Flute Boy’s Meadow – Malo Mart

JordanFebruary 25th, 2013 by Jordan

This is it, folks. I promised I would start writing about some Zelda songs I don’t like, and so I decided to begin with the king . . . the one song I hate so much I avoid its location at all cost.

Malo Mart.

This song is the theme for a shop owned by a kid who looks like a baby. Its Castle Town branch is painted in colors and designs so incredibly bright and colorful they would make a Brony puke. The customers and sales representative ceaselessly perform a dance that no sober human being would dare be caught performing. And everyone is so. Bloody. Cheerful. All to the tune of this song.
Normally this is the part where I say “jump on in to read about it.” Today I will simply say,

“Abandon all hope ye who enter here.”


Track: “Malo Mart”
Game: Twilight Princess
Purpose: Utter Annoyance Background Theme, Town/Shop
Composers: Toru Minegishi, Asuka Ota, Koji Kondo

Okay, so maybe I’m being overly dramatic here. This song works for what it needs to do. I still hate it. Moreso I hate the fact that it will be stuck in my head for the rest of today. And tomorrow. And probably Wednesday.

The Point
As mentioned before, this song serves as the theme for Malo Mart once its second branch is opened in Castle Town. Malo Mart itself is a mixed bag of things; I see it as a satire of certain discount marts and other such stores in the world today. Think Wal-Mart. Because of its low prices and enthusiastic marketing, this store literally has people begging to buy their merchandise, whether needed or not. Think Apple . . . well, not the price part, but you get my point.

“You bought it, you are smart! You bought it at Malo Mart!”

Beyond that, this is a store opened and run by a child. It’s safe to say the gaudy colors and cheerful tune can both be attributed to said owner. In that matter there is a bit of hilarity to Malo Mart; previously, this shop was so posh and elitist they required you to pay for your shoes to be shined JUST TO ENTER, then you were charged impossible prices for simple items. Now, the same elitist snob who once worked there is now stuck in a ridiculous costume dancing and moonwalking because his store got bought out by a baby. Karma, you magnificent thing you . . .

So, the theme for this shop cannot be the same sort of stuff Twilight Princess usually features. No subdued acoustic guitars. No soft, beautiful strings and woodwinds. This is the ultimate mockery of modern business, and it’s run by a kid.

The Sound
Okay, this song is annoying. With ceaseless sharp whistles, an overly enthusiastic set of fake trumpets, and an unsteady percussion ensemble including a snare drum and claps . . . this song makes me want to tear my ears off and use them to stifle whatever God-forsaken speaker unit is currently playing it. And I am voluntarily listening to it right now. Why do I do this to myself?

. . . Anyway, on a more serious note: overall the theme has that sort of supermarket flare that we expect from overly-enthusiastic marketing campaigns. Plus, a nice touch is the fact that you can hear the sales worker announcing prices and other deals over the spinning loudspeaker on his head (did I really just type that like it’s perfectly normal?) amid all the clamor and bustle of the song.

Speaking of clamor and bustle, that part works too. You get this excitement out of the song (whether you want to or not) that evokes the feeling of a crowded market full of people excited for deals. Wal-Mart on Black Friday kind of stuff, just less violent. Finally, it is catchy. Unbelievably so. This song will linger in your head, ceaselessly chittering its happiness and gaily colored notes for eternity and more. Don’t worry about it; that’s the song’s job. It was made to be so. You are just the poor unsuspecting child stuck with it.

The Verdict
This song does its job excellently. I still hate it with a passion.

The tune is catchy, happy, and carries a certain absurdity to it. Perfectly opposite end of the spectrum from the stuffy overpriced place that was there before. Really, seeing the salesman stuck in that ludicrous outfit and dancing to this awful tune is reward enough for the endless cash you pour into Malo’s coffers to open this place. There, the song succeeds perfectly; it matches the cheerful absurdity of its owner and the whole situation of its opening. This is a kid’s song, through and through.

Additionally, and whether or not this was intentional I do not know, this song is a perfect satire of marketing schemes. Think about it: how do the likes of The Black-Eyed Peas, Nicki Minaj, and Maroon 5 get so dang popular? It isn’t because they are phenomenal artists (they really aren’t) but rather because their songs are marketable. AKA they are catchy as heck and you cannot help but hum them for days after hearing them, to the point where you almost want to go hear the song again just because of how often it plays through your mind. You cannot help but think about their product. And that is how it sells.

Same basic concept here; the music sticks in your head. It is marketable, but then again so are the products. You are praised for purchasing items from Malo Mart because you are smart! You get phenomenal deals here, so buy Buy BUY! Right down to the price of the Magic Armor (598, because 600 just sounds too expensive. Think of everybody ever selling things for $9.99), this place really is the ultimate satire of today’s mega-businesses and their marketing schemes, and my goodness does the music reflect that oh-so-perfectly.

