RamboBambiBambo
RamboBambiBamboBingoBongoBoiyo
So...
My uncle's birthday is on New Year's Eve, which means for most of his life he has gotten small things for his Birthday since most of everyone's money goes to Christmas shopping.
I casually asked him what he would want for his birthday this year.
He named off a dozen things, ranging from Star Wars Legos to some artwork for his walls.
But one of the things he listed off REALLY caught my ear.
God of War: Ragnarok
He does not have a PS5.
So... being a man who was raised by a village of drunken hooligans full of satire and tomfoolery...
I got him a PS5.
Specifically a PS5 Slim w/disc drive and a digital copy of Spider-Man 2.
Aren't I a good nephew?
Why do I ask if I am Chaotic Evil or Chaotic Good?
Simple.
MY PLAN ON HOW TO WRAP THE PRESENT !!!
Layer 1 - PS5 Box
Layer 2 - A roll of cellophane wrap
Layer 3 - Duct Tape
Layer 4 - The shipping box that the PS5 came in
Layer 4.1 - The Official God of War Cookbook, as a hint to taunt him
Layer 5 - Another roll of Cellophane wrap
Layer 6 - 2 rolls of duct tape
Layer 7 - Soundproofing Foam that is NOT soundproof in the slightest BUT makes for great packing foam when taped to the side of the box.
Layer 8 - A CUSTOM-MADE WOODEN SHELL OF PLYWOOD AND 2X4 PLANKS THAT WILL ENCASE THE LOWER LAYERS AND MAKE THE BOX EXCESSIVELY HEAVY, THUS MAKING IT HARDER FOR HIM TO GUESS THE CONTENTS WHATSOEVER!!!
Layer 9 - 2 rolls of cellophane wrap
Layer 10 - 4 rolls of duct tape
Layer 11 - regular gift wrap
Layer 12 - Ribbon & Bow
And so far, the wrapping process is about half-done.
and yes
there is a cookbook in there.
For added context, my uncle just LOVES to be a sinister man when gifting highly requested gifts.
For example, when he gave me Metal Gear Solid 4 years ago, he cellophane and duct tape wrapped it to such a degree that it was as thick as Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows!
He then gave the rest of the family pocket knives to hold out, taunting me as I furiously unwrapped the game case.
He does this to everyone at random.
So you can think of my wrapping process as revenge.
The plot thickens further.
STEP 1 - I go to his house at the crack of dawn on New Year's Eve / His Birthday.
Step 2 - I spam the doorbell.
Step 3-A - He answers the door and furiously yells at me while I just give him a goober of a smile and reach down to pick up and present the box while saying "Merry Birthday!! Lets have fun trying to unwrap this Fothermucker!"
Step 3-B - His roommate who doesn't know me in the slightest will answer and I will say "Oh sorry about that. I'm -nephew-of-your-roommate- and it is his birthday. As you can see, I brought him a gift. Where is -uncle's-name-? He needs to have a frustrating morning trying to open this behemoth of a birthday gift."
Step 4 - My uncle being my uncle, will try to use a knife. His knife will stop suddenly as it faces resistance: the wooden shell! I smile at him and sinisterly say "uncle-uncle-uncle... you know me. Did you really think I would allow it to be this easy?"
Step 5 - He begins unwrapping the ductape and cellophane layers, discovering a wooden shell. I give him a crap eating grin as he goes to his garage to fetch a crowbar and I look at his roommate and say "Tell me... what do you want for your birthday? And when is it?". Roommate will most definitely want to change the subject.
Step 6 - Wooden crate shell is pried open and uncle is frustrated to see... more duct tape. He may look at me and ask "Are you f**king serious RamboBambiBamboBingoBongoBoiyo?" to which I will reply "What? Did you expect to be done now? You're only getting started."
Step 7 - Whiskey break
Step 8 - The unwrappening continues.
Step 9 - He opens the shipping box and finds MORE unwrapping but first... the GoW Cookbook. He looks at the book, then at me and will likely go "What the hell is this?" To which I will respond by saying "Well, you said you wanted GoW Ragnarok. Who says you cannot have an accessory to it?"
I say that while looking longingly at the inner box yet to be unwrapped, a smile slowly growing on my face. My uncle is not an idiot (I hope) and will put two-and-two together.
Step 10 - He begins to FURIOUSLY UNWRAP THE NEXT LAYERS OF DUCT TAPE AND CELLOPHANE
Step 11 - He FREAKS OUT having been given a PS5 and the new Spider-Man 2 game!
Step 12 - I stand up and say "Yeah, unfortunately the GoW PS5s sold out so I settled for this instead."
Step 13 - He sets up the PS, begins installing Spider-Man 2, and I begin to head out.
Step 14 - At the door, I pause and say "Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I got you this ~little thing~." I reach into my cargo-pants pocket and pull out... God of War Ragnarok. "I was planning on wrapping this too, but I ran out of duct tape" I say before handing it over, a lie to show mercy. Had I wanted to, that thing would be duct tape wrapped so much, you would think it were a shoebox.
Step 15 - NOW I take my leave.
So... what do you think?
Chaotic Good or Chaotic Evil?
