vatti
07-31-2010, 04:42 PM
I am writing a story, but it isn't a legend of zelda Fan fic, so that's why it's here. I am only going to post the first chapter because the only thing I need is an opinion on the writing, spelling, etc. Please read this and post your opinion!
From one to Another
Chapter 1
I remember the first time I looked at him. His beautiful smiling face, his gorgeous green eyes, his wonderful black hair. My heart melted at the sight of him. I hadn’t seen him all summer, and seeing him was like looking at an angel. Except, he wasn’t looking back at me. As I stood frozen at the classroom door James called out to the beautiful girl next to me, the girl I knew, the girl that had been my best friend since the second grade. Tiana.
“James!!!” she practically screamed across the room. She ran toward him, leaping over scattered chairs and unorganized desks. He stood up and they embraced each other, and did a quick kiss. I glanced to the door; secretly hoping the teacher would come in and catch them. Alas, no teacher there would be for the next ten minutes. I sighed and looked back to the happy couple. Tiana had been dating my secret crush for a while now. I’ve forgotten how long it’s been. I had always known she would get any guy she wanted; she had the body and the looks for it. Her tan skin, blond hair and blue eyes were, well, beautiful. Her looks contrasted with James’s green eyes, black hair, and pale skin. I had dark brown, waist length hair, with some natural red highlights, freckles, silver eyes, and pale skin. I considered myself out of shape, for I had a 1-pack and a flab (my own personal combination of flabby skin and an abb). I don’t know how I was cursed with such a friend who looks better than me, but is so nice! Don’t get me wrong, I love her, but I am jealous of her most of the time.
“Hey Meg.” James said to me across the room.
“Oh… hi…” I mumbled. With my heart pounding I rushed to my seat, trying to hide my flushed cheeks by reaching down to my backpack to grab my pencil. Tiana slowly untangled herself from James and came to sit next to me.
“Isn’t James the greatest?” she said to me, “He told me that we should come watch the basketball tryouts this year. He is going for team captain!” James, Tiana, and I had been best friends for a few years. Whatever one of us did, the others would give full support. He usually went for basketball, Tiana usually went for cheerleading, and I usually went for volleyball. James and Tiana always got team or squad captain. I usually was just another volleyball player, usually not captain, but I always got into varsity. James was popular, Tiana was popular, and I was known to the school because I knew Tiana. I was going to ask Tiana when the tryouts were, but she was already in her own little world, make lovey dovey eyes with James. Mercifully, the teacher came in and started the first period history class.
I don’t know how I got through the rest of the day. Luckily sixth period Art was a period of bliss where there was know one I knew in a class except for this one kid named Greg. It’s extremely hard for me to be around my two best friends without being jealous of Tiana. Greg, well, wasn’t exactly a friend, but more so an acquaintance. I’d known him a little longer than Tiana, but unlike Tiana I had never really taken the time to get to know Greg. He had spiky brown hair, brown eyes, and olive skin.
“Hey Meg.” Greg said to me, “How was your summer?”
“Oh, hey Greg. Yeah, my summer was fine. How was yours?”
“Pretty cool. My dad said I’ve done enough boating camp that I can take the boat out into Puget Sound!” he said excitedly.
“That’s cool!” I said with genuine enthusiasm. I was really happy for Greg. Through out the rest of the class we talked more about his prospects of boating on Puget Sound. He said his dads boat was a sailing boat named the “Veronica”, and it sailed very well.
“You’ll have to show me sometime!” I said as I got up to leave. He blushed.
“Yeah… some time…” he mumbled and suddenly busied himself with packing up his backpack. I shrugged and walked out of the classroom, looking for Tiana and James. I found them near the busses.
“Hey Meg!” Tiana shouted across the crowd of students. She waved me over. I weaved through the crowd and finally got to them.
“I was wondering if we could have a girl night on Saturday?” she asked me, “Just to celebrate the first week of school.” she said with a smile. I nodded.
“Sure, why not. How about my place? Just come any time after five, my mom is making her tuna casserole for dinner that night.” We both grimaced. Last time Tiana had my moms tuna casserole she was throwing up the rest of the day. She smiled.
“Sounds good. See you there!” She and James got on their bus. I waved, and realized my bus was just about to leave.
“Oh crap…” I sprinted to the bus and pounded on the door. At the last second the door opened and I jumped in. The bus was really crowded, but luckily I had Greg on my bus, and he usually saved me a seat, every year. For some reason, I had never talked to him on the bus except for saying thank you.
“Thanks Greg.” I said with a smile. He blushed.
“Your welcome.” he said quietly. Greg was like that. He would talk normally one minute, then very quiet the next. I decided that I would strike up a conversation with him.
“ Tell me more about the “Veronica” I asked him. He became more comfortable and said,
“Well…” and we talked for the rest of the bus ride. I was really interested, until I had had to get up for my stop.
“Next time you will have to tell me more about yourself.” he told me with a smile.
“Sounds good, but I’m not sure when I will be riding the bus again. maybe next week?” I said. Suddenly he got quiet again.