Okay. I’m done. That turned into a half-rant, half-praise of this place, but still . . . hopefully you get the idea. I really, really do hate this song, but partially because I am supposed to. It’s the way it was designed. The way the whole place was, really. Marketable, catchy, go-with-the-flow mob mentality. Gotta love it. Apple should blare this song in their stores worldwide.

So what are your thoughts about this song? Do you enjoy it, or are you like me and wish it would stop hurting your ears? Let me know in the comments! Meanwhile, I will be listening to Ballad of the Wind Fish to flush this out of my head. Feel free to join me.

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  • FenderGuitars777

    Ugh I forgot about that song but on both play-throughs (Wii and GC) I remember hating it. Now it’s stuck in my head again.

    • http://ZeldaDungeon.net/ Jordan D.

      Listen to Ballad of the Wind Fish. It’s catchy as well but it’s actually a good song so hopefully it’ll repair your mind.

      • Tito Burgess

        I love it when that song plays at the end of the game. When I was about 7 and first beat Links Awakening I got that crushing bittersweet feeling you get when you beat a Zelda game for the first time. That music worked perfectly for that feeling. (Sniff sniff it was all just a dream. Wait whats that?)

        • http://ZeldaDungeon.net/ Jordan D.

          I love BotWF, easily one of my favorites. I wrote on that a few weeks back if you’d like to check it out; you can click the “Flute Boy’s Meadow” tag at the bottom of my posts to see the previous songs I’ve written about.

  • Merv?

    DEAR GOD I HATE THAT SONG!!!! I came on to this page and was like “what the heck why not” and hit play on the song. now im listening to ballad of the wind fish while slaping my self for listening to the malo mart theme.

  • SMOSHOHLIC!

    I Find this song annoying but it gets in your head and makes you want to stand in the shop for hours on end!

  • https://twitter.com/Queen_Koopa queenkoopa

    Two things: 1) That baby looking kid scared/scarred the **** outta me in the same way as as the ReDead did when I first played – pause the game and gather myself (THOSE EYEBROWS WTF!!!) 2) That double Ocarina musician is AMAZING & enchanting!!!! lol, and I love the Malo Mart music (I’m sorry) … i guess that was 3 things ;)

    • http://ZeldaDungeon.net/ Jordan D.

      DocJazz really is quite incredible, he has hundreds of ocarina videos on his channel. You should check out his other stuff :)

      And you’re allowed to like the song. I could see how someone might be able to. I just find it annoying beyond what should ever be legal.

      • https://twitter.com/Queen_Koopa queenkoopa

        I just watched all his videos…. Beautiful! This truly refills my heart containers (in a very deep sentimental way)!!!

  • Mseevers95

    He never actually mentions how the lyrics seems to be “Let’s say fuck! Let’s say fuck! Letsa letsa lets say fuck!”

    • http://ZeldaDungeon.net/ Jordan D.

      Considering A) I’m a Christian and B) a lot of the people who visit this site are of a younger demographic, I’ll let you figure out for yourself why I chose to exclude that little detail.

  • MiniJen

    I mean it, every time I hear this song, I think I loose a few I.Q. Points. The Ballard of the Windfish is beautiful though :)

    • Midna’s Sister

      It’s hilarious.

  • http://twitter.com/thesupersakura Kristina Wright

    Might just be me but…I actually don’t mind this song.

    • sombody you dont know

      ya me too.

  • Catherine

    They sound like they are singing, “Rat cake farm! Rat cake farm! Why did you come to the rat cake farm?”

    • RubyDragonCat

      I hear that too.

    • Midna’s Sister

      LOL so ture

    • http://ZeldaDungeon.net/ Jordan D.

      See, that’s actually more like what it sounds like. I’m getting a little sick of all the people quoting PeanutButterGamer like they think it’s funny.

      • rjhewgyrfu (aka ruifgyqforug)

        PBG doesn’t have a funny one, actually. This very video, embedded right here, has a much funnier version as the top rated comment. (It’s still along the lines of PBG’s version though.)

  • http://www.facebook.com/debora.brak1 Debora Brak

    Are there people who hate this song? It’s fun. And every time I’m in castle town my brother asks me to enter malo’s mart just to hear this song. ok ok it’s not my favourite

    • http://ZeldaDungeon.net/ Jordan D.

      It’s catchy, it’s happy, it’s annoying. It’s a mixed bag of stuff. I’m just a little sick of it to be frank.

      • Midna’s Sister

        Me too.

  • The Unicorn Hanger-Outer

    THE VILLAIN OF DISCOUNTS! MALO MART!!! NOOOOOOOO

  • Someone

    This song is so extremely happy that it’s contagious, listening to it cheered me up ^^ Thanks.
    But it’s still an really annoying song.