Or perhaps Chaotic Bogoobus ?
My uncle's birthday is on New Year's Eve, which means for most of his life he has gotten small things for his Birthday since most of everyone's money goes to Christmas shopping.
I casually asked him what he would want for his birthday this year.
He named off a dozen things, ranging from Star Wars Legos to some artwork for his walls.
But one of the things he listed off REALLY caught my ear.
God of War: Ragnarok
He does not have a PS5.
So... being a man who was raised by a village of drunken hooligans full of satire and tomfoolery...
I got him a PS5.
Specifically a PS5 Slim w/disc drive and a digital copy of Spider-Man 2.
Aren't I a good nephew?
Why do I ask if I am Chaotic Evil or Chaotic Good?
Simple.
MY PLAN ON HOW TO WRAP THE PRESENT !!!
Layer 1 - PS5 Box
Layer 2 - A roll of cellophane wrap
Layer 3 - Duct Tape
Layer 4 - The shipping box that the PS5 came in
Layer 4.1 - The Official God of War Cookbook, as a hint to taunt him
Layer 5 - Another roll of Cellophane wrap
Layer 6 - 2 rolls of duct tape
Layer 7 - Soundproofing Foam that is NOT soundproof in the slightest BUT makes for great packing foam when taped to the side of the box.
Layer 8 - A CUSTOM-MADE WOODEN SHELL OF PLYWOOD AND 2X4 PLANKS THAT WILL ENCASE THE LOWER LAYERS AND MAKE THE BOX EXCESSIVELY HEAVY, THUS MAKING IT HARDER FOR HIM TO GUESS THE CONTENTS WHATSOEVER!!!
Layer 9 - 2 rolls of cellophane wrap
Layer 10 - 4 rolls of duct tape
Layer 11 - regular gift wrap
Layer 12 - Ribbon & Bow
And so far, the wrapping process is about half-done.
and yes
there is a cookbook in there.
For added context, my uncle just LOVES to be a sinister man when gifting highly requested gifts.
For example, when he gave me Metal Gear Solid 4 years ago, he cellophane and duct tape wrapped it to such a degree that it was as thick as Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows!
He then gave the rest of the family pocket knives to hold out, taunting me as I furiously unwrapped the game case.
He does this to everyone at random.
So you can think of my wrapping process as revenge.
The plot thickens further.
STEP 1 - I go to his house at the crack of dawn on New Year's Eve / His Birthday.
Step 2 - I spam the doorbell.
Step 3-A - He answers the door and furiously yells at me while I just give him a goober of a smile and reach down to pick up and present the box while saying "Merry Birthday!! Lets have fun trying to unwrap this Fothermucker!"
Step 3-B - His roommate who doesn't know me in the slightest will answer and I will say "Oh sorry about that. I'm -nephew-of-your-roommate- and it is his birthday. As you can see, I brought him a gift. Where is -uncle's-name-? He needs to have a frustrating morning trying to open this behemoth of a birthday gift."
Step 4 - My uncle being my uncle, will try to use a knife. His knife will stop suddenly as it faces resistance: the wooden shell! I smile at him and sinisterly say "uncle-uncle-uncle... you know me. Did you really think I would allow it to be this easy?"
Step 5 - He begins unwrapping the ductape and cellophane layers, discovering a wooden shell. I give him a crap eating grin as he goes to his garage to fetch a crowbar and I look at his roommate and say "Tell me... what do you want for your birthday? And when is it?". Roommate will most definitely want to change the subject.
Step 6 - Wooden crate shell is pried open and uncle is frustrated to see... more duct tape. He may look at me and ask "Are you f**king serious RamboBambiBamboBingoBongoBoiyo?" to which I will reply "What? Did you expect to be done now? You're only getting started."
Step 7 - Whiskey break
Step 8 - The unwrappening continues.
Step 9 - He opens the shipping box and finds MORE unwrapping but first... the GoW Cookbook. He looks at the book, then at me and will likely go "What the hell is this?" To which I will respond by saying "Well, you said you wanted GoW Ragnarok. Who says you cannot have an accessory to it?"
I say that while looking longingly at the inner box yet to be unwrapped, a smile slowly growing on my face. My uncle is not an idiot (I hope) and will put two-and-two together.
Step 10 - He begins to FURIOUSLY UNWRAP THE NEXT LAYERS OF DUCT TAPE AND CELLOPHANE
Step 11 - He FREAKS OUT having been given a PS5 and the new Spider-Man 2 game!
Step 12 - I stand up and say "Yeah, unfortunately the GoW PS5s sold out so I settled for this instead."
Step 13 - He sets up the PS, begins installing Spider-Man 2, and I begin to head out.
Step 14 - At the door, I pause and say "Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I got you this ~little thing~." I reach into my cargo-pants pocket and pull out... God of War Ragnarok. "I was planning on wrapping this too, but I ran out of duct tape" I say before handing it over, a lie to show mercy. Had I wanted to, that thing would be duct tape wrapped so much, you would think it were a shoebox.
Step 15 - NOW I take my leave.
So... what do you think?
Chaotic Good or Chaotic Evil?
Or perhaps Chaotic Bogoobus ?