“Oh… okay… sure…” he mumbled. I shrugged, and walked off the buss.
From one to Another
Chapter 1
I remember the first time I looked at him. His beautiful smiling face, his gorgeous green eyes, his wonderful black hair. My heart melted at the sight of him. I hadn’t seen him all summer, and seeing him was like looking at an angel. Except, he wasn’t looking back at me. As I stood frozen at the classroom door James called out to the beautiful girl next to me, the girl I knew, the girl that had been my best friend since the second grade. Tiana.
“James!!!” she practically screamed across the room. She ran toward him, leaping over scattered chairs and unorganized desks. He stood up and they embraced each other, and did a quick kiss. I glanced to the door; secretly hoping the teacher would come in and catch them. Alas, no teacher there would be for the next ten minutes. I sighed and looked back to the happy couple. Tiana had been dating my secret crush for a while now. I’ve forgotten how long it’s been. I had always known she would get any guy she wanted; she had the body and the looks for it. Her tan skin, blond hair and blue eyes were, well, beautiful. Her looks contrasted with James’s green eyes, black hair, and pale skin. I had dark brown, waist length hair, with some natural red highlights, freckles, silver eyes, and pale skin. I considered myself out of shape, for I had a 1-pack and a flab (my own personal combination of flabby skin and an abb). I don’t know how I was cursed with such a friend who looks better than me, but is so nice! Don’t get me wrong, I love her, but I am jealous of her most of the time.
“Hey Meg.” James said to me across the room.
“Oh… hi…” I mumbled. With my heart pounding I rushed to my seat, trying to hide my flushed cheeks by reaching down to my backpack to grab my pencil. Tiana slowly untangled herself from James and came to sit next to me.
“Isn’t James the greatest?” she said to me, “He told me that we should come watch the basketball tryouts this year. He is going for team captain!” James, Tiana, and I had been best friends for a few years. Whatever one of us did, the others would give full support. He usually went for basketball, Tiana usually went for cheerleading, and I usually went for volleyball. James and Tiana always got team or squad captain. I usually was just another volleyball player, usually not captain, but I always got into varsity. James was popular, Tiana was popular, and I was known to the school because I knew Tiana. I was going to ask Tiana when the tryouts were, but she was already in her own little world, make lovey dovey eyes with James. Mercifully, the teacher came in and started the first period history class.
I don’t know how I got through the rest of the day. Luckily sixth period Art was a period of bliss where there was know one I knew in a class except for this one kid named Greg. It’s extremely hard for me to be around my two best friends without being jealous of Tiana. Greg, well, wasn’t exactly a friend, but more so an acquaintance. I’d known him a little longer than Tiana, but unlike Tiana I had never really taken the time to get to know Greg. He had spiky brown hair, brown eyes, and olive skin.
“Hey Meg.” Greg said to me, “How was your summer?”
“Oh, hey Greg. Yeah, my summer was fine. How was yours?”
“Pretty cool. My dad said I’ve done enough boating camp that I can take the boat out into Puget Sound!” he said excitedly.
“That’s cool!” I said with genuine enthusiasm. I was really happy for Greg. Through out the rest of the class we talked more about his prospects of boating on Puget Sound. He said his dads boat was a sailing boat named the “Veronica”, and it sailed very well.
“You’ll have to show me sometime!” I said as I got up to leave. He blushed.
“Yeah… some time…” he mumbled and suddenly busied himself with packing up his backpack. I shrugged and walked out of the classroom, looking for Tiana and James. I found them near the busses.
“Hey Meg!” Tiana shouted across the crowd of students. She waved me over. I weaved through the crowd and finally got to them.
“I was wondering if we could have a girl night on Saturday?” she asked me, “Just to celebrate the first week of school.” she said with a smile. I nodded.
“Sure, why not. How about my place? Just come any time after five, my mom is making her tuna casserole for dinner that night.” We both grimaced. Last time Tiana had my moms tuna casserole she was throwing up the rest of the day. She smiled.
“Sounds good. See you there!” She and James got on their bus. I waved, and realized my bus was just about to leave.
“Oh crap…” I sprinted to the bus and pounded on the door. At the last second the door opened and I jumped in. The bus was really crowded, but luckily I had Greg on my bus, and he usually saved me a seat, every year. For some reason, I had never talked to him on the bus except for saying thank you.
“Thanks Greg.” I said with a smile. He blushed.
“Your welcome.” he said quietly. Greg was like that. He would talk normally one minute, then very quiet the next. I decided that I would strike up a conversation with him.
“ Tell me more about the “Veronica” I asked him. He became more comfortable and said,
“Well…” and we talked for the rest of the bus ride. I was really interested, until I had had to get up for my stop.
“Next time you will have to tell me more about yourself.” he told me with a smile.
“Sounds good, but I’m not sure when I will be riding the bus again. maybe next week?” I said. Suddenly he got quiet again.
“Oh… okay… sure…” he mumbled. I shrugged, and walked off the buss.