The (bad) Advice thread

[CynicalSquid]

Chop him up and serve him for dinner

I have too much swag, what should I do about this?

 

[RainbowDashTriforce]

Ask your mother.

What do I do if I have a friendship problem?

 

[12345]

Answer: "Friendship", you say? Nothing is as fake as a facade of archaic smiles donned by two or more individuals. A true camaraderie is as nonexistant as a talking dog, they only appear in popular medias, which we all know are congested with lies. Who is one to assume that everything is true? Who is gullible enough to believe in such uncertain aspect of life? Admit it, all of you have always wondered what would happen should you strike your friend sitting right next to you out of the white. Long story short, friendship is to be shattered every given moment from your side rather than the other(s) so as to lessen the melancholy on your side.

Question: Someone wants me dead, and that person is looking through her scope right now to snipe my frontal lobe out of my cranium. I have a pencil, an eraser, a paper, and a paperclip on my desk. Tell me how to MacGyver out of the situation.

 

[TriFiERCE]

Answer: Right a message saying "Please don't hurt me".

Question: I somehow have been elected President of the US. What should my first official act as President be?

 

[Dio]

Answer: Right a message saying "Please don't hurt me".

Question: I somehow have been elected President of the US. What should my first official act as President be?

Answer: Press the big red button obviously!

Question: have recently bought a dog and it did a poopoo on my mums prized rug, she isn't back from work yet what should I do?

 

[Scarfed]

Answer: Eat the rug, blame the dog.

Question: I have to much time on my hands, what should I do?

 

[Zelda18]

(A) Take up knitting and enjoy poking people with the knitting needles.

(Q) I took up knitting and was happily enjoying poking people with knitting needles, when someone just decided to sue me! What should I do about the lawsuit?

 

[Link Floyd]

(A) Escape to a desert island in the middle of the Pacific where you have to hunt for food and live in a crappy shack on the beach.

(Q) I have a stomach ache. Should I take some medicine or go to the doctor or what?

 

[Zelda18]

(A) Or what.

(Q)My hair is SO awful, what should i do about it?

 

[RainbowDashTriforce]

Burn it.

How do I shot web?

 

[SavageWizzrobe]

(A) First, you need to get yourself a gun and some ammo, which may or may not be legal, but who cares? Then, when you get home, load your gun, then fire at anything that you think connects your computer to the internet.

(Q) I have ringing in my ears. What do I do to get rid of it?

 

[12345]

Answer: Get a gun (revolvers work the best) and shoot through the ears from the side. This would not only stop the ringing, but it will put an end to any other problems in life as well.

Question: I cannot tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile. Is there any methods as to facilitating the process of identifying and distinguishing one from another?

 

[Zelda18]

(A) Nobody knows, and nobody will ever know, so you should stop searching for answers before you end up in a vat of crocodiles and alligators, still wondering what the difference is. Oh, wait! they have books about that at the library! You should check out a book at the library on crocodiles and alligators.

(Q) My friends keep picking on me because of my name, Zelda, and I don't like it when people pick on me. What should I do?

 

[12345]

Answer: Grow 10-inches taller, now they cannot pick on you. Alternatively, you can just go to your Life Settings, go to Personal Details, and change your username in Real World Art Online.

Question: I seem to be easily antagonized by girls of my age-group. What should I watch out for when I am conversing with them?

 

[HeroOfTime]

(A) Language. Of any kind. If they talk to you, run for it! Hey, better safe than sorry, right?

(Q) I hate someone's signature on ZD. What should I say to them?