on EVERY ASPECT. The sound quality? Trash. It sounds like they took the original dialogue from the movies, and edited it terribly, so everyone sounds like they're in a deep cavern. Graphics? Also crap. Rambo himself looks like he's wearing a plastic wig, and his head looks too big for his torso. What's worse, is that the devs for this game used the original audio from the films, combined with the terrible graphics of this game, and the result as unappealing, amounting to an assault on the senses on all counts.
Which brings us to the gameplay, which, strangely, the developers opted to make this a rail shooter rather than a third person or first person shooter. You have several mechanics that make no sense, with terrible gunplay where it feels you're shooting air gun pellets rather than bullets, combined with quick time events in EVERY DAMN CUTSCENE. There's a whole level that is based ENTIRELY ON QTE'S!!!
ET THE VIDEO GAME:
This game. Ohhhh this game. Despite the absolute ****storm surrounding this game, nearly causing the video game industry to crash, I can tell that this game deserves EVERY AMOUNT OF CRITICISM. The controls? Crap. The sound? Awful. The graphics? Terrible, even by Atari 2600 standards.
What's more is that Atari made more copies than the number of 2600's in circulation! That's absolutely, insanely stupid.
ACTION 52 (GENESIS/NES):
This "game" came with a cartridge with 52 games on them, all of which are completely bug filled, unplayable, unworking pieces of **** imaginable.
The biggest insult? THE FACT THAT AT RELEASE THE DEVELOPER WANTED $200!!!!
When adjusted for inflation that's $375.25!!!
Nearly $400 for a cartridge filled with games that barely work, and most of them are unplayable, is an insult. In every sense of the word.
ALIENS: COLONIAL MARINES:
I hate this game. I hate it with a passion. This is the game that made me distrust pre-launch hype footage. This is the last game I ever pre-ordered. And I will never pre-order a game ever again. In a way, it made me wiser.
Why am I so pissed with this game? Well, what was promised isn't what we got. We were promised a badass FPS Alien shooter. What we got was a bug-filled, crappy FPS with the stupidest AI I've ever seen in a video game, and a game that I would consider borderline unplayable.
Now, I get that AI is going to act strangely at times, but you can easily tell the difference between competently programmed AI, and AI that is just stupid.
FEAR, a game that has the best AI I've ever seen yet, will create cover when it doesn't exist by throwing down filing cabinets, throw grenades to force you out of cover, flank your position, throw down covering fire for their allies, etc.
Compare that with the Aliens: Colonial Marines AI.
Aliens: Colonial Marines AI is just dumb. The Weyland Yutani PMC's routinely run into walls, the Xenomorphs rush you at all costs, the Boilers can't handle crouching and moving, and the boss in the Power Loader fight must have genuine mental deficiencies.
Wanna hear a joke? The Weyland Yutani AI trying to "flank" you. What ends up happening is that they run into a room far behind you and start yelling for its allies to cover him.
This is without mentioning that this has among the worst gunplay I've seen. The guns have no punch to them, it relies on hit-markers rather than bullet tracers to inform the player of where their bullets are going, causing the guns to lose impact, and this is without mentioning that the hit-markers sometimes just won't show up, where your bullets land is several pixels away from the targeting reticle, and relying on aim down sights is a waste of time, as there's no accuracy benefit from just firing from the hip.
AND THIS IS WITH GUN MODS THAT IMPROVE THE ACCURACY!!!
Combine that with the Weyland Yutani AI always ducking behind cover, prepare to fire a metric ton of bullets their way and not be sure if you're hitting a damn thing.
**** this game.
BUBSY 3D:
This is, without a doubt, the absolute worst 3D platformer that exists. Bar none. The graphics look terrible, with barely any "textures" to speak of, the controls feel like if you didn't have hands, that is to say, clumsy, clunky, with no room for fine tuning or control. Whereas the Bruce Lee game had sluggish controls, the best way I can describe the controls of Bubsy 3D is that Bubsy feels like he moves like he has three legs, all of them of different lengths. Forget sprinting and turning smoothly, like you could do in Super Mario 64, forget jumping on enemies, you'll die.
The camera controls are god awful where you can't change the direction the camera's facing until you stop Bubsy, and when you jump, the camera pans to a bird's eye view, meaning you can't properly tell where the platforms are in relation to Bubsy, causing you to die cheaply. As Spyro, Crash Bandicoot, Super Mario 64, Banjo Kazooie, Conker's Bad Fur Day, and other stellar 3D platformers have taught us, camera control is CRUCIAL in a 3D platformer, a lesson Bubsy 3D didn't learn.
