The Darkness

[Atsuma]

I quit writing on fan fics but started to write this story. I guess I'll go ahead and rate it pg-13 for a few bad words, romance, blood, etc. Read at your own discretion. I intend on posting updates as long as this prologue, so as not to scare any readers away with longer ones.

The Darkness
Part 1

Leera Cluster, 15 light years away from Earth


Captain Xeldimus Lark of the Phantom wondered what the mother ship's commander could want this time. He was a short man of light tan skin and short, brownish hair that fell as bangs to the sides. He was not skinny nor fat, just regular. He wore a two-piece space suit, of a dark color.

Before the co pilot of his ship had informed him that he had an urgent call from the commander, he had been seated behind his black desk watching the universal news on a large framed wide screen television set that hung on one of the walls of the room. He changed the channel with the touch of a button on a white control that had been resting on his desk.

An image of a red haired human female appeared then, this one dressed in a white, plastic-like space suit. She was Zakelina Ikarus, the commander of the mothership Omega. The Phantom was just one of many of its cruisers that had the duty of watching over certain regions in the galaxy for an allotted time. The mother ship and its small vessels were part of the U.P. (Universal Police)

Just as Xeldimus was watching her on screen, the commander was watching him likewise back at the mother ship. She spoke in her heavy Euro accent, for the commander had been born in the Czech Republic, "Captain Xeldimus, I am sorry to bother you once again, but I have troubling news."

"You do?" Xeldimus asked as he eyed the screen. "What now, commander?"

"A few hours ago we lost total contact with the Lynx. As you already know, that crew was patrolling the Nargani galaxy."

"Yes," Xeldimus replied right away and he stood immediately though he did not walk, he just stayed behind his desk letting his heart and mind race as he stared at the screen. "I know that crew well, my cousin is onboard that cruiser. But...why were they sent there?”

“The Lynx carries a crew of scientists as you already know, they were to stop at several planets and do some digging and research. Your ship is the closest to that region,” the commander told him, Xeldimus watching her emerald eyes as she spoke. “You have to go check it out ASAP.”

Xeldimus nodded at her understandingly. “Very well, I think we can make the trip there in less than two earth days. Do you have any information I could use? I want to know everything there is to know about that galaxy and everything that relates to the last contact with the Lynx and its crew.”

“I’ll have one of my subjects send you the data in a moment. Good luck, captain, let us know of your progress at intervals six and twelve.”

“Ten-four, commander. The Phantom out.”

Commander Zakelina disappeared from view after the screen went static, she had cut the communication. Xeldimus turned off the screen then opted to head out of his room, his mind racing with thoughts of his dear cousin, the only relative he had left in his life.

(End of Prologue)

[Atsuma]

The Phantom was a three-level cruiser. The upper level consisted of the cockpit, the main deck and several rooms and corridors. The second level was where the crew had its living quarters and activity rooms. There was also an infirmary and the weapon's room. The third level was where the supplies were kept. There was also a large room that had several cells, a place where prisoners could be put in. All those cells were empty at the moment but there were times when all ten cells were full with captured bad guys.

In order to be operational, each cruiser had to have a crew of eight people at the very least. Two pilots, two gunners, a specialist in cybernetics, a mechanic, a doctor, and of course, the captain.

The Phantom was no exception, seven other persons were onboard, four of those females. One of those females was Laraka, a Pyrran. She was tall, had a lean body and medium sized, dark hair that fell to her shoulders. She had her bronze skin covered with black dots and ivory lines. Just like the rest of the human crew, Laraka also wore a suit like the ones they wore. Hers was a dark red color.

The captain found her first as he made his way to the main deck, a room that was located just next to the cockpit.

Laraka had been busy collecting data from a mini computer along a corridor. She was the cybernetic specialist on the Phantom. She turned her head to the side to see the captain approaching. She smiled at him and swiveled her body to face him.

"Where are you going, captain? Did I do a good job cleaning your office?"

"Yes," Xeldimus stopped and eyed her. "You did a good job, Laraka. But I am afraid we have another mission to take care of."

Laraka nodded at him, saying, "I see. Should I go get the others ready for a meeting, then?"

"No meeting is necessary yet," the captain spoke. "I am just going over to the cockpit to speak with Zee. You better prepare yourself, Laraka, we will be traveling fast in a matter of minutes. You would do well to inform the doctor, though. "

"I'll let her know," Laraka assured him.

