Things That Are on Your Mind

[Mikey the Moblin]

If it helps imagine you're like that character Fear in Inside Out watching a theater in your mind.

It's more like Fear would be hijacking the video feed and replacing it with his own thoughts
I don't know how to explain how I feel without sounding like a Real Life Crazy Person Who Needs To Be Institutionalized

 

[TheGreatCthulhu]

It's more like Fear would be hijacking the video feed and replacing it with his own thoughts
I don't know how to explain how I feel without sounding like a Real Life Crazy Person Who Needs To Be Institutionalized

Seriously though, try giving that mindfulness practice a shot. First step why you listen, observe, and notice what you feel is to first ground your mind in reality, then when you go into your mind's theater, you can just simply observe what shows up, and just let it pass. The second you try to engage with it is when some thoughts that do induce anxiety can get stuck.

And trust me, my mind goes 800 mph with no brakes and thoughts are all over the place, unless hyperfocus kicks in then I forget what time is.

 

[Chevywolf30]

Hyperfocus is so funny to me because it's so overpowered so the nerf is that you can't really summon it at will, it just kinda happens.

 

[TheGreatCthulhu]

Hyperfocus is so funny to me because it's so overpowered so the nerf is that you can't really summon it at will, it just kinda happens.

Story of my life, man. I could hyperfocus on music, reading, and video games as a kid, never important stuff.

 

[Chevywolf30]

Story of my life, man. I could hyperfocus on music, reading, and video games as a kid, never important stuff.

And even if it's something you enjoy, it's not like you hyperfocus every time you sit down to it.

 

[TheGreatCthulhu]

And even if it's something you enjoy, it's not like you hyperfocus every time you sit down to it.

Sometimes it's random, like, "What were Medieval fashion trends?"

That was a fun rabbit hole that I crawled out of... 6 hours of research later.

 

[Fierce Deity Link]

I eat 6 times a day and somehow have been consistently 240Lbs (108.862Kgs) for the past 15 years.
And fast food is consistently in that diet.

Add in my roughly 3 drinks of mango stuff a day and that is pretty solid.

I have read eating more than three meals that are smaller throughout the day has health benefits.

A perfect flow chart.

In fact, another sci-fi trope that's been outdated for a while now is the food pill. Turns out, food in general contains a lot of macro and micro nutrients, and even if a pill could provide everything we need, people just enjoy food so much, so they likely would prefer real food anyways.

Plus, some foods are just magical. Like cheese. I love cheese.

Cheese csme from the gods, that is why its white for purity, gold for glory, and orange like fire which is a element that turns it into melted goodness.

Lately I can't tell if my own thoughts and emotions are genuine or fabricated idk what to make of it

How would they be fabricated? Do you believe yourself under a spell or something?

 

[Mikey the Moblin]

Theres a me
I'm a person and I have thoughts and feelings like everyone else. Like everyone else some of those thoughts and feelings are irrational, and that's okay

As of two days ago I realized there's another me, a smaller one inside my head
When I'm feeling sad it tells me that I don't deserve to feel sad because nothing in my life has caused any trauma
I'm not actually sad, the mini me is just making me feel sad because I want someone or something externally to perceive me as being sad. The me is more of a puppet to the mini me and it's telling me how I should be feeling or thinking or acting at any time. But the mini me is also me even though its motivations seem unaligned to mine. Part of this I think has stemmed from me breaking my leg. I'm noticing myself limping a little more every now and then just for people to notice I'm limping. But I don't care if people see I'm crippled or not lol
So it makes me reflect on that and realize that all of my actions are inherently performative and I don't know why
And then I realized that it's not just my actions that are performative but I'm somehow intentionally making myself think certain things or feel certain ways even if I don't have a reason for it and it's leading to this sort of detached state of mind
It caused a breakdown and rant already but the breakdown and rant were just for attention. I felt horrible in the moment because the mini me was making me feel horrible but the normal me was recognizing it as a cry for attention
This post somehow isn't a cry for attention though
You know how good actors can make themselves cry on command? It's like that, someone is telling me to "cry" and I do it