Not only this, but Bubsy's voice is SO ANNOYING. He's trying to imitate Curly from the Three Stooges, but unlike Curly, Bubsy lacks any of the charm and humor that Curly had. As a result, this sounds like a massive insult to a comedy legend, and sounds so annoying that you'd want to stick pencils into your ears to rupture your eardrums so you don't have to hear this annoying little feline.
Overall, this game is an insult on all fronts.
DRAGON POWER:
Yes, this is a Dragon Ball game named Dragon Power. This was an NES game meant to adapt the first episodes of the world renowned Dragon Ball manga in a video game. But, for some reason, this was changed when this game was localized in the West, as Bandai stupidly felt that Western audiences wouldn't understand a game based on a manga.
So, already this game scored a point on my ****list for Bandai insulting my intelligence that I wouldn't "get" manga or anime.
But the real insult is the game. Now, it's not that hard to make a good DBZ game, as Dragon Ball Xenoverse 1 & 2, and Dragon Ball FighterZ has taught us. Just make the game look good, have incredibly tight controls, and trust in the Dragon Ball brand. This was a lesson that Bandai learned from.
However, this game did ABSOLUTELY NONE OF THAT!!! Goku feels like a rank martial arts amateur in this game, that is to say, he's slow, sluggish, and his hits feel like he can't properly gauge distance, the enemy placement is bull****, and the enemies move in patterns as if they snorted a line of cocaine. By that, I mean they move in random, erratic, and hard to predict patterns.
The hit detection is also bugged. At least it feels that way. Because you can be an amazing distance away from an enemy, and you lose health from an attack you thought you dodged.
The graphics, even for the NES, are absolute garbage, and the sound design is quite awful, even for the NES. Let's just say, there's a reason people likely forgot about this game.
But I won't. It still is insulting, considering I like Dragon Ball, and to have this pile of crap associated with it is a disgrace.
PSYCHOTOXIC:
One of the worst first person shooters that was ever created. It also is a sad story about developers being plagued with terrible luck, and trying their best to make the game playable, but as they say **** happens.
And in this case, **** did indeed happen. Such as publishers bowing out at the last second, the game being constantly reworked due to the game's engine being updated in the middle of the development, lawsuits, being released alongside Doom 3, which for a game made by an indie company, means obscurity, especially in an age where physical media was sold on store shelves. Combine that with the material the discs were printed on being too slim, leading to the game's anti-piracy DRM causing an unfixable bug to show up and crash the game.
This is without mentioning that the game's graphics are awful, the sound design is garbage, and the gunplay is incredibly floaty.
But, this is a case where I can't blame the developers, because there was unforseen circumstances that happened during this game's development. This does mean that the game is crap, though. Remember guys, hindsight is always 20/20.
SHAQ FU:
This is a fighting game. Starring basketball legend Shaquille O'Neil. Why? It makes no goddamn sense. Not to mention that this is the worst fighting game ever made, period. The controls are so delayed that the light from 13.7 billion years ago will reach your TV faster than your inputs. This, of course, makes winning any fight impossible, as fast, highly responsive controls are essential for a fighting game.
As a concept, it makes no sense. Not to mention none of Shaq's abilities are basketball related.
To think this trash was released on the SNES, the console that I feel has the best library of games. What a disgrace.
DAIKATANA:
The. Worst. First. Person. Shooter. Ever. Made. Period.
Made by the legend that worked on Wolfenstein and Doom I & II, some of the best early FPS games ever made, and that legend is John Romero.
John left id Software and founded Ion Storm, a company responsible for another stellar shooter, Deus Ex. However, before Deus Ex, we had Daikatana.
Oh Daikatana, where do I even begin?
How about the graphics? For a PC game, this is inexcusable. The textures look as if Vaseline has been spread over your screen. So the game is visually unappealing.
Sound design? Crap. Nothing about this game's sound design is excusable. So the game is an auditory assault.
Gameplay? Hoo boy. This is where the game becomes a trainwreck.
For starters, your guns have zero impact. Nothing about them feels as if you're shooting anything resembling a gun. Maybe a Super Soaker, but at least Super Soakers have impact.
Movement is terrible, following the Bubsy 3D school of character movement, except, somehow, far worse.
So this game is an insult in the visual sense, the auditory sense, and the gameplay sense. If you could smell and/or taste it, it would taste like a cow-pie.
Literally any other shooter would be a better investment of your money and your time.
So list your top ten worst games ever. I'm curious as to what "gems" people have played.
I'll start:
BRUCE LEE: ENTER THE FIST:
Now this is an extremely disappointing and completely awful game that had one of the easiest concepts. Bruce Lee, renowned martial artist and supreme master of ass kicking starring in a good ol' beat 'em up game would have made millions. But, as they say, execution is everything. This game has extremely sluggish controls with punches and kicks landing a week after you make the input. Bruce sounds more like an angry chicken than the Bruce Lee we know and love, and the graphics, even for the original Xbox, were GOD AWFUL.