He nodded at her then headed away, leaving her standing there. A few seconds later, she also headed away to get ready for the fast travel, which demanded of the passengers to be inside an egg-like pod well fastened. There was a pod in each of the crew's own room.

The door of the corridor slid open to the side as the captain neared it. He went by and into another corridor, which would lead him to the main deck. This corridor was empty, save for the few computerized gadgets located on the walls, which Laraka had to check and keep up to speed in order for the ship's electronic controls to run smoothly.

Xeldimus picked up the pace with his walk as he went by that corridor and reached the end in half a minute. The door slid open and revealed a wide room to him. The two gunners were seated to the right side in their respective positions, both watching the large screens in front of them. Aside from operating the cruiser's weapons, they also activated the cruiser's defense systems and scanned the area just to make sure there were no hostile ships traversing. One of the gunners was a young man, while the other was a woman. They both turned over their shoulder to see the captain as he had entered, the noise of the sliding door had alerted them of someone's presence.

"As you are," the captain went by through the middle of the room, avoiding a few seats and a table that were set in the middle. That room also had the entrance to the ship, the main door was located on the left side.

In order to obtain access to the cockpit, the captain had to input his personal code on a small, computerized box that was set near the cockpit's door. He did so and an approving sound was heard. A second later, the door slid open and he stepped in.

[athenian200]

An outer space story, eh? Hmm... this could turn out to be a bit like Metroid Prime. But I'll have to see.

It appears that the Captain of a fairly formidable starship has just discovered that one of their few remaining relatives might be in danger, because losing contact is a big red flag when you're at sea or in space... you can't survive for long out there alone. He hasn't informed his entire crew, only a few people he's decided to trust for reasons that aren't yet apparent. Does he want to avoid causing alarm? Does he suspect a saboteur is among them? Only time will tell...

You've certainly managed to create a lot of questions that will hook people into the story. If you can manage to keep answering questions while generating new ones in the minds of readers, this could turn out quite nicely. That's the common theme in all good stories I've read... I think it's the key.

I was kind of hoping you would try your hand at writing something other than a Zelda story, since you got really hard on yourself for AotL not being "Zelda" enough. That could have been the problem... maybe you were trying too hard to limit your creativity to an existing world, when the way you were starting out seemed like it could be the start of a whole new world.

[Atsuma]

An outer space story, eh? Hmm... this could turn out to be a bit like Metroid Prime. But I'll have to see.

It appears that the Captain of a fairly formidable starship has just discovered that one of their few remaining relatives might be in danger, because losing contact is a big red flag when you're at sea or in space... you can't survive for long out there alone. He hasn't informed his entire crew, only a few people he's decided to trust for reasons that aren't yet apparent. Does he want to avoid causing alarm? Does he suspect a saboteur is among them? Only time will tell...

You've certainly managed to create a lot of questions that will hook people into the story. If you can manage to keep answering questions while generating new ones in the minds of readers, this could turn out quite nicely. That's the common theme in all good stories I've read... I think it's the key.

I was kind of hoping you would try your hand at writing something other than a Zelda story, since you got really hard on yourself for AotL not being "Zelda" enough. That could have been the problem... maybe you were trying too hard to limit your creativity to an existing world, when the way you were starting out seemed like it could be the start of a whole new world.

1st part--Yeah, it's a story set in outerspace. I know nothing about scientific names or planet names nor anything of that sort, but I will do my best. And I have never played Metroid Prime, btw.

2nd part--Yeah, glad that you paid attention. indeed, a cruiser has lost contact with the mother ship. The captain, who has a relative in that ship was instantly worried, and so he sets out to put his crew in motion in an attempt to get there as fast as possible and find the crew and his relative. As to why he has not told his crew, well, he's on his way to meet with the main pilot, and you'll have to keep reading in order to find out when he does tell them. Only he knows, the connection between the Commander and him was secured, meaning that only they two know of what was spoken, the crew knows nothing.

3rd part--I guess you are right there. I did find myself shackled to the Zelda world in AotL, a world I hardly remember from my one-time playing experience of the game. I couldn't even remember character names, boss names and item names, so that is why I was having trouble writing on it. I could of had taken a look at the walk through here and cheat, but I wanted to see how much of the game I remembered while writing. I couldn't remember much so I found myself straying away and had to come up with other stuff, which led the story far from being a Zelda fan fic. This one though, this one is set in a world I just made up last night, you know...a few planets, characters, etc. It wont be a long story for sure, basically I'll just write what the captain does while attempting to find his cousin and the rest of the crew.