I tried therapy for a bit but I never got a follow up appointment scheduled because nobody in the world cares about my well being (this part is the cry for attention, I'm sorry, please do not quote this part or sad react or tell me you care about me) but my perspective on therapy was different then. I wanted them to figure out what was wrong with me and fix it. Now I want to go to therapy again and just talk, and try to unpack my own psyche and mental baggage. I don't think any therapist is smart enough to fix me (this is ego, which is bad, and I can't tell if I actually think this way or if it's just the mini me, I'm just saying it for the fun of it) but maybe I'm smart enough to fix myself, I just need a sounding board

 

[TheGreatCthulhu]

Theres a me
I'm a person and I have thoughts and feelings like everyone else. Like everyone else some of those thoughts and feelings are irrational, and that's okay

As of two days ago I realized there's another me, a smaller one inside my head
When I'm feeling sad it tells me that I don't deserve to feel sad because nothing in my life has caused any trauma
I'm not actually sad, the mini me is just making me feel sad because I want someone or something externally to perceive me as being sad. The me is more of a puppet to the mini me and it's telling me how I should be feeling or thinking or acting at any time. But the mini me is also me even though its motivations seem unaligned to mine. Part of this I think has stemmed from me breaking my leg. I'm noticing myself limping a little more every now and then just for people to notice I'm limping. But I don't care if people see I'm crippled or not lol
So it makes me reflect on that and realize that all of my actions are inherently performative and I don't know why
And then I realized that it's not just my actions that are performative but I'm somehow intentionally making myself think certain things or feel certain ways even if I don't have a reason for it and it's leading to this sort of detached state of mind
It caused a breakdown and rant already but the breakdown and rant were just for attention. I felt horrible in the moment because the mini me was making me feel horrible but the normal me was recognizing it as a cry for attention
This post somehow isn't a cry for attention though
You know how good actors can make themselves cry on command? It's like that, someone is telling me to "cry" and I do it

I tried therapy for a bit but I never got a follow up appointment scheduled because nobody in the world cares about my well being (this part is the cry for attention, I'm sorry, please do not quote this part or sad react or tell me you care about me) but my perspective on therapy was different then. I wanted them to figure out what was wrong with me and fix it. Now I want to go to therapy again and just talk, and try to unpack my own psyche and mental baggage. I don't think any therapist is smart enough to fix me (this is ego, which is bad, and I can't tell if I actually think this way or if it's just the mini me, I'm just saying it for the fun of it) but maybe I'm smart enough to fix myself, I just need a sounding board

A good therapist is really someone to listen to, and I'd definitely seek a good one out, as they can provide some invaluable insight.

That's just me speaking real, because I was also afraid of therapy because as much as I wish there wasn't, there is stigma on mental health from some people. But the stigma is unfounded. Mental health is just as important as physical health.

 

[Fierce Deity Link]

Theres a me
I'm a person and I have thoughts and feelings like everyone else. Like everyone else some of those thoughts and feelings are irrational, and that's okay

As of two days ago I realized there's another me, a smaller one inside my head
When I'm feeling sad it tells me that I don't deserve to feel sad because nothing in my life has caused any trauma
I'm not actually sad, the mini me is just making me feel sad because I want someone or something externally to perceive me as being sad. The me is more of a puppet to the mini me and it's telling me how I should be feeling or thinking or acting at any time. But the mini me is also me even though its motivations seem unaligned to mine. Part of this I think has stemmed from me breaking my leg. I'm noticing myself limping a little more every now and then just for people to notice I'm limping. But I don't care if people see I'm crippled or not lol
So it makes me reflect on that and realize that all of my actions are inherently performative and I don't know why
And then I realized that it's not just my actions that are performative but I'm somehow intentionally making myself think certain things or feel certain ways even if I don't have a reason for it and it's leading to this sort of detached state of mind
It caused a breakdown and rant already but the breakdown and rant were just for attention. I felt horrible in the moment because the mini me was making me feel horrible but the normal me was recognizing it as a cry for attention
This post somehow isn't a cry for attention though
You know how good actors can make themselves cry on command? It's like that, someone is telling me to "cry" and I do it

