Five Reasons To Hate Zelda

Water LinkJoe McNeilly over at GamesRadar has recently put together a listing of five reasons to hate the Zelda series. I read through the list and cannot help but think that the listing is quite terrible. I was looking for some legitimacy in the arguments but I couldn’t find it. Most of the things listed are complaints that I believe only come after you become a big fan of the series. It’s hard for me to think that a certain type of dungeon is a reason to hate Zelda. Any-who, listed below are the five reasons that Joe McNeilly listed.

1. It barely changes over the years

We can already tell you how the next Zelda game is going to be structured. Collect X items from X temples to save day, and possibly adopt annoying companion. Sure, there may be tweaks to the art style or the occasional novelty gameplay (HEEEAAAAVY BOOOOOTS! Motion Controls!!) but it feels like we’ve been playing the same game for ages.

2. Water Temples

Many consider Ocarina of Time to be not only the best Zelda game ever, but the best videogame ever. Well, they’re wrong. Ocarina established one of the most frustrating recurring levels in any game ever: the Water Temple. Hey, speaking of things that come back like a bad rash…

3. The Supporting Cast Mostly Sucks

Tingle is Zelda’s Jar Jar. If only there were a way to Phantom Edit him, the series would instantly get 20x better. And is there a living being alive who has functioning ears and actually enjoyed Navi’s constant stream of nagging? To be fair to the rest of the cast, Zelda and Gannon are great, but then, see reason #1.

4. Loads of Recycled Games

Having a popular franchise is like having a license to print money. And really, why would you spend a lot of time and money making costly new art and music and gameplay when the old stuff still moves units? Case in point: Oracle of Ages/Seasons look and play like Link’s Awakening. Spirit Tracks looks and plays like Phantom Hourglass. Why innovate when you can reheat?

5. Link has no voice, but still doesn’t shut up

You’d think a company like Nintendo would have plenty of money to plow into the development of its lead franchises. Yet for some reason, Link has shouted the same “Hyea! Hyea! Hyeaaaaa!” since 1998. What’s a matter, bigshots can’t afford a simple recording session? In that same period of time, Link has had numerous visual makeovers. Would it kill you to mix up the audio a little?

Whether you think these are legitimate reasons is a matter of opinion, but it sure seems that this article was originally intended specifically to spur up conversation from Zelda fans and Zelda websites alike. So for that much I congratulate the author Joe McNeilly, since you have succeeded! Let us know what you think of his reasoning by posting in the comments below.

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