I appreciate your comment.

--Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, but some of the characters will be forum members. Who they are? Just read and find out. :P I shall be working on this baby all day long and probably have it done by nightfall.

[Atsuma]

The cockpit was wide and felt at normal temperature. When the captain entered, he heard several beeps and other assorted cybernetic noises that came from screens and the touch of buttons. Most the cockpit had operational buttons, levers, switches and gizmos on the wall and on the large control panel. Each pilot had its own comfortable seat near the control panel. One of them, a young female who had short, dark hair, was sitting while operating the vessel as it moved at a slow speed through that part of the galaxy, the Leera Cluster. She wore the typical dark space suit, as did her partner.

Her assistant, a tall young man of twenty one years of age, had been scrutinizing a screen on one of the walls and pressing buttons. He turned to see the captain and nodded at him. The co pilot was known as Donnie Darko, but several crew members referred to him as Skull Kid. He was tall and thin, had pale skin and dark, medium size, brown hair running back in the form of a mullet. He was very moody and the rest of the crew often avoided talking with him.

Xeldimus nodded back at Donnie and went on to sit on the co-pilot's seat. That made the main pilot turn a stare on him. She smiled at him, making him feel comfortable.

"How are you holding up, Zee?"

"I could use a hot shower, captain," she responded. "Frankly I am starting to get tired of just sitting on my butt."

"I see. Well, I have new orders for you, Zee." the captain said as he put on a headset for communicating with other members. Not that he would be using it, but the captain always put it on whenever he was in that seat. He could do the tasks that the rest of his team did. Yes, Xeldimus Lark as a captain now, knew all the tasks that his crew performed. It was required of a captain to know all that, in case of emergencies, which happened too frequently. Xeldimus had served several ships before during his teen years, and by doing so had learned all the trades of a cruiser. He now was a captain and aiming to become a commander of a mother ship, but he knew he still had too much to do before he was appointed one.

"Yes, captain. What now?" Zee asked. "Are we done keeping an eye out here?"

She was half Asian and half Latina and she was very cute, barely 23 years of age. She also had a headset on but the two were not communicating through it, no need when they were just three feet apart.

"Yes we are. I just got a call from the commander a few minutes ago," he explained, his voice as calm as ever. "It appears that the mother ship lost contact with the Lynx a few hours ago. We were ordered to go take a look at the Nargani galaxy, that's where they were at."

The pilot lowered her stare down, knowing fully well that the Lynx carried the last relative the captain had. She showed an odd expression, for she knew little about the Nargani region as well. So did her captain, who nodded at her and added, "Worry not, the commander will provide us with all the data, we'll be fine."

Zee nodded. Her full named was Zeruda Ash, but she was also known as Ash and Zee. Hardly anyone aboard the cruiser called her by her full name, not even the captain, for Zee had told them all that she would prefer if they all just called her Zee or Ash.

"I should get ourselves over there as quickly as possible, right?"

Xeldimus nodded. "Give us five minutes to get inside the pods then head us there."

"You got it," Zee responded and turned to the front and stared out of the windshield. Everything was like darkness out in space, but lights were visible all around as well, the lights of millions of stars and planets that composed the universe.

[Atsuma]

The captain headed back outside of the cockpit and the door closed behind him and locked up. He headed to where the two gunners kept busy. As he stood behind the young man, he spoke aloud so the two of them could hear him well. “Axle and Saskia. You two better head to your rooms right now.”

Axle turned his rotating seat around, so did Saskia. They both seemed to be puzzled at what the captain had ordered.

“Why?” the young, brown haired man asked him. He started to remove his communication set from his head. The red haired woman started doing the same.

Axle was named Axle Kimera, as to the female, she was named Saskia Zeeron but was known as Smitie aboard the Phantom.

“We are moving out from this galaxy,” the captain explained as he eyed them both. “That is why. Ash will be moving us across the plain at top notch speeds in a few minutes.”

“But why are we moving out, captain?” Saskia wanted to know, for the captain had told them nothing. “I thought we were going to patrol this area for fifteen days.” She adjusted her slim glasses and observed the captain attentively. Axle wore glasses as well, and they both wore the standard outfit that was worn by cadets and agents. Their color was a dark blue.

“A new order from the mother ship,” Xeldimus simply responded. “We will hold a meeting and I will explain the whole deal once we get to our destination, but right now I am just interested in seeing you two leave to your pods, the ride is going to get bumpy, as always.”