Again, would have been a killer game if done properly, but sadly, this was not.
RAMBO THE VIDEO GAME:
Again, much like with the above example, this is a concept that I'm shocked someone can muck up so badly. Rambo, the action hero adored by many fans worldwide in a badass first person shooter or third person shooter, would have been an amazing game if executed properly. Again, this game suffers with poor execution on EVERY ASPECT. The sound quality? Trash. It sounds like they took the original dialogue from the movies, and edited it terribly, so everyone sounds like they're in a deep cavern. Graphics? Also crap. Rambo himself looks like he's wearing a plastic wig, and his head looks too big for his torso. What's worse, is that the devs for this game used the original audio from the films, combined with the terrible graphics of this game, and the result as unappealing, amounting to an assault on the senses on all counts.
Which brings us to the gameplay, which, strangely, the developers opted to make this a rail shooter rather than a third person or first person shooter. You have several mechanics that make no sense, with terrible gunplay where it feels you're shooting air gun pellets rather than bullets, combined with quick time events in EVERY DAMN CUTSCENE. There's a whole level that is based ENTIRELY ON QTE'S!!!
ET THE VIDEO GAME:
This game. Ohhhh this game. Despite the absolute ****storm surrounding this game, nearly causing the video game industry to crash, I can tell that this game deserves EVERY AMOUNT OF CRITICISM. The controls? Crap. The sound? Awful. The graphics? Terrible, even by Atari 2600 standards.
What's more is that Atari made more copies than the number of 2600's in circulation! That's absolutely, insanely stupid.
ACTION 52 (GENESIS/NES):
This "game" came with a cartridge with 52 games on them, all of which are completely bug filled, unplayable, unworking pieces of **** imaginable.
The biggest insult? THE FACT THAT AT RELEASE THE DEVELOPER WANTED $200!!!!
When adjusted for inflation that's $375.25!!!
Nearly $400 for a cartridge filled with games that barely work, and most of them are unplayable, is an insult. In every sense of the word.
ALIENS: COLONIAL MARINES:
I hate this game. I hate it with a passion. This is the game that made me distrust pre-launch hype footage. This is the last game I ever pre-ordered. And I will never pre-order a game ever again. In a way, it made me wiser.
Why am I so pissed with this game? Well, what was promised isn't what we got. We were promised a badass FPS Alien shooter. What we got was a bug-filled, crappy FPS with the stupidest AI I've ever seen in a video game, and a game that I would consider borderline unplayable.
Now, I get that AI is going to act strangely at times, but you can easily tell the difference between competently programmed AI, and AI that is just stupid.
FEAR, a game that has the best AI I've ever seen yet, will create cover when it doesn't exist by throwing down filing cabinets, throw grenades to force you out of cover, flank your position, throw down covering fire for their allies, etc.
Compare that with the Aliens: Colonial Marines AI.
Aliens: Colonial Marines AI is just dumb. The Weyland Yutani PMC's routinely run into walls, the Xenomorphs rush you at all costs, the Boilers can't handle crouching and moving, and the boss in the Power Loader fight must have genuine mental deficiencies.
Wanna hear a joke? The Weyland Yutani AI trying to "flank" you. What ends up happening is that they run into a room far behind you and start yelling for its allies to cover him.
This is without mentioning that this has among the worst gunplay I've seen. The guns have no punch to them, it relies on hit-markers rather than bullet tracers to inform the player of where their bullets are going, causing the guns to lose impact, and this is without mentioning that the hit-markers sometimes just won't show up, where your bullets land is several pixels away from the targeting reticle, and relying on aim down sights is a waste of time, as there's no accuracy benefit from just firing from the hip.
AND THIS IS WITH GUN MODS THAT IMPROVE THE ACCURACY!!!
Combine that with the Weyland Yutani AI always ducking behind cover, prepare to fire a metric ton of bullets their way and not be sure if you're hitting a damn thing.
**** this game.
BUBSY 3D:
This is, without a doubt, the absolute worst 3D platformer that exists. Bar none. The graphics look terrible, with barely any "textures" to speak of, the controls feel like if you didn't have hands, that is to say, clumsy, clunky, with no room for fine tuning or control. Whereas the Bruce Lee game had sluggish controls, the best way I can describe the controls of Bubsy 3D is that Bubsy feels like he moves like he has three legs, all of them of different lengths. Forget sprinting and turning smoothly, like you could do in Super Mario 64, forget jumping on enemies, you'll die.