I tried therapy for a bit but I never got a follow up appointment scheduled because nobody in the world cares about my well being (this part is the cry for attention, I'm sorry, please do not quote this part or sad react or tell me you care about me) but my perspective on therapy was different then. I wanted them to figure out what was wrong with me and fix it. Now I want to go to therapy again and just talk, and try to unpack my own psyche and mental baggage. I don't think any therapist is smart enough to fix me (this is ego, which is bad, and I can't tell if I actually think this way or if it's just the mini me, I'm just saying it for the fun of it) but maybe I'm smart enough to fix myself, I just need a sounding board

A duality exists in us all. Who you are is what you choose, be The Hero or Be The Dark Lord, Link or Ganon, and Link fails, makes mistakes in this scenerio.

 

[Mikey the Moblin]

A duality exists in us all. Who you are is what you choose, be The Hero or Be The Dark Lord, Link or Ganon, and Link fails, makes mistakes in this scenerio.

Would be nice if I could try again from the last save tho wouldn't it

 

[Fierce Deity Link]

Would be nice if I could try again from the last save tho wouldn't it

You can with some people who forgive, others say Game Over.

 

[Fraxinus]

I'm not sure if it's the same thing but I notice I often overreact to things that don't even bother me that much because I feel lonely in my thoughts and want to let them out somehow. Kind of have been doing it more than normal lately as well.

The recent incident in that one discord server where someone told me that I knew too much about bugs and therefore I was ruining their casual enjoyment, I acted a lot more hurt by it because their "casual" enjoyment actually really bothered me in the way they go about doing it--actually harmful toward the way people should be perceiving wildlife--moreso than what they said to me. I think I did it to make a statement, but I'm honestly not sure anymore.

 

[Mikey the Moblin]

I'm not sure if it's the same thing but I notice I often overreact to things that don't even bother me that much because I feel lonely in my thoughts and want to let them out somehow. Kind of have been doing it more than normal lately as well.

The recent incident in that one discord server where someone told me that I knew too much about bugs and therefore I was ruining their casual enjoyment, I acted a lot more hurt by it because their "casual" enjoyment actually really bothered me in the way they go about doing it--actually harmful toward the way people should be perceiving wildlife--moreso than what they said to me. I think I did it to make a statement, but I'm honestly not sure anymore.

I wish I knew if it was the same thing or not tbh
It's way too easy for humans to rationalize basically anything so I can never tell if I'm just rationalizing or actually resolving stuff
But yes the sensation of acting more hurt by a statement than I actually am is the same deal, just internally rather than externally

 

[Fierce Deity Link]

I'm not sure if it's the same thing but I notice I often overreact to things that don't even bother me that much because I feel lonely in my thoughts and want to let them out somehow. Kind of have been doing it more than normal lately as well.

The recent incident in that one discord server where someone told me that I knew too much about bugs and therefore I was ruining their casual enjoyment, I acted a lot more hurt by it because their "casual" enjoyment actually really bothered me in the way they go about doing it--actually harmful toward the way people should be perceiving wildlife--moreso than what they said to me. I think I did it to make a statement, but I'm honestly not sure anymore.

Yeah there are people who will react if you know more than them, they like being a “big fish in little pond,” and feel insecure when someone knows more.

I in contrast welcome people knowing more, I then can learn from them.

I also follow this principle:
“Do not be proud, therefore, because of your learning or skill. Rather, fear because of the talent given you. If you think you know many things and understand them well enough, realize at the same time that there is much you do not know. Hence, do not affect wisdom, but admit your ignorance. Why prefer yourself to anyone else when many are more learned, more cultured than you?” (Imitation of Christ, Thomas A Kempis, Chapter 2).