“Well,” Axle chuckled. “In that case, we better head there now. You coming, Smitie?” He pressed several buttons on his panel and the red haired woman did the same.

“I’m right behind you,” she said in her polite voice.

Xeldimus watched as the cadets headed toward the corridor, which would take them to another corridor and then a four-way section where an elevator awaited.

There were several monitors above another panel to the right of where the two gunners had been sitting. These screens showed areas of the ship through watchful camera lenses. Looking up at those screens, Xeldimus noted that Laraka was already within her pod. As to the young doctor, she was moving through a well lit corridor carrying her bag of supplies. She was on her way to her room as well, Xeldimus noted. Axle and Smitie were jogging through the corridor where the captain had met up with the Pyrran.

Watching another screen, the captain noted that the Phantom’s mechanic was busy in his own area of work in the third level. He appeared to be working on a ship’s part. Knowing that he had to contact him, the captain proceeded to sit on the seat that belonged to Axle. He picked up the headset and turned it on. He pressed several buttons on a keyboard on the panel and waited.

In a wide, squared room, the mechanic heard a beep, and he stopped doing what he had been doing. He quickly wiped his greasy hands with a red, dirty cloth and then picked up his own communication set, which had been sitting on top of a black, plastic table not too far away.

“Yes?” the six-foot tall young man asked. His hair was brownish and fell down past his ears in heavy bangs. Just like Smitie, and Axle, the mechanic wore glasses as well, his were thicker, though. He was dressed in a greenish space-suit, much the same model as the ones the other crew members wore.

“Yosh. Stop doing what you are doing and head over to your pod now. We are moving out from this area.”

“What?! But why? We just arrived here two days ago, captain.” Yosh’s voice sounded confused.

“Orders from above,” Xeldimus replied, dryly. “Get over to your room and I shall explain everything as soon as we arrive our new destination.”

Yosh hesitated a bit, then said, “Fine. But I thought I would get the chance to explore the mountain range in Uria. You promised you would give me that chance, man...Why leave now?”

“There will be time for that later,” Xeldimus spoke, ignoring Yosh’s lack of discipline. The captain was more concerned with his cousin’s well being than to take action over a small act of insubordination from his best friend. “I’ve never violated an order, Yosh. I am sure we will be back here in no time, you will get to explore that mountain range soon. Now get your *** over to your room!”

“Okay," the mechanic noticed the heavy tone of his friend, even though Xeldimus had not used too angry a tone. "guess I don’t have much of a choice anyway, you are the captain and I am a simple mechanic. I am on my way, captain Xeldimus.”

Xeldimus said nothing, rather he cut the communication between them and waited staring at the monitors. When the mechanic left the room, he stood from Axle’s chair and headed toward the door of the corridor. It was time to go back to his room, the trip would be long.

---End of Part 1---

[Atsuma]

Part 2


Cruisers transited through space at speeds double than those of their respective mother ships. That is why those small vessels were known as cruisers.

The Phantom passed through two large galaxies on their way to the Nargani region. These galaxies were medium size, containing at least twenty one planets, several suns and various black holes.

The phantom's pilot maneuvered the ship like an expert helmsman would of had maneuvered a ship. Zeruda Ash was strapped to her seat with two safety belts. She was also wearing her special helmet, one that she had put on before moving out from the Leera Cluster. The helmet had a special lens that allowed her to check objects out in space that could get in the ship's way. If there was something up ahead, Zeruda would easily come to identify it and swerve the cruiser to a side in order to avoid colliding with it. Conducting a cruiser through open space at 30,000 miles per hour was no easy task, but Zeruda was an expert pilot and she knew how to keep her cool.

The twenty three year old pilot got the ship and the crew to the Nargani region in a two day span. The Phantom had only stopped once so Xeldimus could deliver a status report to the mother ship and so that the crew could get some rest. They had done so in the Malar galaxy, the second galaxy they had been going through. The Malar galaxy had no cruiser from the Omega mother ship watching over it. The commander had ordered that cruiser to return to the mother ship two days ago, before communications with the Lynx had been lost.

While they had stopped there, the crew had enjoyed the sights of the galaxy.

“That is Olphalon, captain?” the young Asian doctor had asked in a surprised tone as she had been staring at the giant bluish planet from a large window in the main deck. She was the youngest onboard at sixteen. She had a fragile looking body, had dark, long hair that reached her waist and also wore thin glasses. Her skin was light tan and she was dressed in an orange and black space suit.