The camera controls are god awful where you can't change the direction the camera's facing until you stop Bubsy, and when you jump, the camera pans to a bird's eye view, meaning you can't properly tell where the platforms are in relation to Bubsy, causing you to die cheaply. As Spyro, Crash Bandicoot, Super Mario 64, Banjo Kazooie, Conker's Bad Fur Day, and other stellar 3D platformers have taught us, camera control is CRUCIAL in a 3D platformer, a lesson Bubsy 3D didn't learn.
Not only this, but Bubsy's voice is SO ANNOYING. He's trying to imitate Curly from the Three Stooges, but unlike Curly, Bubsy lacks any of the charm and humor that Curly had. As a result, this sounds like a massive insult to a comedy legend, and sounds so annoying that you'd want to stick pencils into your ears to rupture your eardrums so you don't have to hear this annoying little feline.
Overall, this game is an insult on all fronts.
DRAGON POWER:
Yes, this is a Dragon Ball game named Dragon Power. This was an NES game meant to adapt the first episodes of the world renowned Dragon Ball manga in a video game. But, for some reason, this was changed when this game was localized in the West, as Bandai stupidly felt that Western audiences wouldn't understand a game based on a manga.
So, already this game scored a point on my ****list for Bandai insulting my intelligence that I wouldn't "get" manga or anime.
But the real insult is the game. Now, it's not that hard to make a good DBZ game, as Dragon Ball Xenoverse 1 & 2, and Dragon Ball FighterZ has taught us. Just make the game look good, have incredibly tight controls, and trust in the Dragon Ball brand. This was a lesson that Bandai learned from.
However, this game did ABSOLUTELY NONE OF THAT!!! Goku feels like a rank martial arts amateur in this game, that is to say, he's slow, sluggish, and his hits feel like he can't properly gauge distance, the enemy placement is bull****, and the enemies move in patterns as if they snorted a line of cocaine. By that, I mean they move in random, erratic, and hard to predict patterns.
The hit detection is also bugged. At least it feels that way. Because you can be an amazing distance away from an enemy, and you lose health from an attack you thought you dodged.
The graphics, even for the NES, are absolute garbage, and the sound design is quite awful, even for the NES. Let's just say, there's a reason people likely forgot about this game.
But I won't. It still is insulting, considering I like Dragon Ball, and to have this pile of crap associated with it is a disgrace.
PSYCHOTOXIC:
One of the worst first person shooters that was ever created. It also is a sad story about developers being plagued with terrible luck, and trying their best to make the game playable, but as they say **** happens.
And in this case, **** did indeed happen. Such as publishers bowing out at the last second, the game being constantly reworked due to the game's engine being updated in the middle of the development, lawsuits, being released alongside Doom 3, which for a game made by an indie company, means obscurity, especially in an age where physical media was sold on store shelves. Combine that with the material the discs were printed on being too slim, leading to the game's anti-piracy DRM causing an unfixable bug to show up and crash the game.
This is without mentioning that the game's graphics are awful, the sound design is garbage, and the gunplay is incredibly floaty.
But, this is a case where I can't blame the developers, because there was unforseen circumstances that happened during this game's development. This does mean that the game is crap, though. Remember guys, hindsight is always 20/20.
SHAQ FU:
This is a fighting game. Starring basketball legend Shaquille O'Neil. Why? It makes no goddamn sense. Not to mention that this is the worst fighting game ever made, period. The controls are so delayed that the light from 13.7 billion years ago will reach your TV faster than your inputs. This, of course, makes winning any fight impossible, as fast, highly responsive controls are essential for a fighting game.
As a concept, it makes no sense. Not to mention none of Shaq's abilities are basketball related.
To think this trash was released on the SNES, the console that I feel has the best library of games. What a disgrace.
DAIKATANA:
The. Worst. First. Person. Shooter. Ever. Made. Period.
Made by the legend that worked on Wolfenstein and Doom I & II, some of the best early FPS games ever made, and that legend is John Romero.
John left id Software and founded Ion Storm, a company responsible for another stellar shooter, Deus Ex. However, before Deus Ex, we had Daikatana.
Oh Daikatana, where do I even begin?
How about the graphics? For a PC game, this is inexcusable. The textures look as if Vaseline has been spread over your screen. So the game is visually unappealing.
Sound design? Crap. Nothing about this game's sound design is excusable. So the game is an auditory assault.
Gameplay? Hoo boy. This is where the game becomes a trainwreck.
For starters, your guns have zero impact. Nothing about them feels as if you're shooting anything resembling a gun. Maybe a Super Soaker, but at least Super Soakers have impact.
Movement is terrible, following the Bubsy 3D school of character movement, except, somehow, far worse.
So this game is an insult in the visual sense, the auditory sense, and the gameplay sense. If you could smell and/or taste it, it would taste like a cow-pie.
Literally any other shooter would be a better investment of your money and your time.
So list your top ten worst games ever. I'm curious as to what "gems" people have played.
Last edited: