Chuck Norris Jokes

[Alter]

I'm praying that this is the place for this to go...

So anyway, post your favorite Chuck Norris jokes here! (And please- keep them appropriate.)

I guess I'll start out.

Chuck Norris was once bitten by a cobra. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books- he stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

Chuck Norris doesn't use scuba diving equipment; he just holds his breath.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice.

Chuck Norris was born in a little log cabin he built with his own hands.

When the boogyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesnt sleep; he waits.

And the list goes on...

[Johnny Boy]

Ahh yes, Chuck Norris jokes.
These jokes are all the rage in my school. There's only 3 that I can remember off of the top of my head.

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, he decides what time it is!

As a young kid, Chuck Norris use to Trick-or-Treat as himself.

Man invented the car to escape from Chuck Norris.
Not to become overpowered...Chuck Norris invented the car crash.

Good times... :D

[UsayEldaZay]

I found some more!

*Chuck Norris doesn't cut his grass, he dares it to grow.

*Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

*Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.

*If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.

*Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

*Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

*Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.

*Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon.

[Master Link]

These are some great jokes. They're also some of the few appropriate ones in today's humor.

I have my favorites.

Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups, he pushes the Earth down.

If you have a dollar and Chuck Norris has a dollar, he has more money than you.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents when he buys a song.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris doesn't recognize the Periodic Table of the Elements, he only believes in the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop.


There's some brain candy there.

[Linkmaster]

How's this?:
http://www.zeldadungeon.net/forum/picture.php?albumid=81&pictureid=801
(sorry, I had the picture already.)

[ShellShocker]

Wuahaha! Laugh you heads off at my Chuck Norris jokes... or something.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.

Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

[Smitie]

Is this Chuck Norris stuff an American thing or something, because I have no idea who you are all talking about D:.

[Ver-go-a-go-go]

Is this Chuck Norris stuff an American thing or something, because I have no idea who you are all talking about D:.

Heh, yeah. Chuck Norris is quite popular on this side of the world. :D

Here's a good one: Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.

[El Bagu]

I am sorry to say that I can´t add a joke myself, Mr Chuck Norris isn´t mentioned very often in Sweden (where I live) and therefore we don´t have many jokes about him, but I do know who he is :clap: I can understand that such things as Chuck Norris jokes were invented and I appreciate it :clap: I really appreciate this thread and I´ve found myself another good reason to love America :clap: Thank you Alter!

EDIT: I found some,

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there

[Welbanks]

Chuck Norris runs so fast that he can run around the Earth and punch himself in the back of the head.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch an episode of 60 minutes.

Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.

[Alter]

Come on, Welbanks. Keep it clean.

I've heard a lot of these before, but some of them are real gems. I can't believe I forgot the nightlight and near-death-experience ones.

Do you guys want me to compile them all somewhere?

[Linkmaster]

I've heard a lot of these before, but some of them are real gems. I can't believe I forgot the nightlight and near-death-experience ones.

Do you guys want me to compile them all somewhere?

Yes. Yes we do. Or something like that. I think I have a few more jokes, but I need to find them.

[chrisbg99]

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

The Ultimate Compendium For All Things Chuck Norris.

[ShellShocker]

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

The Ultimate Compendium For All Things Chuck Norris.

Way to ruin it. :P
Now we don't need to post any unless we make up some...

Ooh, Chuck Norris is so fast, you can't even see him move.

Ehh... Whatever. -.-

@Smitie: I don't really hear as much Chuck Norris things in Australia as I think they do in America. Or maybe nobody tells me anything... >.>

[linkman8]

A couple my friend told me:

If you have five dollars, and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money.

When Chuck Norris does pushups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down.

[Inflexus]

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and awesome martial arts abilities. Shortly after the transaction, he roundhoused' Satan in the face and took his soul back. Since the devil appreciates irony, they now play poker every wenesday night.

[Alter]

That's a good one, Inflexus. :)

chrisbg99, you just ruined the whole forum. Meh. :(

[Petman1325]

Alright, here is not much, but here I go.

The United States called off human cloning because if two Chuck Norris roundhouse kick each other, then the Universe would explode.

Chuck Norris doesn't have the Ctrl button on his Keyboard. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar, then the place exploded. So much awesomeness cannot be contained in one building.

Anyone who picks on Chuck Norris, in police code, is doing a code 11: a Suicide.

Chuck Norris was originally in Street Fighter, but the beta testers said that all he did was roundhouse kick. When Chuck Norris was asked about this, he said "That wasn't a glitch."

[Kybyrian]

Chuck Norris can spell his name with ten letters.

Chuck Norris has a third fist under his beard.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked somebody to the moon.

Bruce Lee didn't really kill Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris just had a cramp.

I'm bad at Chuck Norris jokes.

[Super Goombario]

Yeah, the only person to ever defeat Chuck is dead.

[chrisbg99]

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8k3uGzgZIs

[Kybyrian]

Chuck Norris is so awesome that he can bowl a 301.

Chuck Norris once bowled a gutter ball and hit 10 pins.

Chuck Norris doesn't roll the ball, he roundhouse kicks it into the pins.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a ball into the pins and every lane got a strike.

Yay for bowling.

Chuck Norris once got a virus and roundhouse kicked the side of the computer. The virus got so scared that it ran off and infected the sender's computer.

Chuck Norris has an Xbox 720.

Chuck Norris's Wii prints money.

[Made_Of_Win]

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.


There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.


Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.


Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.


Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.


Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.


Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.


Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.


When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.


There are TONS more I love.

[Inflexus]

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the Earth. Originally, his plan was to do it over the course of 10 relaxed days. Chuck Norris gave him a week.

---

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

---

Naruto has 5 classes of Ninja: Genin, Chuunin, Jonin, Kage, and Chuck Norris.

[FalseDestiny]

Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man. His gift to Baby Jesus was the gift of Beard. Which Jesus proudly wore his whole life. Jealous at Jesus's favoritism the 3 wise men use their collective influence to get Chuck Norris written out of the Bible. They were later found dead due to Roundhouse kick related trauma.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is he replies " two seconds till." If you ask him "two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you before you can finish asking.

After reading the Surgeon General's warning on a box of cigarettes he proceeded to smoke 10 packs a day until he had every kind of cancer you can get from cigarettes. After that he walked up to Lance Armstrong, took a drink of water and said " Beat that."

[Vash03]

Chuck Norris round house kicks himself in the face when he needs a shave, the only thing that can cut Chuck Norris, is Chuck Norris.

The power it takes to power the country of Australia for an hour is equal to 1 CNRK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick.)

Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, water gets Chuck Norris.

At first there was nothing, then Chuck Norris round house kicked that nothing and told it to get a job, thus the history of the world.

[lonely_moon]

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

In the average living room there are 1 242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

^_^

[KrazyKyuubi]

Okay,

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

Chuck Norris doesn't have doors in his house. Just walls he walks through.

Chuck Norris won a staring contest with the sun.

Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.

When Chuck Norris jumps in water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.

On the first day God created the Earth. Before the first day, Chuck Norris created God.

[fredthehylian]

Chuck Norris ate nothing but Big Macs for a whole year. He lost 256 pounds.

Chuck Norris did the Thriller for Michael Jacksons 5th birthday.

Christians worship God. Satanists worship Satan. God and Satan worship Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris taught Spider Man to shot web.

The KKK dressed up like ghosts to try to scare Chuck Norris. He mistook them for trick or treat kids and treated them like every trick or treater. With roundhouse kicks. The KKK no longer exists.

[fiercedeity619]

it wasnt a meteor that killed the dinosaurs it was chuck norris

i dont know very many chuck norris jokes

[Neo]

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f**k down.

That's the only one I know.

[Alter]

You know, give it rest. Chuck Norris can't hit that backside of a barn with a rock.

....because every time he throws it, the air pressure causes the whole d**n thing to fall down.

Just heard that one today.

[Neo]

Chuck Norris was in the original Street Fighter, but was removed due to a glitch which made every button do a roundhouse kick. When asked about the glitch, he replied "That's not a glitch."

Haha that one's a little longer.
Good stuff, folks.

[Werewolfy]

Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a CTRL key; he controls everything.

[fredthehylian]

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f**k down.

That's the only one I know.

Watch the language. The rules state you can't swear even with stars.

Chuck Norris once died in a car accident. Death and Fate were fired the next day.

[Clucluclu]

Iron Man once raced Superman to the moon. The winner was Chuck Norris.

This one is a tiny bit graphic but I think it is too funny so if you don't like it ignore it:
Chuck Norris lost his virginty before his father.

[dug428]

Chuck Norris beat medusa in a staring contest, and walked back out the door.

[DreamDevourer]

Chuck Norris can ride a bike while driving a car.
Can you?

[Niko Bellic 817]

When Chuck Norris stares down at a lake, it dries up.

Earthquakes occur when Chuck Norris punches the ground.

Chuck Norris can whisper and shout at the same time.

You can't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

When a snail sees Chuck Norris, it sprints at a hundred miles per hours.

[fredthehylian]

Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups; he's too old.
There is no evolution or creation; just a list of creatures that can defeat Chuck Norris in combat. There are still protozoan creatures on the list.
Chuck Norris wasn't defeated by Bruce Lee; TKO losses don't result in defeat. Just trying too hard.

[TriforceHunter]

LOL. I LOVE Chuck Noriis jokes. Here are some I made myself! ^^

Chuck Norris doesn't have to do anything in order to get a Klondike Bar.

Chuck Norris was gonna be the last boss in SSBB but then they decided he shouldn't be in the game whatsover. Otherwise it would be impossible.

Barney got a visit from CN....thats why he is puple for his whole lifetime.

what?

[enemytracker]

I've got some:

A onion doesn't make Chuck Norris cry, Chuck Norris makes the onion cry.:xd:

Kirby can't swallow Chuck Norris, but Chuck Norris can swallow Kirby!:lol:

[Epwna]

When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror,there's no reflection.There can never be a second Chuck Norris.

There used to be one America,until Chuck Norris round house kicked it.

Chuck Norris won Family Feud by himself.

Santa,you better put Chuck Norris on the Good list,or else.

Chuck Norriis is why the Dinosaurs are exstinct.

Chucky Cheeses was named after Chuck Norris after he discovered mozerella.

[yann]

I love you SOOO much for making this thread!


Chuck Norris doesn't own a house. He goes into a house and people move out.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also smell hope, as in "I hope Chuck Norris doesn't roundhouse kick me!"

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes, Chuck Norris has 76, and they're all poisonous.

Google won't search for Chuck Norris cause it knows you can't find Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris finds you.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris did infact build Rome in a day.

If Chuck Norris stood infront of a scouter, it would read up to infinite, twice.

Chuck Norris does not get frost bite, Chuck Norris bites frost.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack, his heart is no where near stupid enough to attack him.

Aliens do indeed exist, they just know better than to visit a planet inhabited by Chuck Norris.

When Bruce Banner gets mad he becomes The Hulk, when Hulk gets mad he becomes Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris built a time machine to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris deflected them with his beard. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

[Jedizora]

chuck norris squised a orange. lemonade came out.^^

[TreeHuggerPanda]

Ahhh... classic jokes...

It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer
Chuck Norris can divide by zero
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Classic...

[Mikau]

Chuck norris played russian roulette witha fully loaded gun and won

newton's third law is wrong. there is no equal reaction for a chuck norris roundhouse kick

the bible was originally titled "chuck norris and friends"

[Phlegm]

When Chuck Norris swims, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.

[Raven]

Don't know if this one was mentioned already.. but..
Chuck Norris doesn't read books! he stares them down for their information.
Ya i know, super lame.

[Austin]

I got two. Sorry if they've already been mentioned.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice.
Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful it'll affect your genetics so that decades from now your descendents will grab the back of their heads and scream "What the hell was that!".

[February Eve]

Chuck Norris doesn't time-travel, time travels for him.

Shakespeare deleted the line "What's in a name?" when someone said "Chuck Norris."

Avada kedavra is fatal to the person aiming at Chuck Norris.

When Atlas needed a break, he called Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris balanced the world on his pinkie.

When Chuck Norris says "Boo", ghosts faint.

[43ForceGems]

I don't know if some of these have already been said, but I'm not in the mood to read 4 pages to find around.

Chuck Norris doesn't go swimming, the water goes Chuck Norrising.

Chuck Norris can it just one Lays potato chip.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

The last time Chuck Norris ran the 100 meter, he beat the world record. But he's still trying to beat his PR. (Love that one :D )

Famous last words: "I found Chuck Norris!"

In all the movies where Bruce Lee kills Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee dies shortly after filming.

GO CHUCK NORRIS :P :P :P!

[piebloc265]

chuck norris dosent go hunting because the word 'hunt' gives the probability of failure

chuck norris is the reason why waldo is hiding

chuck norris kicked a horse in the head. its later decendants were later known as girrafes

the house chuck norris lives in has no doors, only walls he walks through

chuck norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink

chuck norris won a game of connect 4 in only 3 moves

the pen is only mightier than the sword if chuck norris is holding it

if you spell Chuck Norris in scrabble you win. Forever

chuck norris invented all 32 letters of the alphabet

chuck norris won in solitaire with only 18 cards

crop circles are chuck norris' way of telling people that sometimes, corn needs to lay down

when chuck norris walks into a room he does not turn on a light, he turns off the dark
************************************************** ************************************************** ******
go to google and type in 'no chuck norris' than click 'im feeling lucky'

[Hero of Limes]

If you type Google Chuck Norris on Google and then click the "I'm feeling lucky" button...well why don't you see for yourself!
http://www.nochucknorris.com/

Darn, I just noticed the person above me has the exact same post! So much for me being observant. >.<

[Anemos]

Newton's Third law is wrong. There is no equal reaction for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

*ahem*

I notice this is a joke, but I have an urge to write something educational and contradictory today.

You see, if there wasn't a reaction to the round house kick, the recoil effect seen here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vb7lnpk3tRY) would not exist.

[NorthApple]

I have some more :D

There's no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There's only another fist.

Chuck Norris doesn't need telescopes. He can already see further than them with his eyes closed.

Chuck Norris was cold. So Global Warming happened.

Chuck Norris doesn't merely walk to his destination- the fabric of space-time is so afraid of him it bends to let him through.

Chuck Norris doesn't put money into vending machines; vending machines put money into Chuck Norris.

/lame

[enemytracker]

I found these ones while I was scrubbing around (Hope you like it) :

-If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.

-In an average living room there are over 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

-It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant Meteor.

-Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land.

-On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with violence.

-Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11: A suicide.

-Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased over 13,000 percent.

-That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups, that's Chuck Norris moving Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.

-Alliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

-Let's suppose that Chuck Norris has 5 dollars and you also have 5 dollars, sorry, he has more money than you.



I think I'll scrub a little bit more to find more interesting fact about Chuck Norris...

[Ghosi]

Well I know two right now...
Chuck Norris went to Burger King and asked for a Big Mac. He got it.
Acid doesn't burn Chuck Norris; he burns the acid.

[insanity76]

-How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.

What about some Chuck Norris facts for the Zelda world?

-Chuck Norris could have saved Termina from destruction simply by staring at the moon, causing it to retreat back to the sky out of fear.

-There were originally 4 spells in Ocarina of Time - Din's Fire, Farore's Wind, Nayru's Love, and Chuck Norris' Rage. They removed the 4th spell to give the bosses a fighting chance against the player.

-Lake Hylia wasn't drained due to a curse at the Water Temple. Chuck Norris got thirsty.

[Aero_Dynamic]

Here's one I can remeber from the back of my head: Chuck Norris can shoot down a military helicopter by pointing his finger at it and saying "bang". LOL

[link to present]

Who would win in a fight Chuck Norris or a hurricane named Chuck Norris

[Tony]

When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't pushing up he is pushing the earth down.

[Ninten*]

Well, this one is really scary but true. You could make the joke appear on Google. Type 'find Chuck Norris', hit "I'm Feeling Lucky" and it will redirect you.

You don't find Chuck Norris. He finds you.

[Destiny]

Chuck Norris CAN kill a Cucco
---------------------

[enemytracker]

More:

-The aren't any mass destruction weapons in Irap, Chuck Norris doesn't live there.
-Bruce Willis plays Minesweeper with real mines and Chuck Norris plays hearts with real hearts.
-For every man you don't kill, Chuck Norris kills seven.
-If you scrabble Chuck Norris, you win. Forever.
-Chuck Norris created a language that consists in round house kicks and karate, so if he kicks your a**, don't be offended, he just wanted to ell you that he liked you hat.
-David Beckham can kick a ball for 5,000 miles and Chuck Norris can kick David Beckham for 1000,000 miles.
-Chuck Norris can cast a shadow in the dark.
-Some people say that the main reason for the dinosaurs' extinction is an attack of Chuckanorrisaurus Rex.

[penguinboy82]

If the strongest man in the world punched Chuck Norris with an iron first, Chuck would say "QUIT THROWING PAPER AT ME!"

[Turo602]

When Chuck Norris came out of the closet everyone turned gay with him. And also, the Boogieman died of a heart attack.

[linksbro321]

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack.......he won.

[Turo602]

Chuck Norris got into a fight with his own shadow and won.

[butterbiscuit]

Chuck Norris gave birth to himself.

The Titanic didn't sink from an iceberg- Chuck Norris was doing the backstroke across the Pacific.

It only takes Chuck Norris one Pokeball to catch a legendary Pokemon.

He doesn't need Facebook or Twitter 'cause he's already following you.

Darth Vader dresses as Chuck Norris on Halloween.

Everything began when Chuck sneezed.

Chuck Norris uses piranhas as bath toys.

Chuck Norris can count to infinity... twice.

Chuck Norris can lick his elbow.

Switzerland isn't neutral. It just doesn't know which side Chuck Norris is on yet.

[twilight_link]

This isn't a chuck norris joke just a quetion. What happens if someone actually defeats chuck norris?

[linksbro321]

.........Well if Chuck Norris died the world will end.......

Also Chuck Norris can e-mail a roundhouse kick...

[twilight_link]

oh btw heres a chuck norris joke from Peter & Brain.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZDoNbD6i8E

[mooper11]

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Most kids wear Superman Pajamas, Superman wears Chuck Norris Pajamas
The Boogeyman checks under his bed for Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can beat Battletoads, on multiplayer.
Chuck Norris beat Contra with 3 lives
Chuck norris beat the 256th level of Pacman
Chuck Norris can type 100 words per minute, with boxing gloves

[insanity76]

They originally had a Chuck Norris Mask in MM, but whenever Link wore it Majora would drop dead out of fear. So they settled with the much less powerful Fierce Diety's Mask.

[CUCCOMASTER]

Chuck Norris can pee his name in concrete.

Jesus can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

Chuck Norris is so tough, Obama has a Fathead of him on his bedroom wall.



Fathead: sticker of famous people or stuff that sticks to your wall

[VembersWind]

i love chuck norris jokes :)

chuck norris once played russian roulette with a fully loaded gun... and won

chuck norris is the only man to ever beat a wall in tennis

there is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures chuck norris allowed to live

chuck norris once won a staring contest with the sun

chuck norris doesn't read books, he just stares it down until he gets all the information he wants

[Linknmike]

-Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72. And they're all poisonous.

-Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

-If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. Chuck Norris hears. Chuck Norris can hear everything. Chuck Norris can hear the shrieking terror in your soul.

-The phrase 'when pigs fly' used to mean "constantly" until Chuck Norris got bored of roundhouse kicking pigs.