“Yes,” the captain had replied as he had been standing there next to her, eyeing the scenery with his arms crossed. “that is Olphalon the giant, Xinn. The largest planet in this section. It’s seventeen times the size of Jupiter, a dwarf planet compared to others I’ve seen.”

Xeldimus Lark had been here only once before, and that had been when he had been fifteen. He had been stationed as a gunner aboard a cruiser called The Fila. For the young doctor this was her first visit there, and it was also the first time she had laid eyes upon a massive planet.

“I am taking a picture of it,” Xinnamin Wuu had said very excitedly. “To take back home to my family.” She might of been just sixteen years old but was already an expert with medicine and could perform a few easy surgeries by herself. She had left for her camera very excited, leaving the crew there.

[Atsuma]

Fourteen hours later, the Phantom and it’s crew had entered the Nargani region, a gigantic galaxy that had more than forty planets spinning around three suns.

Zeruda had stopped the cruiser as soon as the Phantom had entered the Nargani region, just as she had been ordered to do from her captain. The whole crew found themselves in the meeting room a few minutes later, in the place where they discussed issues and tactics. The room in which they were all seated on dark plastic-like chairs around a rectangular dark table was medium in size and rectangular. Aside from the table and chairs there was a white board on one of the walls where the captain and anyone else could scribble down formulas or strategy plans using markers. There was also a large plasma television set on another wall, and there were several mini computers and a communication station. On another wall there was a transparent door that opened to a container of some sort. The crew simply knew that container as the fridge, for there were beverages and snacks that they could grab freely.

It was there in that room that captain Xeldimus would be doing the explanation to his crew about the matter at hand. They all looked fresh and attentive before him, as he did to them. In front of the captain on the table laid a red folder, the data he had received from the commander while they were still at the Leera Cluster. He opened that folder and brought out several pages that were filled with information. In a matter of minutes he revealed all there was to know.

“The Lynx was here in this region,” he began. “They had some scientists onboard and according to this info they were supposed to do some digging and searching in several unexplored planets. Last time a group of scientists was here they did not have the equipment and means necessary to perform those duties. It is not clear whether the team made it to one of the mentioned planets, the last communication that the mother ship received from the Lynx was that they were moving toward the middle of the galaxy in an attempt to get to Vaioa and start their exploring there.” Xeldimus stopped and looked at his crew, investigating their expressions. He always did that when he finished giving details.

The crew looked attentive and collected, as they always did when the captain was lecturing them.

“If you all have any opinions before we set out, it is time to speak up, people.” Xeldimus said to them.

“Maybe we should start there, captain,” Axle said as he scratched his forehead. “In Vaioa. What do we know about it?”

“I know nothing, for sure,” Zeruda spoke and she relaxed, sinking a bit in her chair while she kept a bottle of water firmly in her hands. “I’m just a pilot, not a scientific genius.”

Saskia rose her hand up and Xeldimus nodded at her. “Yes, Smitie?”

“I say we start looking in Olabus, it’s just off to our right and a good starting point, but that is just me.”

Olabus was just one of ten hospitable planets where the crew could enter its atmosphere and land, the other thirty were off-limit planets where one could only study them or observe them from afar. The elements that composed them were a still a threat to many species.

“Olabus will be cold,” Xeldimus said, having already read about the planet’s composition when he had been on break in the Malar galaxy. “But it is a good place to start looking while we are here. I’d hate to have to come back here.”

Yosh rose his hand then, keeping himself calm despite still feeling a bit edgy over his friend’s actions recently.

“Yes?”

“You said that the last reception of communication that the mother ship got from the Lynx made them out to be in the middle of the galaxy. Perhaps it is best if we go and check out this Vaioa planet first. What if the crew is in danger or something? I mean...they couldn’t be here for sure, we are almost at the very end of this galaxy.”

“So where to start,” Xeldimus said, mostly to himself. “Let us vote and move on, I just want to get out there and do some searching.”

The whole crew took a vote, raising their hands when Xeldimus gave them the options. Yosh, Laraka, Axle, Zeruda and Donnie had voted for Vaioa, while Smitie, Xinn and the captain had voted for Olabus.

“Okay,” the captain said as he rose from his chair, so did the rest of the crew. “Vaioa it is. Zee, take us there ASAP.”

Zeruda nodded at the captain, who said, “This meeting is terminated.”

[athenian200]

I haven't been online this weekend, so I had a lot of catching up to do.

