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Chevywolf30

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Mine wore a mask.

And a bucket on his head.

Yes, it was Buckethead. He was an interesting fellow.
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Chevywolf30

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Lol so I only have one assignment left and it's a short free write assignment but my brain is done braining for now so even tho this is righ tin my wheelhouse I cannot make myself do this, you'd think that I'd appreciate having something I'm good at for my last thing but noope
 

The Dashing Darknut

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who the hell told you things are easy for other people? thats pretty damn presumptuous of you to say something like that

if you want me to open the can of worms right here, if this is something you've been dying to talk about i suppose i can humor you.

i ignore you because most if not everything you do on zd reeks of seeking approval. i can sum it up in one example because this is the one that will stay in my mind for the context of how you are and what you do when you interact with me.

the worst thing youve ever done to me was when you drew me a picture of a character i love, when you knew i was mad at you. that just made me madder; you had to involve something i cared about in your sucking up game. salt in the wound type **** all the time, you had to take that thing i cared about down with you. and i had to just pretend everything was FINE--it just put me in a hostage situation cuz i had to be "nice" and thank you for the drawing even though it pissed me off.
Im sorry. I wanted you forgive me, and at that moment I wanted to do something I thought could’ve been nice, but it was foolish in the end. It just makes me more mad at myself, and I can’t go back

I don’t know what else to say. I just feel like screaming, I want to start over, I wish this all never happened. I’d dm you about it more but I won’t, because you wouldn’t want that, and I feel like I’m going in circles
 
NO. im not mad about it now dont ****ing start this spiral, im just sharing this story to make a point. everything you do has this same damn trend. its hard to deal with, which is why i just back away now. im not mad because i choose to avoid it

but if you see people avoiding it and you work even harder to embed yourself into them, then yeah, im gonna ****ing snap at you.

sucking up by design is not meant to make the person youre sucking up to feel better. its to make you feel better. you want that validation--which is why you must ask yourself.. why do you need other people to determine your contentment?

seeking approval is actually more unkind to people than just being yourself because seeking approval is functionally parasitism and left unchecked it can actjally become abusive

so work on fixing it and you'll be fine.
 

Chevywolf30

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Actually I'm almost certain the professor said we only need to do the reading. It's early in the semester, I am willing to take that gamble, and be more specific when taking notes on assignments in the future.
 

The Dashing Darknut

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I’m wondering I shouldn’t be on this thread or SB though, because that’s where most of my trying to join in on convos or trying to seek approval is. But I don’t want to just leave again. I have wanted people to look at my drawings and writing, but then that makes me think if I really do care about my story or drawings if it’s just to please.

This community is important to me, I don’t want to just up and leave it, I just have been feeling lonely lately, and I have always been so dependent and worried about what others say about me. I wish I could never make flaws, always say the right thing. But my whole “please forgive me!!!” is pretty pathetic of me to do, I just don’t know when people DO like me and WHEN is the right time to join in on a discussion.

Thanks for being honest though, and for always hearing me out, and having patience.
 

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