-Chuck Norris doesn't need a miracle to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets out of the way.

-Brokeback Mountain is not only the name of a movie, but what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his backyard.

-The grass is always greener on the other side. Unless Chuck Norris has been there. Then it's most likely stained in blood and tears.

-Everyone has an inner child. Even Chuck Norris. He ate one for breakfast.

-Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.

-Contrary to popular belief, the lottery numbers aren't random. They are just the number of people Chuck Norris killed that givin day.

-Chuck Norris can draw a square circle.

-Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double for crying scenes.

-Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is beating you down, don't be offended, he just be trying to say he likes your hat.

-Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.

It's a pretty long list, but I have an iPod app.

[theothernavi]

To kill Chuck Norris (don't gasp) you need to shoot a werewolf out of a silver bullet
Chuck Norris makes Glee seem depressing
The only things that survive the apocolypse are cockroaches, and Chuck Norris. However, the roaches might not survive Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris swims on land and walks on water
Yo momma's so ugly, she makes Chuck Norris look like a supermodel
Chuck Norris once got hit by a train. The force of the impact sent the train flying:P

Say, have thought about doing this with Yo Momma jokes?

[Dr3W21]

The cake isn't a lie... Chuck Norris got it first!

[MrLuigi]

Chuck Norris used his urine to make Red Bull.
Two years later he came with two new brands: Monster and Amp.

[theothernavi]

Oh, yeah!
After Hera threw Hephaestus off of Mt. Olympus, Chuck Norris threw Hera off of Mt. Olympus :P

[Durion]

The only thing to make Chuck Norris cry are the jokes in this thread.

[Pendio]

Chuck Norris isn't afraid of the dark, the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris!!

[Thunder-ocarina]

This thread should not be called Chuck Norris Jokes. It should be called Chuck Norris FACTS.

[Pendio]

Chuck Norris can drown a fish!

Chuck Norris can make you trip on a wireless telephone!

[insanity76]

An early build of Majora's Mask contained a 25th mask - the Chuck Norris mask. This was removed from the final build because it made the game too easy. When Link wore it all enemies would drop dead out of fear.

Ganondorf purposely lost to Link and allowed himself to get sealed away in the Sacred Realm because he found out Chuck Norris was in Hyrule looking for him.

[penguinboy82]

Chuck Norris doesn't battle, he just allows you to lose.
There used to be a street called "Chuck Norris," but they changed it because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Voldemort refers to Chuck Norris as ''You Know Who''
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked an obese boy into space. That boy's name was "Mars"
Chuck Norris once roundhoused a planet so hard and so fast it burst into flames, today it is known as the sun.

[MrLuigi]

Chuck Norris had a bet with Justin Bieber on who could sing better. The loser wouldn't be able to hit puberty.

[ComposerBrother]

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin.
Its descendants are now known as giraffes. x)

[insanity76]

Chuck Norris puts the 'laughter' in manslaughter.

[Random Person]

When Chuck Norris ellipsis, he makes a sound.

[enemytracker]

@RP- You and your ellipsis...

I've got some:

-Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
-Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
-When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
-When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

[Random Person]

The sun wears a pair of shades to protect itself from Chuck Norris.

[MrLuigi]

Chuck Norris checks his closet for Andre 3000.

[theothernavi]

Awesome jokes insanity76! All the ones I posted, I made up. Here are more from my arsenal.
The Big Bang was really the little bang. Chuck Norris caused the big one.
The whirlwinds that propel you up in WW's Wind Temple are caused by Chuck Norris' breathing.
Chuck Norris killed off the dinosaurs.
These are the best I can come up with on the fly.

Actually, I made up most of them. :P

[insanity76]

Chuck Norris lives in the Lost Woods, and whenever someone gets lost there, they turn into a Stalfos because he eats their flesh right down to the bone.

Chuck Norris is a secret to nobody. He wants his victims to know when he's coming for them.

[majora1991]

Chuck Norris was what Willis was talking about