It seems like the Captain has a bit of an informal relationship with Yosh the Mechanic that causes him to treat him less severely than a normal crew member. That's interesting... is the Mechanic like an Engineer in Star Trek? It's also interesting that he's the only one who doesn't seem to like the idea of leaving the patrol area... it's suspicious, but it could only be disappointment.

There's one part in there that doesn't seem to have any purpose except to introduce Xinnamin Wuu and give us a vague impression that this is a curious, eager and easily impressed person starting off their career in medicine.

Okay, and apparently it didn't mean anything that he hadn't informed his crew... he just briefed them on the situation. I suppose he just wanted to make haste without debating the issue, because it appears that he usually holds a conference and informs the crew when he needs their input on a situation. Then again, I suppose we could find out later that he wanted to see if anything went wrong during the trip, and if nothing did, that meant none of them were saboteurs.

I'm not sure if it's meaningful that the Captain lost the vote on which planet to investigate first. It sounds like the crew was going with a more reliable idea where they were likely to be than he did, unless he still wasn't telling them something.

You include a lot of details about the galaxies and the layout of the rooms, as well as conversations that don't directly advance the plot. This makes it seem more realistic.

The only criticism I can offer is that there's a slight lack of action and a lot of information, but that's actually the price of the story's good qualities. Star Wars did the same thing, and it worked.

[Atsuma]

I haven't been online this weekend, so I had a lot of catching up to do.

--It's okay, at least you are reading it. ^^

It seems like the Captain has a bit of an informal relationship with Yosh the Mechanic that causes him to treat him less severely than a normal crew member. That's interesting... is the Mechanic like an Engineer in Star Trek? It's also interesting that he's the only one who doesn't seem to like the idea of leaving the patrol area... it's suspicious, but it could only be disappointment.

--Yes, Yosh and the captain share a deep friendship. I wish I could have been more descriptive there with them and explain their relationship better, but I was hurrying this story because I wanna get it done and move on. Yosh sometimes gets away with stuff that others would be punished for, just so you know. :D And no, I don't know if he's an engineer, he just takes care of fixing mechanical stuff in the ship, like motor parts and that sort of stuff. And he was upset to leave because the captain had promised him before that he would allow him to explore a mountain range in some planet. He feels disappointed that he wasn't able to go explore, thus why he feels some sort of anger towards the captain, or disappointment if you will.

There's one part in there that doesn't seem to have any purpose except to introduce Xinnamin Wuu and give us a vague impression that this is a curious, eager and easily impressed person starting off their career in medicine.

--You are right, I only wrote that mainly to introduce Xinnamin's character. I did however write that with a small purpose, to move the team closer to their goal, and so that is why I mentioned that galaxy and that the team had rested there.

Okay, and apparently it didn't mean anything that he hadn't informed his crew... he just briefed them on the situation. I suppose he just wanted to make haste without debating the issue, because it appears that he usually holds a conference and informs the crew when he needs their input on a situation. Then again, I suppose we could find out later that he wanted to see if anything went wrong during the trip, and if nothing did, that meant none of them were saboteurs.

--Xeld the captain felt that there was no need to tell them what was going on. He wanted his crew firmly in control and ready to operate in the future, so he kept the matter to himself mostly. The captain is too concerned with his cousin's fate to even think about anything else, but like I said, I rushed the story a bit and wasn't able to describe those feelings. XD And no, the crew is firmly together, they are not against each other, not one of them is a saboteur, or hacker if you will.

I'm not sure if it's meaningful that the Captain lost the vote on which planet to investigate first. It sounds like the crew was going with a more reliable idea where they were likely to be than he did, unless he still wasn't telling them something.

--I meant to let the reader know that his decisions are not made by himself, rather he lets his team give their vote/opinion. He goes with the outcome of the vote, as you read.

You include a lot of details about the galaxies and the layout of the rooms, as well as conversations that don't directly advance the plot. This makes it seem more realistic.

--Thanks. Haha, I am rushing this story, like I have said, I don't want it to be that long. It will only be like two parts total, and I already started on two, as you can see.

The only criticism I can offer is that there's a slight lack of action and a lot of information, but that's actually the price of the story's good qualities. Star Wars did the same thing, and it worked.

--The action is coming, as to the info...I was rushing this story. XD I hope in the end at least it was a good read.

I answered in bold within your quote, look there, Athenian. XD Thanks, I appreciate your feedback. ^^