  • Zachary Morris

    Best song ever!!

  • RubyDragonCat

    Oh god why…I never opened the castle town branch, so I never heard this. I had to turn the music off after a few seconds. Now I need brain bleach.

  • awsomeMrlink

    Want to know why I ever tried to get Malo Mart in the first place? No, not because it was my 100% run playthrough (That was my next playthrough xD). Not because I wanted the armor (Still got it though). Because I wanted to hear the song in game. I spent the next year randomly thinking the song when I was happy. I love that song.

  • Joseph Lewis

    Quick, listen to Gerudo Valley before you go insane!

  • Why Me?!

    OME! (Oh My Ears!)
    I hate this song soooooooooooo much! I do not know why I volunterily did that to myself DX. It will be stuck in my head for days O.o! I agree with you 100% on what you said about it. (Expecily what you said the purpose is :P)

  • iZelda

    I think a lot of us found at least maybe 10 or more songs in the Zelda series to be annoying. Although, whenever I needed to buy something at the Castle Town branch: run in, run out as fast as you can. Finally (when I finished the Magic Armor quest) I went to the one in Kakariko Village and found the Gorons were dancing too! Just listen to Song of Storms right after you go in.

  • npatoray24

    its not that bad. geez

    • http://ZeldaDungeon.net/ Jordan D.

      Not really. It just steadily grates on my nerves and I wrote this post shortly after snapping. And yes, I over-exaggerated for the sake of attempted comedy.

      • npatoray24

        lol understood, the reason i say so is bc it is only shop music, i mean how much time could you possibly spend in there?

  • Midna’s Sister

    NOOO make it stop!!

  • niteporter

    I like the song and the whole Maro Mart. I think it’s quite amusing and the scenario to be hilariusly absurd. I enjoyed being in there for just a short time.

  • Fire and Ice Arrows

    You know what it sounds like?
    Let’s say f***, let’s say f*** let’s saysaysaysaysay f***

    • http://ZeldaDungeon.net/ Jordan D.

      Congratulations, you are capable of quoting PeanutButterGamer. Would you like a cookie?

  • itsameluigi1290

    So much hate…

    I couldn’t agree more. BTW, are we gonna get Ganondorf’s boss battle music from TP here? I put it in Brawl and it sounds SO awesome.

  • Westar

    I think it perform its function being a really “happy and wierd place” (as you mentioned: Wal-Mart on Black Friday). Sure it’s annoying but it isn’t a bad song for just being that, because it forfills it’s prupose to the max, better than the most of the TP songs I think and (sadly) this is the kind of music that sells nowadays…

  • BlackRaven6695

    “Latte bar, latte bar, why did you go to the latte bar?”

  • Assasin1010123

    Younknow what, Icould baraly stand that song. Yet had an obsesion with Ooccoo… I love Ooccoo. I hope I spelled it right…

  • Vink

    Dude, if you hate a song so much, don’t even bother writing an article about it. I know you have your opinion but you are ranting so much that it’s more annoying than black eyed peas.

    It’s a pretty catchy song, it’s quite funny too because you can make up your own lyrics to sing over it e.g. ratcake farm, ratcake farm, why did come to the ratcake farm?
    The dance moves are good too, there was even a malo mart dance competition on youtube.

    It is repetitive so I can see why it annoys you so much.

  • john

    i have never heard any songs from Nicki Minaj or Maroon 5

  • Ginrei

    I was hoping this article would share/translate what the words are in this song… I think it’s pretty funny myself! I can’t listen to it without doing the dance.

  • Zeldamaster3000

    Purpose: utter annoyance *ahem* no kidding

  • angrymasksalesman

    Hahahahahaa! I cant believe that this happy song is in the depressing twilight princess lol

  • Ordona

    Here goes…I love this song. I’m shameless when it comes to God-awful songs that are obnoxiously catchy, and this is Zelda’s equivalent. But yes, small doses definitely, otherwise it would drive you to insanity.
    I should also say Malo scares me. A baby with evil eyes in charge of a huge heartless corporation? It’s utterly terrifying!

  • eesdesesesrdt

    Apparently they’re saying, “let’s say @#$%, let’s say @#$%, let’s say-say-say-say let’s say @#$%

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  • PrincessAgitha

    I love this song SO MUCH!!! It makes me cry! I guess because Twilight Princess is my fave game that’s probably why I love it so much. Yes, Malo is a little scary…but he’s really cute too! ;)

    • minda

      so true.

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  • link in park

    The vocals actually say “Kattyaina, Kattyaina, Kaitakunattara kattyaina” in Japanese, which mean “Buy one! Buy one! If you want one, buy one!” in English.